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An excerpt from "Madness! The Life and Times of Funnyman Jimmy Moore."

An Interview with Mrs. Moore:
I guess Jimmy was starting to lose it a bit. Lose that edge. I mean, people kept coming out to the shows. But something was off. Something was off-putting I should say. I don't know.

July 13, 1967, The Hilarity Factory, Philadelphia, PA

"Come on kids. Gather round! Jee-zus. Look at this crowd. Oh - where is everybody? Free cheesesteak night?! Ha!"

"So I broke that Pollock right in half. Not PO-Lock! Boy - if he was gonna get all famous, I woulda saved it! Sure Officer - you gonna arrest me? You can't - I'm part Polish!"

"Join the Pentecostal Ministry? But Father, I don't even have 5 bucks! Ha!"

"Ha! Oh, Christ. Hey - does that offend anybody? Everybody? Well, I'm the savior now. Man!"

"Sakes alive. That's what my old man used to say. What the flip? So that's the reaction beatin' the ol' lady generated? How 'bout: 'I'm sorry. Here's your tooth!' Ha! What?!"

Date Written: January 08, 2004
Author: Texxx
Average Vote: 5

Comments:
01/14/2004 Will Disney (5): all over the place funny.
01/14/2004 Jon Matza: I agree with Disney, except for the five stars and "All over the place funny" part. Are we reading the same words?
01/14/2004 Texxx: You guys are haters. Maybe next time I'll include some sentences about sticking my fingers in something. Would that win acclaim?
01/15/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Actually, yeah. I think I'm not sophisticated enough to understand this. Let's see some penetration, that might help.
01/15/2004 Texxx: I'll keep that in mind. Any particular orifices?
01/15/2004 Mr. Joshua: It's not bad, but it is flagrantly derivative of Feldspar's superior short from December, 2003. Even the location(the state of Pennsylvania) is the same.
01/15/2004 Texxx: 'Derivative' because it's about standup comedy? I think 'flagrantly' implies purposeful intent. Man - this guy can read my mind! Crap.
01/15/2004 Mr. Joshua: It IS derivative - it is essentially the same format as the prior short. If it makes you happy, I can change 'flagrantly' to 'subconsciously'; but I must say that your defensiveness makes me favor keeping the original adverbiage.
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: First off, Disney and Texxx need to come clean about their sexual relationship. Then I call for Disney's immediate removal as our Chief Operating Officer due to flagrant misdealing. In the alternative, I'd gladly provide Disney with the head he gets from Texxx in exchange for 5 star ratings. That's the way I am. This does seem rather derivative but it's the 5 star rating that's the real crime here.
01/15/2004 Will Disney: yeah yeah. bullshit. this is funny. i gave 5 to this, 5 to feldspar's. i like 'em both.
01/15/2004 Texxx: Danko, I can't stop laughing! That was HILARIOUS. Actually, speaking of head, I'm wondering how I can join the circle jerk involving all the 'old school' members from which I, as a newer writer, am constantly excluded! Can someone help me out over here? I wanna be as witty as you guys, and I don't think I can make it on my own. I'd like multiple people to award me 5 stars for average material, not just Will! I want everyone to pat me on the back. I just wanna be like everyone else. Please?
01/15/2004 Texxx: Mr. Joshua - can I call you Monsignor Joshua instead? Because you seem to have the AUTHORITY to proclaim my short a complete rip! I don't see how it's so derivative. Oh wait - there are SUBTLE differences. I'm sorry, guys. Wait - did I include fake anti-Semitism in my short? What?!
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Well for starters, you can stop sniveling and start sucking.
01/15/2004 qualcomm: how dare you call my anti-semitism fake!
01/15/2004 Mr. Joshua: Texx, this is a comment board...I claim no authority; I merely submitted my commentary. As for your insinuation that I have some reactionary ax to grind because you are a relative newcomer, I can only respond as follows: 1). You've been here longer than I. 2). I call em like I see em...there's no hidden agenda. Now, as for why your short is a blatant fucking rip-off, allow me to elaborate, since you seem to think they are as different as "The Great Gatsby" and a Barbara Cartland romance novel. The meat of both shorts is a stand-up comic spewing a deliberately unfunny (any yours is definitely unfunnier)and corny monologue. How hard is that to understand?
01/15/2004 Dick Vomit: Fuckbeans! FUCKBEANS!
01/15/2004 Texxx: Well Joshua, I wasn't insinuating that you in particular had an axe to grind. Certainly, as a newcomer yourself, you don't. If you don't like the short, that's certainly your prerogative, just as it is everyone else's here. I'm just a little sensitive to the fact that some of the authors seem a little too enamored with one another. But I'm a little slow, too. So maybe you can tell me some more about their similarities. Between the shorts.
01/15/2004 Texxx: Start sucking, Danko?
01/15/2004 Texxx: Actually, Joshua, to clarify things, there is actually a pretty crucial difference between the shorts. The subjects are definitely similar: bad stand-up comic, offending people with material that really doesn't constitute 'jokes' per se. But Feldspar's comic is pretty mean-spirited, whereas my comic is more of a lunatic. Feldspar's seems really beaten down, and he resorts to directly insulting the audience. Mine is slowly losing his mind, which is partially explained in the beginning through the interview with his wife. So I hope this spells things out a little better.
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Is that your choice? Hey, it's totally up to you.
01/16/2004 scoop: Jon Feldspar: cool. for a second, i thought you didn't like the short.
01/16/2004 Ewan Snow: Scoop, please explain.
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko: Oh, Texxx. If you're interested in circle jerks and the trauma they can cause you should see my criminally underrated short on the matter. Then maybe you wouldn't joke about such a serious subject.
01/16/2004 scoop: Dear Ewan, Umm. I thought it would be funny to nakedly palgarize a Feldspar comment in the midst of an argument about whether Feldspar work had been plagarized. But now that I've explained it, it's probably not all that funny. Kinda like the remake of Texas Chiansaw Massacre. Leatherface with the bad acne and all.
01/16/2004 Ewan Snow: Got it. But I don't remember Feldspar making that comment... Either way, I think we're getting off topic. Let's please all continue to focus on how much this short suxxx.
01/16/2004 Dick Vomit: Still fuckbeans.
01/19/2004 Moe-Ron: Is Texxx a girl?
01/27/2004 Joseph Keith: im a lil bit stuck on the polish thing...
01/28/2004 annebot: Hey man, I'm all for using slurs, slights and put downs but MAKE IT FUNNY!