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The MCP gazed down upon the computer world, and fixed his sensors on Yori. She had just finished running, breasts heavily puffing in and out. She came upon a pool of energy water and looked at it for a second.

"010011110110100000100000011110010110010101100001011010
00001011000010000001101110011011110010000001101111011011100
11001010010000001101001011100110010000001101100011011110110
11110110101101101001011011100110011100101110001000000010000
00100001101101111011011010110010100100000011011110110111000
10110000100000011110010110111101110101001000000110111001100
10101100101011001000010000001110011011011110110110101100101
00100000011100100110010101100110011100100110010101110011011
01000011011010110010101101110011101000010111000100000001000
00010001010110111001100101011100100110011101111001001011100
01000000010000001010100011000010110101101100101001000000111
01000110100001101111011100110110010100100000011100000111001
00110111101110100011001010110001101110100011010010111011001
10010100100000011000110110111101110110011001010111001001101
00101101110011001110111001100100000011011110110011001100110
00100000011000010110111001100100001000000111001101101000011
01111011101110010000001101101011001010010000001110100011010
000110010100100000011001100110110001101111011100000111000001101001011001010111001100101110," the MCP whispered.

And she did! The MCP suddenly felt a huge rush come over him, not unlike the time there was a power surge at ENCOM. Slowly, Yori got into the water, glimmering energy dripping from her now hardened nipples.

"010011010100110101001101010011010100110101101101011011
01001011100010111000101110001000000010000001001111011010000
01000000111100101100101011000010110100000101110001011100010
11100010111000100000001000000101001001110101011000100010000
00111010001101000011011110111001101100101001011000010000001
10001001100001011000100111100100101110001000000010000001010
010011101010110001000100000011101000110100001101111011100110110010100101110," groaned the MCP.

She did just as he had said! Then, spotting a small spicket at the edge of the pool, pushing out a steady stream of energy water, Yori wadded over, leaned back, and straddled her legs around it. She closed her eyes.

"010011110110100000100000010001110110111101100100001011
10001000000100100100100000011101110110000101101110011101000
01000000111010001101111001000000110001001100101001000000110
10010110111000100000011110010110111101110101011100100010000
00110010001101001011100110110101100100000011001000111001001
10100101110110011001010010000001110011011011110010000001100
11001110101011000110110101101101001011011100110011100100000
01100010011000010110010000101110001000000010000001001111011
01000001011000010000001101001011101000010000001110111011011
11011101010110110001100100001000000110011001100101011001010
11011000010000001110011011011110010000001100110011101010110
00110110101101101001011011100110011100100000011001110110111
10110111101100100001011100010000000100000010100100111010101
10001000100000011110010110111101110101011100100111001101100
10101101100011001100010000001100100011011110111011101101110
00100000011101000110100001100101011100100110010100100000011
00010011010010111010001100011011010000010111000100000001000
00010011110110100000100000010001110110111101100100001011100
010000000100000010011010110110101101101011011010110110100101110001011100010111000101110," the MCP continued to moan. Suddenly, the MCP got a signal that Dillinger was coming back to the office. Not much time. Looking down, Yori was now rubbing herself into an extacy!

"010101010110111001101110011011100110011101101000001000
01001000010010000000100000010011110100100000100001001000010
01000010010000100100001001000010010000000100000001000000101
01010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010100111
00100011101001000001000010010000100100000001000000100100100
10011101101101001000000110011101101111011011100110111001100
00100100000011000110110111101101101011001010010110000100000
01011001011011110111001001101001001000010010000100100000001
00000010010010010011101101101001000000110011101101111011011
10011011100110000100100000011000110110111101101101011001010
01000010010000100100000001000000100111101101000001000000111
00110110100001101001011101000010000100100001001000000010000
00100011001110101011000110110101100100001001000010010000000
10000001011001011011110111010100100111011100100110010100100
00001110011011011110010000001100110011101010110001101101011
01101001011011100110011100100000011001110110111101101111011
00100001000010010000100100000001000000101010101010101010101
01010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010
10101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101
01010101010101010101010101010101010101001110010001110100100
00010000100100001001000010010000100100001001000000101100101 00010101000001010010000010000100100001," the MCP yelled! "0010001001001111011010000010000001111001011001010
11000010110100000101100001000000110001001101001011101000110
00110110100000101100001000000100010101101110011001000010000
0011011110110011000100000010011000110100101101110011001010010111000100010"

With that, his energy levels collapsed and he quickly re-upped his firewalls as Dillinger walked in. Seems that Flynn was causing trouble again. Thank God he had installed those cyber-testes along with Space Cowboy before he was shitcanned.

Date Written: January 26, 2004
Author: Slappy White
Average Vote: 3.5

Comments:
01/27/2004 Slappy White: I'm the freakin MAN! In your face, Acme Shorts!
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Heh.
01/30/2004 Will Disney: wow i can't believe how wide this short is.
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony: Yeah, how does that happen?
01/30/2004 Joseph Keith (3): I had to translate! arrgh. I minus 1 star for that. lol
01/30/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I give this four just for getting me to actually read it. Plus it was good.
01/30/2004 senator: don't know yet...
01/30/2004 Jon Matza: Her breasts were puffing? And spicket=spigot? Entertaining, nonetheless.
01/30/2004 senator: Could someone please enlighten me? I don't think it is even mildly entertaining. I must be missing something.
01/30/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: did you jack off while writing this?
01/30/2004 Mr. Pony: http://nickciske.com/tools/binary.php
01/30/2004 Dolemite (4): I think the extra work required to read the short only enhanced it. That and the fact that TRON is the best movie ever.
01/31/2004 scoop (5): 01000110011101010110001101101011011010010110111001100111001
01101010000010010111000100000010001100110111101110101011100
10001000000111001101110100011000010111001001110011001000000
11001100110111101110010001000000110001101101111011011100111
01000110010101101110011101000010110000100000011000010110111
00110111101110100011010000110010101110010001000000111001101
11010001100001011100100010000001100110011011110111001000100
00001100011011011110110111001100011011001010111000001110100
00101110001000000100011101101111011001000010000001000100011
00001011011010110111000101110. End of Criticism.
01/31/2004 Ewan Snow (2): While the gimmick is interesting, the short itself is hackneyed, sloppily written and not very funny. I don't understand why it has such a high rating.
01/31/2004 Slappy White: Ewan, I don't know why I did your mom in THA AZZ last night. Sometimes shit just happens. Accept it. Oh wait, no, I know why. Because I had 50 cents to burn.
02/1/2004 Mr. Pony: Yes, if only we would all vote honestly and accurately.
02/1/2004 Ewan Snow: Slappy is being a defensive wimp and should be embarassed for himself. Is he an alias for FrankenLenny or something? I didn't think so, but that response seems to indicate... Pony, are you implying I did not vote honestly? If so, why? I really didn't think this had anything going for it.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: Yes, I am very embarassed because of my comments on AcmeShorts.com. I didn't sleep last night over it. Though I am thoroughly impressed by your ability to type so much whilst having one hand down your pants. You obviously put in overtime thinking about the shorts on here; your priorities in life are definitely in order.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: Jimson, I jack off to the Home and Garden channel, so it doesn't take much to get me going. In fact, right now, I'm jacking off to a box of Lean Cuisine Chicken Enchiladas.
02/1/2004 Ewan Snow: No, I was just pointing out that the short isn't any good. That's all.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: AND THERE IT IS! Thank you. "the short isn't any good" -- not "I THINK the short isn't very good." This ties right into the previous comments that you couldn't "understand" why it got high rankings. Apparently, Ewan Snow has a franchise on subjectivity; so much so that his subjective view is the unquestioned OBJECTIVE now. That's the problem with you and many of the "writers" on this site. It's all one big circle jerk for a lot of you. You metaphorically stroke each other's cocks and coo in each other's ears about how wonderful and on target your shorts are and then someone posts something as a lowly "guest" and they're not "smart" or "funny" or "good." Am I playing a game of semantics here, by not assuming every comment is just opinion? No, I don't think so. That's why this site will never be all that it could. It segregates out the owners of the site as the objective standard of what is smart and funny, and leaves the people who WOULD LIKE to support this site in the other section and told how they aren't on par with you both directly by your prick comments, and indirectly by not letting them be considered "writers" but "guests." If you had any nads you'd open up the front section for all and try to have a ton of people read and write in that section. But by relegating all newcomers to the other section and have to go through your pathetic verbal hazing, you're killing your own site. And you probably deserve that, because frankly, I THINK your writing is pretentious, and not all that hilarious, and I'd venture to say that a lot of others in the world think the same. By opening the site to all different sorts of humor and "smarts" you would attract more people to it, get them more interested in writing for it, and have a good honest discussion about different forms of humor. But as is, most of the site is a Sally One-Note with repetitive "humor" that shows little room for growth, and most of the rest are people trying to write like you so they can be "in." Well screw that. The ONLY reason I'm here now is to toy with you and screw up your ratings. Not because *I* give a shit, but because you do so much, and it'll be fun to watch you steam. Ass.
02/1/2004 Joseph Keith: Slappyu...Slapppy...Slappppppppy Hmm. Wrong. In my OPINION however. Mind you this tis not a scathing rant, however...putting some newcomer on as an 'Author' (like me for example) is absolutely retarded. On the other hand...to play a 'olde Scratch's barrister'...if they did that they still would give cadence to the regulars..."Sure slap we'll post it for ya...in 5 months.."...((snicker)) and umm...lol..heh.. if they wanna circle jerk ..let em circle jerk!
02/1/2004 senator (2): Slappy, I am a guest as well. I didn't like this short. It didn't do anything for me. This opinion has nothing to do with circle jerks. By the way, you are coming off like a jackass. Take the good comments with the bad.
02/1/2004 Slappy White: I may be a jackass, but I don't try to hide it by posting comments my 7th grade english teacher might have written. If it "does nothing for [you]" that's fine. Two stars in that case is completely legit. But this "write like we want you to write" crap is completely pretentious and does nothing to make this into a site people will want to be a part of [Yes, Ewan, I used a preposition at the end of the sentence to piss you the fuck off]. Teach a one credit course at CUNY if you're the master of good humor shorts. If not, then accept that people have their own ways of what's funny and smart and encourage them to keep writing AND in fact, put them on the same page as the writers, to go out of your way to show that the writers don't have a monopoly on the form. This site is as welcoming to and accepting of different views of "funny" as Michael Jackson is to a horny grown-up woman.
02/2/2004 Dolemite: How about some word wrap Disney?
02/2/2004 senator: Slappy, I liked the idea of this short. I just didn't get it. I assumed it was in reference to some book or movie that I am not familiar with.
02/2/2004 Slappy White: Yeah, it's in reference to TRON, Senator. Makes it not as widely understandable for some, I agree. But man, you never saw TRON? Damn. You have to rent it right now.
02/2/2004 qualcomm: i don't know enough about tron to comment here. i do remember being bored as hell by it. but in reference to your controversy with ewan, slappy, i think you're taking his comments too personally. of course it's his fucking opinion. that goes without saying. any reaction anyone has to anything is their opinion, right? so, yes, you are in fact arguing a semantic point. the fact that ewan may not think it's opinion, but objective fact, is irrelevant, isn't it? you're actually getting angry because he doesn't qualify his comments with "I thinks" and "IMHOs"?? that's stupid. by the way, look at ewan's ratings for other guest shorts. he doesn't give them all bad ratings. some of them are even written in styles different from the norm here. finally, your painfully unfunny comment about fucking ewan's mom in the ass does't do much to support your assertion that "people have their own ways of what's funny".
02/2/2004 senator: Ahh, Tron. I thought something was vaguely familiar. I don't remember much about it; however, I remember many hours of enjoyment playing the video game.
02/2/2004 qualcomm: yeah, now the video game, that was good.
02/2/2004 Slappy White: Feldspar, you're right. There's nothing funny about doing Ewan's mom IN THA AZZ. Well, except for that one time when the Three Stooges were on TV while doing it. Whooobwhooobwhooobwhooobwhooooob.... nyuk nyuk nyuk. In THA AZZ.
02/2/2004 Lenny (4): The funny thing is - and I don't think anyone has tried this yet - if you can find a binary-to-ascii translator on the web (they're out there) Slappy's 1's and 0's actually form text. Without that, this would be three-and-a-half star story. But you gotta give a man props for doing his homework.
02/2/2004 Lenny: Whoops, nevermind. Some of you did.
02/2/2004 Lenny: I think I remember saying something to ewan and others about the difference btw "objectivity" and "subjectivity" a while back. Hhhmmmm, 1)Ewan gets cornered, then 2)starts calling people stupid. Maybe if 1)Ewan would get off his high-horse and offer some intelligent discourse, then 2) People wouldn't get so pissed off at him.
02/2/2004 Mr. Pony: I've got a flying machine!
02/2/2004 Ewan Snow: For Pony's sake, I won't respond to Lenny's latest comment.
02/2/2004 Dolemite: Thank you for the word wrap.
02/3/2004 Slappy White: Trying to explain the difference between objectivity and subjectivity to some on here is like trying to explain the difference between "Good Touch" and "Bad Touch" to Michael Jackson. OH wait, I used an MJ joke. OK, then I mean to Gordon Jump as the bike shop owner, in the "Dudley Gets Molested" episode of Diff'rent Strokes.
02/3/2004 Dolemite: They played Tarzan in the bathtub.
02/4/2004 Slappy White: "I've never seen cartoons like THIS before..."
02/4/2004 Joe Frankenstone: I don't see what's so funny about fucking Ewan's mother's bleeding, gaping asshole.
02/4/2004 Lenny: Throw in a pop-culture reference and it sounds like you've got a short, Joe.
02/4/2004 Jon Matza: You'd have a Frankenlenny short, anyhow.
02/4/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Zing! Ewan, so you know, the funniest thing you could write right now would be, "STOP TALKING ABOUT MY MOMMA!" But of course that's not going to happen.
02/4/2004 Slappy White: NOW I GET IT! I forgot, Ewan Snow in ABC's '88 thursday night lineup at 8:00pm, "Stop Talkin' 'Bout My Momma!" No wonder he's so bitter. Beaten by The Coz. I'd be bitter too if I found out Cosby was cheatin' on Camille doin' my mom up DA AZZ as well. "MMMMMmmm.... Imaaaaaaagine I aaaaaaaaam stickiiiiiiiiiiin in your AAAAAASS a Jello Puddin Pop!" I give this comment *****, yes five stars for transitioning from the faux sitcom reference to a cyber Cosby imitation.
10/19/2004 Mr. Pony: Ewan, while you know I appreciate your sensitivity and protection, I believe the time has finally come for you to respond to Lenny's latest comment.