home authors guest shorts graphical shorts

AcmeShorts

"The road to salvation is littered with the cauls of broken souls," opined Holmes even though it was a statement of fact. His wellies bore the slommacky evidence. Watson nodded vigorously to keep from hitting him. Salvation was like miles away and he really needed to piss. The highways and byways of the great land were closed. So too the hearts and minds of the cognoscenti.

It was the end of days. The unfortunate were already heading back - to where?- having been turned away at the moment of reckoning and mocked by the freshly annointed. As these creatures passed, both men cast their eyes down and silently prayed. A woman with mascara running from the corners of her eyes to her dimpled chin, like a wishbone, clutched her heels in her hands as she whimpered. An old man hobbled by, bare chested and stooped.

"But I'm from West Hartford," he muttered continously.

Indeed, he once was.

Date Written: January 10, 2004
Author: Dylan Danko
Average Vote: 4

Comments:
01/15/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Hmmm... apocalyptic Holmes, interesting. But didn't you mean, "So toO the hearts and minds..." Please review all future work for spelling...
01/15/2004 Jon Matza (4): This gaffe was especially shocking given that I've already admonished Danko for his poor spelling.
01/15/2004 Will Disney: Does this really contain inside jokes? The West Hartford thing could read as a random reference to the banal thrown into the post-apocolyptic clutter.
01/15/2004 qualcomm: what the hell is slommacky?
01/15/2004 Dick Vomit: But how would things change if we inserted a comma after so and removed the period after cognoscenti, replacing it with an ellipsis? I'll tell you: not at all.
01/15/2004 qualcomm (4): oh. never mind. i googled it... obscure word, only 4 hits.
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: My apologies to Matza. I meant to review last night but Feldspar made sure I got too drunk to remember.
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: I didn't think it was an inside joke either Disney but I didn't want to get slammed by the Politburo.
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Actually Ewan, I meant it like "so let's go to the hearts and minds..." as in let's visit those hearts and minds. Not really.
01/15/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: But it is an inside joke, isn't it? I mean it makes a more specific reference than just to a little ol' town. The quote "But I'm from West Hartford." is a direct quote. Come clean, Dylan. It doesn't mean that others on the "outside" can't peak "inside," it just means that there's a lot more fun to be had on the "inside"(if you see what I'm saying).
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Hey, take it up with someone who cares.
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Actually you're quite right. I'm putting it back on the inside list unless there are objections.
01/15/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Oh. "Ouch!" if you catch my drift.
01/15/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: You just ruined the effect of my last comment. I'm going to ask that it be removed.
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Yeah, what an effect it was. Oh, man!
01/15/2004 Jon Matza: Historians may be pleased to note the following delicious (if bittersweet) irony: earlier in this discussion string I deftly linked to a 12/8/03 message board posting in which I took Danko and Jimson to task for their repeated spelling miscues. Subsequently, Jimson chimed in with an idle thought about whether or not outsiders can "peak" inside this short. My vindication is my triumph!
01/15/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: tooshay
01/15/2004 Dylan Danko: Another example of Matza's astonishing deftness.
01/15/2004 Ewan Snow: FYI, the road to salvation is paved, not littered, with the cauls of broken souls IMHO.
03/18/2004 scoop (4): Hey, this one's pretty good too!