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The MCP gazed down upon the computer world, and fixed his sensors on Yori. She had just finished running, breasts heavily puffing in and out. She came upon a pool of energy water and looked at it for a second.
000110010100100000011001100110110001101111011100000111000001101001011001010111001100101110," the MCP whispered.
And she did! The MCP suddenly felt a huge rush come over him, not unlike the time there was a power surge at ENCOM. Slowly, Yori got into the water, glimmering energy dripping from her now hardened nipples.
010011101010110001000100000011101000110100001101111011100110110010100101110," groaned the MCP.
She did just as he had said! Then, spotting a small spicket at the edge of the pool, pushing out a steady stream of energy water, Yori wadded over, leaned back, and straddled her legs around it. She closed her eyes.
010000000100000010011010110110101101101011011010110110100101110001011100010111000101110," the MCP continued to moan. Suddenly, the MCP got a signal that Dillinger was coming back to the office. Not much time. Looking down, Yori was now rubbing herself into an extacy!
00010000100100001001000010010000100100001001000000101100101 00010101000001010010000010000100100001," the MCP yelled! "0010001001001111011010000010000001111001011001010
With that, his energy levels collapsed and he quickly re-upped his firewalls as Dillinger walked in. Seems that Flynn was causing trouble again. Thank God he had installed those cyber-testes along with Space Cowboy before he was shitcanned.
Date Written: January 26, 2004Comments:
Author: Slappy White
Average Vote: 3.5
01/27/2004 Slappy White: I'm the freakin MAN! In your face, Acme Shorts!
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Heh.
01/30/2004 Will Disney: wow i can't believe how wide this short is.
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah, how does that happen?
01/30/2004 Joseph Keith (3): I had to translate! arrgh. I minus 1 star for that. lol
01/30/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I give this four just for getting me to actually read it. Plus it was good.
01/30/2004 senator: don't know yet...
01/30/2004 Jon Matza: Her breasts were puffing? And spicket=spigot? Entertaining, nonetheless.
01/30/2004 senator: Could someone please enlighten me? I don't think it is even mildly entertaining. I must be missing something.
01/30/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: did you jack off while writing this?
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony: http://nickciske.com/tools/binary.php
01/30/2004 Dolemite (4): I think the extra work required to read the short only enhanced it. That and the fact that TRON is the best movie ever.
01/31/2004 scoop (5): 01000110011101010110001101101011011010010110111001100111001
End of Criticism.
01/31/2004 Ewan Snow (2): While the gimmick is interesting, the short itself is hackneyed, sloppily written and not very funny. I don't understand why it has such a high rating.
01/31/2004 Slappy White: Ewan, I don't know why I did your mom in THA AZZ last night. Sometimes shit just happens. Accept it. Oh wait, no, I know why. Because I had 50 cents to burn.
02/1/2004 Mr. Pony: Yes, if only we would all vote honestly and accurately.
02/1/2004 Ewan Snow: Slappy is being a defensive wimp and should be embarassed for himself. Is he an alias for FrankenLenny or something? I didn't think so, but that response seems to indicate...
Pony, are you implying I did not vote honestly? If so, why? I really didn't think this had anything going for it.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: Yes, I am very embarassed because of my comments on AcmeShorts.com. I didn't sleep last night over it. Though I am thoroughly impressed by your ability to type so much whilst having one hand down your pants. You obviously put in overtime thinking about the shorts on here; your priorities in life are definitely in order.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: Jimson, I jack off to the Home and Garden channel, so it doesn't take much to get me going. In fact, right now, I'm jacking off to a box of Lean Cuisine Chicken Enchiladas.
02/1/2004 Ewan Snow: No, I was just pointing out that the short isn't any good. That's all.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: AND THERE IT IS! Thank you. "the short isn't any good" -- not "I THINK the short isn't very good." This ties right into the previous comments that you couldn't "understand" why it got high rankings. Apparently, Ewan Snow has a franchise on subjectivity; so much so that his subjective view is the unquestioned OBJECTIVE now. That's the problem with you and many of the "writers" on this site. It's all one big circle jerk for a lot of you. You metaphorically stroke each other's cocks and coo in each other's ears about how wonderful and on target your shorts are and then someone posts something as a lowly "guest" and they're not "smart" or "funny" or "good." Am I playing a game of semantics here, by not assuming every comment is just opinion? No, I don't think so. That's why this site will never be all that it could. It segregates out the owners of the site as the objective standard of what is smart and funny, and leaves the people who WOULD LIKE to support this site in the other section and told how they aren't on par with you both directly by your prick comments, and indirectly by not letting them be considered "writers" but "guests." If you had any nads you'd open up the front section for all and try to have a ton of people read and write in that section. But by relegating all newcomers to the other section and have to go through your pathetic verbal hazing, you're killing your own site. And you probably deserve that, because frankly, I THINK your writing is pretentious, and not all that hilarious, and I'd venture to say that a lot of others in the world think the same. By opening the site to all different sorts of humor and "smarts" you would attract more people to it, get them more interested in writing for it, and have a good honest discussion about different forms of humor. But as is, most of the site is a Sally One-Note with repetitive "humor" that shows little room for growth, and most of the rest are people trying to write like you so they can be "in." Well screw that. The ONLY reason I'm here now is to toy with you and screw up your ratings. Not because *I* give a shit, but because you do so much, and it'll be fun to watch you steam. Ass.
02/1/2004 Joseph Keith: Slappyu...Slapppy...Slappppppppy Hmm. Wrong.
In my OPINION however. Mind you this tis not a scathing
rant, however...putting some newcomer on as an 'Author'
(like me for example) is absolutely retarded. On the other
hand...to play a 'olde Scratch's barrister'...if they did that they still would give cadence to the regulars..."Sure
slap we'll post it for ya...in 5 months.."...((snicker))
if they wanna circle jerk ..let em circle jerk!
02/1/2004 senator (2): Slappy, I am a guest as well. I didn't like this short. It didn't do anything for me. This opinion has nothing to do with circle jerks. By the way, you are coming off like a jackass. Take the good comments with the bad.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: I may be a jackass, but I don't try to hide it by posting comments my 7th grade english teacher might have written. If it "does nothing for [you]" that's fine. Two stars in that case is completely legit. But this "write like we want you to write" crap is completely pretentious and does nothing to make this into a site people will want to be a part of [Yes, Ewan, I used a preposition at the end of the sentence to piss you the fuck off]. Teach a one credit course at CUNY if you're the master of good humor shorts. If not, then accept that people have their own ways of what's funny and smart and encourage them to keep writing AND in fact, put them on the same page as the writers, to go out of your way to show that the writers don't have a monopoly on the form. This site is as welcoming to and accepting of different views of "funny" as Michael Jackson is to a horny grown-up woman.
02/2/2004 Dolemite: How about some word wrap Disney?
02/2/2004 senator: Slappy, I liked the idea of this short. I just didn't get it. I assumed it was in reference to some book or movie that I am not familiar with.
02/2/2004 Slappy White: Yeah, it's in reference to TRON, Senator. Makes it not as widely understandable for some, I agree. But man, you never saw TRON? Damn. You have to rent it right now.
02/2/2004 qualcomm: i don't know enough about tron to comment here. i do remember being bored as hell by it. but in reference to your controversy with ewan, slappy, i think you're taking his comments too personally. of course it's his fucking opinion. that goes without saying. any reaction anyone has to anything is their opinion, right? so, yes, you are in fact arguing a semantic point. the fact that ewan may not think it's opinion, but objective fact, is irrelevant, isn't it? you're actually getting angry because he doesn't qualify his comments with "I thinks" and "IMHOs"?? that's stupid. by the way, look at ewan's ratings for other guest shorts. he doesn't give them all bad ratings. some of them are even written in styles different from the norm here. finally, your painfully unfunny comment about fucking ewan's mom in the ass does't do much to support your assertion that "people have their own ways of what's funny".
02/2/2004 senator: Ahh, Tron. I thought something was vaguely familiar. I don't remember much about it; however, I remember many hours of enjoyment playing the video game.
02/2/2004 qualcomm: yeah, now the video game, that was good.
02/2/2004 Slappy White: Feldspar, you're right. There's nothing funny about doing Ewan's mom IN THA AZZ. Well, except for that one time when the Three Stooges were on TV while doing it. Whooobwhooobwhooobwhooobwhooooob.... nyuk nyuk nyuk. In THA AZZ.
02/2/2004 Lenny (4): The funny thing is - and I don't think anyone has tried this yet - if you can find a binary-to-ascii translator on the web (they're out there) Slappy's 1's and 0's actually form text. Without that, this would be three-and-a-half star story. But you gotta give a man props for doing his homework.
02/2/2004 Lenny: Whoops, nevermind. Some of you did.
02/2/2004 Lenny: I think I remember saying something to ewan and others about the difference btw "objectivity" and "subjectivity" a while back. Hhhmmmm, 1)Ewan gets cornered, then 2)starts calling people stupid. Maybe if 1)Ewan would get off his high-horse and offer some intelligent discourse, then 2) People wouldn't get so pissed off at him.
02/2/2004 Mr. Pony: I've got a flying machine!
02/2/2004 Ewan Snow: For Pony's sake, I won't respond to Lenny's latest comment.
02/2/2004 Dolemite: Thank you for the word wrap.
02/3/2004 Slappy White: Trying to explain the difference between objectivity and subjectivity to some on here is like trying to explain the difference between "Good Touch" and "Bad Touch" to Michael Jackson. OH wait, I used an MJ joke. OK, then I mean to Gordon Jump as the bike shop owner, in the "Dudley Gets Molested" episode of Diff'rent Strokes.
02/3/2004 Dolemite: They played Tarzan in the bathtub.
02/4/2004 Slappy White: "I've never seen cartoons like THIS before..."
02/4/2004 Joe Frankenstone: I don't see what's so funny about fucking Ewan's mother's bleeding, gaping asshole.
02/4/2004 Lenny: Throw in a pop-culture reference and it sounds like you've got a short, Joe.
02/4/2004 Jon Matza: You'd have a Frankenlenny short, anyhow.
02/4/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Zing! Ewan, so you know, the funniest thing you could write right now would be, "STOP TALKING ABOUT MY MOMMA!" But of course that's not going to happen.
02/4/2004 Slappy White: NOW I GET IT! I forgot, Ewan Snow in ABC's '88 thursday night lineup at 8:00pm, "Stop Talkin' 'Bout My Momma!" No wonder he's so bitter. Beaten by The Coz. I'd be bitter too if I found out Cosby was cheatin' on Camille doin' my mom up DA AZZ as well. "MMMMMmmm.... Imaaaaaaagine I aaaaaaaaam stickiiiiiiiiiiin in your AAAAAASS a Jello Puddin Pop!" I give this comment *****, yes five stars for transitioning from the faux sitcom reference to a cyber Cosby imitation.
10/19/2004 Mr. Pony: Ewan, while you know I appreciate your sensitivity and protection, I believe the time has finally come for you to respond to Lenny's latest comment.