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Jeremy Cohen had used his computer to surf the internet, and surfing the internet, he had used the pornography he found hidden in its depths to stimulate blood flow to his penis, ie to form an erection. Masturbation tended to follow, but only about 100% of the time.

But Jeremy grew increasingly dissatisfied with this sequence of events that ended so coldly. When he was done masturbating (he always knew when he was done masturbating), the computer that led to the seemingly inevitable sequence of events would blink lifelessly back at him, like a pachinko machine after the last ball had sunk out of sight.

He wanted more. Placing his lips over his electronic mouse, Jeremy Cohen began consummating his affair with his dual Athlon 2.3 GHz Personal Computer, with 1GB of DDR SDRAM and on-board L2 Cache. Letting his penis do the talking, he inserted it vigorously into the hard drive, pumping over and over again letting his sperm wash over his motherboard, and like the mating of a black widow, destroyed his computer even as he imbued it with undying love.

Date Written: December 11, 2003
Author: Noah Simple
Average Vote: 4.125

12/12/2003 Will Disney (4): who hasn't been here? come on!
12/12/2003 Texxx (4): This is oddly familiar.
12/12/2003 Dolemite (4): You sonofabitch. I tell you something in confidence, and you turn it into a short short. For the record, I have a P4 3 GHz not a stinking AMD processor. Get your facts straight if you're going to tell the world about my private life.
12/12/2003 Phony Millions (4): It looks like this one has been theraputic and revealing for all of us.
04/5/2004 scoop (4): Good detail, Noah Simple is becoming my hero.
04/5/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Over the years, it's never occurred to me to actually fuck any of my computers. After reading this short, I'm inexplicably ashamed of this fact.
05/24/2004 TheBuyer (4): ...i just fucked my digital camera in the battery slot.
03/31/2005 deliciousbrains (4): Last line.