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Ol' Ferguson always got the better of me. Can't say I liked it - that's just the way it played out. Like that one time. I was screwing his wife - not that she liked it. He caught us right in the middle of the act, and he started screwing me. Not that he liked it. But she didn't mind it. Not that I have anything against it. Ol' Ferguson was like that. One time, he caught me stealing one of his tomatoes. There wasn't nothing to take from me - I didn't grow stuff. So he cuts off his finger - starts spraying the blood all over me. Can't say I liked it. He's one bitter sonuvabitch. Especially when he started putting that tomato into my rear entrance, when I was screwing his wife, and she liked it.

Date Written: January 29, 2004
Author: Texxx
Average Vote: 4.2222

02/6/2004 qualcomm (4): yeah, it's pretty funny.
02/6/2004 scoop (4): its like a linguistic chinese-finger trap. and its funny, too.
02/6/2004 qualcomm: best of all, i think it's by texxx! hooray for texxx! good one, texxx! welcome to the secret club!
02/6/2004 Will Disney (4): four stars. that's it.
02/6/2004 Joe Frankenstone (5): I smiled at "not that she liked it," and when I saw that that phrase construction was the point of the short, I laughed out loud. Outstanding.
02/6/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Not to 'get in on it', but that's good.
02/6/2004 Craig Lewis (4): "Rear entrance" gets you a bonus star.
02/6/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Yeah.
02/7/2004 Jon Matza (3): This isn't as good as you stooges say it is, but I'll admit it's more interesting than your average Texxx. Keep up the somewhat less bad work, l'il buddy!
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Blah blah blah Matza. Here was your time to admit you were a big man. Oh well.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: You mean all I have to do to be a "big man" is to publicly overstate my liking for your friends' shorts? I don't have to Save the Site?
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Whatever, man. It speaks for itself.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: But you thought you'd pipe up anyway? If I were "it", I'd ask you to stop trying to hopelessly, ineptly trying to articulate me.
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: I know, I debated keeping quiet. But I was wondering just what sort of need-to-get-the-last-word psycho you really are. But that said, I will stop trying to trying to trying to trying to articulate (sic) you.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: You got me on the edit. But your supposed motif (as Texx would say) for the none-too-witty opening salvo doesn't add up, given the amount of interactions we've had. What happened here was simply you thought you had a point but you didn't. Your own reason for being on the site is clearly to be a "big man" (hence your threats, manifesto, authoritative critical proclamations, etc) - so you assume it's everyone else's goal as well. Others care about the writing itself, though - a recurring problem for you and your ilk. But keep trying - maybe one of these days it's gonna happen for ya!
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: You moron. By "big man" I obviously meant, you know, a decent human being.
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: "Given the amount of interactions we've had." Heh. Well, Matza, we meet again. But this time, the advantage is MINE.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: The advantage is never yours, Frankenstone. You don't have the mental tools to compete. And unlike you, I've never made claims to integrity, decency etc. I just want to be in the intellectual company of people I respect.
02/9/2004 qualcomm: yeah, he's got you there, matza, it's number of interactions. and frankencooze, bravo for finally admitting that on your previous interactions, the advantage was HIS.
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Zing! Damn my own petard, upon which I am now hoisted! Matza, I believe one Dr. Henry Jones, Jr. said it best when he said, "Try the local sewer."
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: Congratulations, Frankenstone! You finally found a source besides Beavis and Butthead from which to steal your witless retorts!
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: OH NO YOU DIDN'T just dis Beavis and Butthead. Moron.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: Frankenstone, get your online persona straight. Are you the pedantic intellectual who talks about A-B-A structures which you fail to pull off under the above short? Or are you the pop-culture savvy, hip-hop talking, self-deprecating guy you're failing to pull off down here?
02/9/2004 Joe Frankenstone: Ugh. Too too tiresome. Changing the subject to irrelevent classification when you're losing? Okay, here it is: I'm the making-one-more-effort-to-take-part-in-this-site idiot who realizes he's getting nowhere except getting annoyed with the whole fucking thing. You win. I'm gone.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: Frankenstone? Frankenstone? Come back...I didn't mean it! [Sniff] Gosh, I didn't realize until it was too late that I really loved that l'il guy. I'll never forgive myself!
02/9/2004 anonymous: Is Frankenstone really gone? Matza, you did it! It's sort of funny that he thought you were losing, no?
02/9/2004 Texxx: You know what's funny? How I keep getting anonymous one-star ratings for my shorts. Now that's funny! Or how Matza waited till after my identity was revealed to post his subpar rating. That's pretty funny too. (Or transparent - I can't decide.)
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: Re Texxx's reappearance: Nature abhors a vacuum.
02/9/2004 Dylan Danko: By the way, Feldspar, technically it was deuce.
02/9/2004 Craig Lewis: Danko: no. Technically, it was douche. Technically.
02/9/2004 Will Disney: Take it easy, Matza.
02/9/2004 anonymous: u guyz r all cuntz.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: Slappy's quip inflicted a deep psychic would on me. Disney: Why don't you just come right out and say I'm letting the sound of my own wheels drive me crazy? Anyhow, I'll cooperate if you make this the latest controversy.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: wound.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: I said wound.
02/9/2004 Jon Matza: No, I said wound.
02/9/2004 Will Disney: Done!
02/9/2004 anonymous: here'z somethin controversial. u guyz r all cuntz.
02/9/2004 scoop: I've got a bad case of the psychic blue balls because my psychic "would" can find no purchase in a psychic "cunt."
02/9/2004 anonymous: hey man, i never pretended to be psychic. but i don't have to be psychic to know that you are the biggest cunt of them all.
02/9/2004 anonymous: Just who do you think you are, anon_user_b ?
02/9/2004 anonymous: i am the un-cunt.
02/9/2004 scoop: It's widest cunt of them all, anonunderscoreuserunderscorelowercaseb. Widest, not biggest. K ;)
02/11/2004 Dolemite (5): Me likey.