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DONALD FUCKING SUTHERLAND
Christopher exited his apartment building. He began to walk east on West 56th Street.
It had the makings of a normal day. A rote day. A day without substance.
But then he spied DONALD FUCKING SUTHERLAND walking his dog.
"Hey! DONALD FUCKING SUTHERLAND! I loved you in M*A*S*H, boss." he cried, startling the wizened actor and interrupting the actor's labrador mid-strea, mid-leg-lift, mid-uhhhhnation!
"Jesus, kid. You frickin' trying to give me an attack? You fucking piece of chook."
And with that, Christopher shrugged, hocked a loogie on the well brushed back of DONALD FUCKING SUTHERLAND's mangy mutt and continued on his way, hoping, wishing, praying, he'd run into DOOGIE PISSING HOWSER M.D. aka Patrick Stewart.
Date Written: February 13, 2004Comments:
Author: port jervis
Average Vote: 3.8889
02/20/2004 Will Disney (4): That's good. Plus that's a classy way to end a short - the spitting, the French stuff, Doogie Howser - everything.
02/20/2004 Jon Matza: No way. Strong start, but I would have liked it better w/out the final par. If it'd just ended with Sutherland insulting him - perfect ending.
02/20/2004 Dick Vomit (4): I support/affirm you, PJ. Keep 'em coming. You're a good kid.
02/20/2004 Texxx (4): I wish you had spit on Mr. Holland Opus' dog instead. That guy is a jerk.
02/20/2004 port jervis: Thank you for the feedback.
02/20/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Hoo hoo
02/20/2004 Dylan Danko (4): Holy shit! This guy gets 4 stars for thanking us for the feedback alone!
02/23/2004 port jervis: um...thank you for the feedback on the feedback about the feedback. How..."meta."
02/23/2004 senator (3): "piece of chook." good stuff. I didn't get the "aka Patrick Steward".
02/23/2004 port jervis: Patrick Stewart = detail of the mania that is the protagonist. Doogie Howser was played on the short lived television series by the actor Neal Patrick Harris who has since gone on to a peripheral film career and some work on Broadway. He is being confused with the domed thespian Patrick Stewart by our excitable, yet eternally cuddlesome, protag.
I can only hope that my next piece.."Doe, a deer. A female deer." is as warmly received by you all.
02/23/2004 Will Disney: ha
02/23/2004 Texxx: I would like to take umbrage with the fact that Doogie Howser was 'short-lived,' as you say. If I recall, I think it was on TV for a maddeningly long amount of time.
02/28/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (4): That would have been a good ending, Matza. The other joke is a little more obtuse. Still, this is funny.
06/11/2004 Pix (4): Pour yerself another!
02/2/2005 Mr. Pony: CHOOK-CHOOK! CHOOK-CHOOK! CHOOK-CHOOK CHOOK-CHOOK! CHOOK-CHOOK CHOOK-CHOOK! CHOOK-CHOOK CHOOK-CHOOK! CHOOK-CHOOK CHOOK-CHOOK! CHOOK-CHOOK CHOOK-CHOOK! CHOOK-CHOOK CHOOK-CHOOK!
02/2/2005 Cyrus (4): I bet Christopher walks like the guy in the "keep on truckin'" poster.
02/2/2005 Mr. Pony: I withdraw my accusation.