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From "The Best of 'Muddled Analogies,' Volume 1":

The young woman entered the store with force. She pushed her way right in through the doorways, penetrating the crowd.

"Excuse me, Sir," she said softly as she straddled up to the counter.


"I'm looking for some speakers. For my car. You know, something 6 inches, 'across.'"

"Well, let's see what we've got here." The clerk started to perspire. He just couldn't help it. He was beginning to get damp. His skin wasn't dry anymore.

"These here might work," he suggested sheepishly. The speakers groaned as he pulled them from the box.

"Wait, not those. They're too 'heavy.'"

"But ma'am, these will do the trick. They'll even make you 'lunch' the next day."

"Well go easy when you take 'em out of the box. I wouldn't want you to 'drop' anything."

"Should I open the box softly, or should I 'rip' it into a bunch of imperceptible 'pieces'?"

Date Written: September 26, 2003
Author: Texxx
Average Vote: 2.3333

09/26/2003 anonymous (1):
09/26/2003 Will Disney (4): well these aren't exactly 'analogies' but then again, the word 'analogy' is in semi-quoation marks in the title. HMMMM. Very good.
09/26/2003 Texxx (3): I used 'analogies' incorrectly, and even though it may be funny given the context of the story, it is still boneheaded. Therefore, I award myself a mediocre 3 stars.
09/26/2003 anonymous: straddled up to the counter??
09/26/2003 Texxx: Well, the 'straddled' is a joke in and of itself. Obviously, you don't 'straddle' up to a counter - you 'straddle' some object or person. The writer just throws it in there to add to the sexiness of the piece, even though it's used incorrectly.
10/14/2003 Dolemite (2): No sir. I don't like it.