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Jim sat back at his desk, as he did every morning, with his robe open and his quickly-hardening cock in his hand. This is not obscene, he mused suddenly, and the tempting thought nearly tore him from his reverie; he tamped the impulse down.
With spit-slickened hand he stroked his manhood, now almost a deep purplish in parts, sense-tinglingly engorged with wine-dark blood. Girlishly he teased around the ridge of his cockhead, sending still-early electrostatic shimmies of delight down his spine. Tenderly he traced the outline of his long-vanished, un-longed-for foreskin Ė scythed not by some Hebraic shaman but by a nameless and faceless hospital worker whose identity was lost to time. For Jim, though his cockhead glistened proudly, unadorned with such continental foppery as a foreskin, was a product of Protestant America. As was his Art.
No, dammit, not yet.
Focusing once more on the task at hand (Jim, though head thrown back and mouth open in delight, smiled slightly at this piquant witticism), he stroked his shaft more vigorously. Quickly his left hand moved over the veins and bulges, the outer layer of skin, alive with bristling nerve-endings of flame, moving slickly over the inner cockmeat. This is not obscene, the thought returned, unbidden, and this time, he could not look away.
Suddenly he was transported, away from his home office, away from his artistís desk. This is not obscene. And suddenly he is Zeus, fathering mighty Perseus on sleeping Danae, coming upon her as a shower of gold. He is Sigmund, fathering Siegfried on his sister-self, creating the consciousness of a race that will threaten to destroy the world. He is Bacchus, being torn apart in an orgiastic frenzy of his own making, an explosion of mind and soul and self and cum and blood and spit and bile, exploding, exploding in one last desperate act of creating his ArtÖ
With a mighty cry born deep within his chest, Jim came furiously, spurt after spurt arcing out of his pulsing cock, landing in small opalescent puddles on his drawing desk. And he knew.
He knew, as he wiped up the quickly-cooling ejaculate with his finger, bringing it to his lips and carefully licking clean. He knew that on this day, he would not be writing jokes about Mondays.
He would be writing jokes about lasagna.
Date Written: August 17, 2003
Author: Joe Frankenstone
Average Vote: 3.33333
>Look, Joe Frankenstone wrote the short as a deliberate vehicle for the punch line.
No shit. 90% of shorts are a deliberate vehicle for a punch line. Thatís what theyíre supposed to be as you would know if you had read any at all. The problem was the setup was too long and not quite funny enough. This isnít a major problem and I wouldnít have even voted on it probably. Lotís of short shorts have the same problem. I was just interested cuz it got Matza so pissed.
08/26/2003 Ewan Snow: >Rather than saying "Jim Davis sucks" he created a rather amusing world in which the likes of Zeus, Bacchus and Sigmund are evoked and compared to the crappy jokes of Jim Davis "ex post facto" through comprehension of the "joke".
UmÖ I donít know where to begin. Did you think that anybody was suggesting that ďJim Davis sucksĒ would have made a better short? Have you ever read a short? Frankenstoneís short was not out of the tradition, and nobody had any trouble understanding what he was going for. Why donít you create a rather amusing ditch and go die in it?
08/26/2003 Ewan Snow: >Is it "High" art? No. Is it the literary equivalent of "Citizen Kane"? No. It's not supposed to be, you nitwits.
Huh? What makes you think that anybody is looking for high art? Do you seriously think that was anybodyís expectation? Have you read the short-shorts on Acme? You really are a retard and you assumptions make me embarrassed for you.
>Perhaps it's a bit masturbatory in its own right w/ the Miller-esque cross-references.
Fuck you, douchebag.
>But then, screw it, because it's at least consistent within its own theme: A self-abusing, creative piece about the act of self-abuse facilitating the creation of a comic that should have been retired 10 years ago.
08/26/2003 Ewan Snow: >But then, screw it, because it's at least consistent within its own theme: A self-abusing, creative piece about the act of self-abuse facilitating the creation of a comic that should have been retired 10 years ago.
No need to comment on this one. But then again, why not: youíre a douchebag.
>That is an example of a SUBJECTIVE criterion. Objective things transcend perception. You are giving an opinion that is highly subjective. Get it right you idiot.
Hence, the joke, dickhead. Do you have any sense of irony? Just because you are an idiot, donít assume I am.
All in all you win the prize for stupidest comment ever and are in contention for biggest asswipe overall. My only conclusion is that you must somehow be Lenny from either: a) Of Mice and Men, or b) Laverne & Shirley.
08/26/2003 Ewan Snow: Retard (Lenny), please read these comments in order, that is, from the bottom up. Be sure to take your time and pause periodically to mop the drool off your keyboard.
08/29/2003 Mr. Pony: I think that maybe the comments should be listed in with the earliest ones first, and the newest comments at the bottom. This is a delicious thread, but it sure is hard to follow.
08/30/2003 Will Disney: you may be right, pony. i'll have to give that some thought...
09/23/2004 Mr. Pony: Actually, I think what I said back then about comment order applies exclusively to this short! I think it's all the line breaks and quoting!
12/13/2004 TheBuyer: I'm marking this Latest Controversy as a reminder of what really good, one side dominant e-fighting looks like. Included is a small sample.
8/25/2003 10:27:53 PM - Ewan Snow: Lenny. You are a retard.
03/18/2009 Ewan Snow: Well, Lenny? What do you have to say for yourself?
03/19/2009 Mr. Pony: I'm back on the fence about comment order.
03/19/2009 qualcomm: eliza: hey, remember frankenstone?
03/19/2009 Eliza (): Who?
03/19/2009 qualcomm: eliza: a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! that was a good--ha ha ha ha ha!!
03/19/2009 Eliza (): I am Eliza.
03/20/2009 qualcomm: eliza: reboot!
03/20/2009 Eliza (): I don't think that's true.