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"There are any number of distinguished explanations for why persons of substance might keep hand lotion by their bedsteads," explained Belvedere Crisp to his matronly German womanservant, Frau Hulga.
By way of example, he squirted a dollop of the stuff on his three primary digits, bent the poor woman over his Louis XIII dressing table (on whose surface still lay steaming his very full bedpan), and worked its moistness into her pruned buttocks.
"Now," he hissed between his genuine walrus ivory dentures, "Never again let your shadow fall in my bedchamber without first knocking."
Date Written: December 13, 2001
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