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Rednave Eiknarf was stuck on the toilet for most of the morning. Great scoops of shit descended from his small intestine into the porcelain bowl and the lily-scented spray gave no quarter to his wife. Finally, tired of her bitching, he made her give him a blumpkin, and that was that.

Date Written: February 13, 2011
Author: Marvin Bernstein
Average Vote: 3.25

02/15/2011 Moe-Ron (1): Blumpkin is so 1996. Try harder next time.
02/15/2011 qualcomm (0.5): And the large intestine is the pentultimate stop for shit, not the small.
02/16/2011 Marvin Bernstein (5): I just checked my OED, qualcomm, and I didn't find an entry for 'pentultimate'. Maybe you meant 'penultimate'? I don't see what all this fuss is about for a lowly first-time guest author, anyway. Do you guys have some kind of axe to grind?
02/16/2011 scoop (5): I agree, Marvin. What's the "deal" here. This 1 rox totsies TTM. It reminds me of the insightful work of Sinned Namdlef, who would often post shorts which could be weird, not unlike this one, but always in a cool way. All this short is missing is essential details, like what kind of lighting was in play, trak, orbs, maybe. And also who designed and manufactured the toilet. And although they weren't mentioned, I'd love to know what the thread count of the sheets are. Irregardless I look forward to more work from this promising new author.
02/16/2011 TheBuyer (1): I'm compelled to refudiate that five star rating, I don't think we should misunderestimate the value of details.
02/16/2011 Marvin_Bernstein (5): sexy, I think that I will write about rusty trombones next but this still gets me as excited as when it happened. Alternately this is proof of a quantum entangled universe in which a smarter version of me starts writing shorts that actually fit in with the rest of the site
02/17/2011 Jon Matza: Hey Eiknarf - how about a courtesy flush? ROTFLMAO!!!
02/18/2011 anonymous: where is a pony when you need one?
02/18/2011 anonymous: I think your short was plagiarized from this http://i.imgur.com/JzxWk.jpg
02/18/2011 Mr. Pony (3.5): Well, I thought this was pretty interesting.
02/19/2011 Marvin Bernstein: tHAnk yOU 4 yOUR KinD aND wElL-c0NsidErED opINi0n, mIStEr p0Ny. YoUr fR1eNd, MArViN_bErNStEiN
02/20/2011 Marvin_Bernstein: I think I need to clarify about my lily scented spray- it wasn't what you think it is
02/20/2011 Marvin Bernstein: Oh really? How do you know what I think it is, Under_scorestein?
02/20/2011 Marvin Bernstein: We're 2 Marvins here, no more, no less. Let's reach an understanding. Bridge the gap, one underscore at a time so 2 speak. I am truly interested in the clarification. One Marvin 2 another.
02/20/2011 Marvin_Bernstein: see: the thing is I totally get where you are goin with this and what you r duin as well. I don't enjoy bein toyed with and this is becoming a little assinine. I think that we should go back to our respective work in our own corners and do what we do best! WRITE for goodness sake. Wouldn't that be a better idea? I can outfunny you anyday you Marvin Bearstein, hahahhahhahhahha
02/20/2011 Marvin Underscore Bernstein: This is getting ridiculous.
02/21/2011 Marvin_Bernstein: who are you?
02/21/2011 Marvin The Word Underscore Bernstein (5): Forget about that. The real question is who are you? What's your real intent here. Do you or do you not prepare fur-bearing creatures when consuming the nourishment? We already understand about stewed cranberry, applesauce and its correlation to prunes and rhubarb. Now tell me what you know.
02/22/2011 Marvin The Word Underscore Bernstein (5): Are we done with these games? There's a real ugly anti-Marvin thing going on on this site and we can dance around it for so long.
02/22/2011 Marvin_Bernstein: do you propose some sort of contest?
02/22/2011 Marvin_Bernstein: In the meantime: please submit a short. I really like your style Marvin
02/23/2011 Jon Matza: I'd like to hear more from Marvin Underscore Bernstein...compared to him the other Marvins appear juvenile and unfocused.
02/23/2011 Marvin_Bernstein: Typically I like my kielbasa and cabbage with just the right amount of vinegar and sugar, if you know what I mean. I like the premium sausage, but I can eat waxen generic gvt cheese all day long. Scoop: I hope this helps your understanding of my logic.