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"Another fricken night-night story," thought Jonah Quailherder. He was perfectly willing to sit through ten more presentations of fluffy duck submissions, for knew he had best acquisition of the day with DARYL THE DUNG BEETLE MAKES A HOME. It had the smell of an instant classic. And it was character driven. Surely in a few years Daryl would be on the tip of every young tongue in the way that Jeffy the Kangaroo and Percy the stupid pig were now. But as soon as Jonah finished his presentation, he knew something was wrong. It was the silence. The vast, overwhelming silence and then…
“Well, that’s, um….interesting, Jonah, but…” here the publisher cleared her throat. “It’s not exactly ‘cute’ now is it…a dung beetle?”
He looked around the table at the other editors—all women. He knew they were in consensus. Daryl wasn’t cute.
“Cute.Cute, no it’s not….” Jonah picked up his notes and rearranged them. Suddenly, a certain ruthlessness came over him. He had something these other soccer-mommy editors didn't have and he knew it. He could feel it. He would make them see...
"So it’s cute you want, eh…” he said, opening his fly. “I’ll show you cute.”
And with that his great pud fell gleaming onto the conference room table. Again, silence. He looked around the table at only blank faces.Sheepishly, he zipped up, collected his things and left.
As the door closed behind him, he heard: “Now that was pretty cute....”
Date Written: January 11, 2004Comments:
Author: Jimson S. Sorghum
Average Vote: 4.2
01/16/2004 scoop (5): Bravo! Daryl is a real dung beetle's dung beetle. Give those cunts the old what for. Fucking cigar chomping editors.
01/16/2004 Ewan Snow: This was good, but please do something about the spacing.
01/16/2004 Will Disney: fixed.
01/16/2004 qualcomm (4): gleaming.
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko (4): Yeah, why was it gleaming? Oh, I think I know why.
01/16/2004 qualcomm: the knob was polished. oh man.
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko: Pre cum, Jon, pre cum.
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko: My apologies to the acme community.
01/16/2004 qualcomm: i'm so sick of this fixation our society has on precum. oh oh, precum precum! who cares?? fucking precum.
01/16/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Wait, could this be the latest controversy? Oh, please, oh please....
01/16/2004 Mr. Pony (4): What's precum?
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko: Forget about precum, Jimson sounds like she's going full throtle!
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko: Throttle
01/16/2004 qualcomm: [censored], you're not angry enough for this to be the latest controversy. get mad, you son of a bitch, get mad!
01/16/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: But I just don't have any strong feelings about precum. I'm sorry, I just don't. Still, you and Danko seem to have a difference of opinion on the matter, so that represents a controversy, doesn't it? You almost just outted me, too, you bastard, so I suppose I could get mad about that.
01/16/2004 qualcomm: no i wasn't talking to you, [censored], i was talking to [censored]-- [censored][censored][censored]
01/16/2004 Mr. Pony: This "[censored]" thing--what is that? Is that some sort of feature of the site? What's happening there? I'm very confused. I don't understand.
01/16/2004 Texxx: I think our [censored] names are censored.
01/16/2004 Dylan Danko: Mr. Pony, I'm on my webcam and I'm ready to answer your question. Hurry!
01/16/2004 Will Disney: There are certain words and names that won't appear on the site due to personal requests. If you haven't requested it, it won't affect you. Yay!
01/16/2004 Will Disney (4): four stars!
01/16/2004 Jon Matza: Why isn't the average rating here 4.2? Perhaps Disney's using the same mathematical system that determined he's far and away the #1 author on the site...
01/16/2004 Will Disney: you're a mean-spirited person sometimes, jon.
01/16/2004 Jon Matza: [censored]
01/16/2004 Ewan Snow: I agree with Matza. Not about anything in particular, just in general. But to answer his question, I think it's because some votes aren't shown. If you don't post a comment, the vote doesn't show up...
01/16/2004 Will Disney: plus there was, in fact, a bug relating to vote counting that matza uncovered. the bug involved the possiblity of a vote not getting counted (in this case, feldspar's 4 star vote) when admin editing occured on *another* voteless comment by the same user (when a typo was fixed in one of feldspar's comments). so, matza was correct in observing that the math seemed to be wrong, at the time. however, it was wrong for a different reason than he thought, and the bug has since been fixed. yeah!
01/16/2004 Texxx: Can you fix the bug where the votes for my shorts either have low star ratings or don't show up at all? (re: texxx conspiracy)
01/16/2004 scoop: Hey, Mr. Pony, precum is the moisture that gathers around an androids positronic brain when it encounters an "emotion" for the first time.