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“Dr. Goodfellow created me for several reasons,” said the taller, effete British robot while he rubbed the phallic steel dome of my head. “Not least to alleviate the long, lonely nights here aboard the Searcher.”

I moved away from his robotic claws and stood by the window. The stars streamed past as fireflies, I thought. But then I caught myself – there were no fireflies left on Earth, not with the pollution and the wars of the last five centuries. Had my pal Buck known fireflies before that ill-fated shuttle mission? I would have to ask him.

“I know you miss your clockish friend,” Crichton said. He had moved up behind me, and was rubbing my smooth, Theopolisless chest. “Change can be frightening. I know that. But you’re here now. Here -- with me.”

My resistance dissolved, and I gave myself over to the moment. Something long and hard pressed against my positronic prostate.

“Bidi bidi bidi,” I ejaculated.

From the Buck Rogers in the 25th Century Second Season Fan Fiction Archive.
With apologies.

Date Written: January 22, 2004
Author: Joe Frankenstone
Average Vote: 2.375

01/28/2004 anonymous (1):
01/28/2004 Lenny: Hmmm...robotic erotica? I like the way that sounds. But I'm not sure I can really comment on this as my memory of Buck Rodgers is pretty sparse. That's the problem with pop-humor. It's really just one big in-joke - and I'm on the outside regarding this one.
01/28/2004 Jon Matza: Is boredom an emotional reaction? If so, this lifeless recreation of countless past shorts moved me deeply. I wasn't sure if "the stars streamed past as fireflies, I thought" was intended to be funny or not; either way it made my day worse. Note: this assessment is unapologetically influenced by my dislike of/past run-ins with Frankenstone.
01/28/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Shut up, Dillweed.
01/28/2004 Texxx (3): I enjoyed the last sentence, but the setup seems a little flat.
01/28/2004 Jon Matza: Violating your imbecilic principles so soon, Frankenstone? (See #7)
01/28/2004 Lenny: Shut up Matza. Joe, IMHO you really 1) gotta stop calling this guy Dillweed b/c it's kinda hard to claim the moral high ground when you're operating on his level of ignorance and 2) he's just baiting you. I know, easy for me to say. My first short is still pending (I recently re-read it and, wow, is it not good) so I know that certain assholes here are going to lick their chops at the thought of tearing it apart. Fine. I've already resigned myself to it. These guys are basically like hemorrhoids, or canker sores, or pyloniotal cysts - very, very aggravating but ultimately harmless.
01/28/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Telling Dillweed to shut up was a statement of fact. Or something. But yes, hoisted on my own petard!
01/28/2004 Will Disney: I'm a big fan of the use of the verb 'ejaculated' as used here. well, also in general. also the act itself - not just the verb.
01/28/2004 qualcomm (2): last line elicited smirk of surprise, but all in all, this feels like a retread of that ancient doctor demento recording of kirk and spock fucking, not to mention a couple of existing shorts here on the site.
01/28/2004 senator (2): The only part I liked...and possibly the only part I read, "Bidi bidi bidi".
01/28/2004 Will Disney: for more on ejaculated, see this short and the comments that follow it.
01/28/2004 Will Disney (3): yeah - i don't really remember this show exactly. otherwise it would've been 4 stars, i'm sure.
01/29/2004 Joe Frankenstone: I accept all comments that the short is derivative, etc. -- obviously I realized that, as the link at the bottom makes clear. But comments from people who don't know their Buck Rogers is just SAD. That is, without question, one of the cultural touchstones of my (our?) generation. Lenny, would it have been funnier if I had the cast of Wings of Honneamise titfucking?
01/29/2004 Joe Frankenstone: And don't talk to me about keeping the moral high ground, Lenny! You're the guy who talks about people getting the shit stomped out of them "where you come from." I KNOW where you come from. A beautiful house in the suburbs, facing the park, about a mile from mine. Pussy.
01/29/2004 Slappy White (5): You all are a bunch of bitches, seriously. Matza et al should just f'n admit they all pulled out their steel dildos and shoved em up their asses when they read this.
01/29/2004 senator: Sorry Joe. I must admit, I do not know my Buck Rogers. So, feel free to disregard my comments. Bidi, bidi, bidi...I think I just came.
01/29/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Not that kind of ejaculation. But your thoughts are appreciated.
01/29/2004 Lenny: Well, yeah, it would have been funnier to ME if the cast of Wings of Honneamise was titfucking - but that just highlights the creative cul-de-sac that is writing in the pop-humor style. Don't bitch at me because you chose a crappy context to frame your short.
01/29/2004 Lenny: F* you Frankenstone. You met me (and launched into one of the most egregiously self-righteous poem readings, ever) when I was in my miscreant phase. Remember? Or do I have to re-enact your "delightful" reading of "oh what a tangled web we weave..." for everyone here? You moved away, not me. I'll give you Reynold's phone number. You can ask him how many drunken bar fights we've 1) broken up 2) been in, in the last four years. Thank God slappy and I were there to keep you straight in grade school, or you'd have been known as the "2nd lunch gimp" by 7th grade. Careful, I'll sick my sister on you. She still drinks the blood of the living you know.
01/29/2004 Ewan Snow: Nice to see Frankenstone and Lenny fighting. It's like wathing two retards play chess.
01/29/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Dumbass, do I need to point out that I purposefully picked a fight with Lenny to point out that we appreciate smack talk between friends as an acceptable part of the site?
01/29/2004 Ewan Snow: Oh, good. I was worried you didn't think, "smack talk," was, "an acceptable part of the site."
01/29/2004 Joe Frankenstone: I like your died-in-the-wool use of commas before quotes, you magnificent bastard, I'll give you that.
01/29/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Yes, died.
05/24/2004 TheBuyer (2): Sort of a tired take on future-fucking and no one dies.
09/28/2004 Cuntbreath (1): Fuck You, Frankenstone...I'll teach you to censor my work.