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"Good morning class."

"Good morning Mr. H."

'Mr. H' was the vocal shorthand for Mr. Hanson - though this particular class of 2nd graders liked to think the "H" stood for "happy". Today he seemed different. There was a certain tension in his voice. His eyes were swollen and angry.

"Today we're going to learn about a very important man named Napoleon. Has anyone heard of him?"

"I thought we were going to learn the capitals, Mr. H", little Suzi interjected.

"Well contrary to what some pencil-pushing bureaucrats at the school board might think about Mr. H, I do have the capacity to think for myself and I am not expendable...so I say we're going to learn about Napoleon, okay?"

Suzi sat down. She suddenly felt very small and very afraid though she didn't fully know why.

"Napoleon was a very famous man who lived a very long time ago. But he did a very stupid thing and it turned out he got into a lot of trouble because of it. This stupid thing led him to fall victim to a 'scorched-earth' policy."

"What does that mean?" little Johnny interjected.

"Well I'm glad you asked Johnny. Let's give an example, okay? Does anyone know the answer to why I fucked Johnny's Mom in the ass last night?"

Date Written: January 28, 2004
Author: Lenny
Average Vote: 3

02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: Is it because she asked you to?
02/9/2004 Craig Lewis: Because Johnny's mom is a total MILF who was practically fucking begging for it the week before at the parent-teacher conference?
02/9/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): If I were in the right mood maybe this would have made me laugh. Good beginning though.
02/10/2004 Mr. Pony: I think that "Mr. H" is a very very mean teacher.
02/10/2004 Slappy White (5): Yet more proof that jokes about doing someone's mom up the ass IS NOT HACKNEYED.
02/10/2004 Will Disney: Well, I have to concur with that, Slappy.
02/10/2004 qualcomm: why did you write "ass," slappy? is there a black guy sitting next to you correcting your spelling?
02/10/2004 Dylan Danko: Feldy! Snitty!
02/10/2004 Slappy White: Because Lenny spelled it like that, retardo.
02/10/2004 qualcomm: oh. i thought maybe it was because you're white.
02/11/2004 Slappy White: You're saying all black people spell it "AZZ?" Jesus Christ, I'm giving you one star on your next short for being a fuckin' racist, you hooked nosed Jew bastard.
05/24/2004 TheBuyer (1): There is nothing wrong with ass-fucking. NOTHING.
06/3/2004 TheBuyer: goddamnit, I was so drunk i forgot the second star.