home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
"Good morning class."
"Good morning Mr. H."
'Mr. H' was the vocal shorthand for Mr. Hanson - though this particular class of 2nd graders liked to think the "H" stood for "happy". Today he seemed different. There was a certain tension in his voice. His eyes were swollen and angry.
"Today we're going to learn about a very important man named Napoleon. Has anyone heard of him?"
"I thought we were going to learn the capitals, Mr. H", little Suzi interjected.
"Well contrary to what some pencil-pushing bureaucrats at the school board might think about Mr. H, I do have the capacity to think for myself and I am not expendable...so I say we're going to learn about Napoleon, okay?"
Suzi sat down. She suddenly felt very small and very afraid though she didn't fully know why.
"Napoleon was a very famous man who lived a very long time ago. But he did a very stupid thing and it turned out he got into a lot of trouble because of it. This stupid thing led him to fall victim to a 'scorched-earth' policy."
"What does that mean?" little Johnny interjected.
"Well I'm glad you asked Johnny. Let's give an example, okay? Does anyone know the answer to why I fucked Johnny's Mom in the ass last night?"
Date Written: January 28, 2004
Average Vote: 3