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On his application, under the header delineated for NAME:, was a picture of a man drawing a picture. Yup, the PowerPoint-Man had always seemed a little out of place here at The Corporation. But the presentations! Words could not describe. Especially his words, since PowerPoint-Man was in fact pre-language. He thought in terms of images and pictures, graphs and charts.
But he took what we would call “great pride” in his work. For example, after finishing an important job PowerPoint-Man had a ritual. He would uncinch his weathered satchel where he kept his collection of misshapen stones. He would take each stone, one by one, and with great care arrange them in a significant pile.
But the Asst. Mgr. had “issues” with the monuments.
“I have issues with the monuments,” the Asst. Mgr. said to PowerPoint-Man, as he swung his tasseled shoes on to the top of his neat desk. “The problem isn’t with the presentations," he said clasping his fingers together and putting his hands behind his head. "It’s these piles of rocks you keep leaving around the office," he continued, shifting in his relax fit chinos. "They’re interfering with the image of the office. Is there any way—“
But before the Asst. Mgr. could finish, PowerPoint-Man leapt on top of the desk and smashed him in the face, driving his nose in to his brain and killing him instantly. PowerPoint-Man did not have the words to describe how he felt. Instead he uncinched his weathered satchel and began taking out stones, one by one…
Date Written: February 26, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 3.6667
03/2/2004 qualcomm (4): powerpoint-man. ready to talk about feelings. now more than ever.
03/2/2004 Jon Matza (4): Doesn't PowerPoint-Man ever have to make bulleted lists? What kind of an operation is this? And if it were up to me the manager would have had 'concerns', not 'issues' with the monuments. But these are minor grievances. A fine tale.
03/2/2004 anonymous: Matza: Yes, there are bulleted lists, but to PowerPoint Man, letters are just pretty shapes. And Asst. Mgr. would have used "concerns" but his wife uses "issues" -- it's a little something they share.
03/2/2004 Jon Matza: uh-oh...is that Texxx or someone parodying him?
03/2/2004 Mr. Pony (4): This is missing PowerPoint-Man's blood-curdling but strangely dispassionate scream as he leaps up onto the desk. Otherwise good.
03/2/2004 anonymous: Its so hard to tell the difference between a parody and a person these days, Matza, what with this confounded anonymity feature and all.
03/2/2004 Jon Matza: Or a parody or a self-parody.
03/2/2004 anonymous: Lerpa!
03/2/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I liked the stones and the satchel. Like Joe's tropical lava lamp in Joe Vs. The Volcano.
03/2/2004 Ewan Snow (3): This is more of a three point five, but I didn't laugh, so I'm rounding down. As for the piles of stones, they're more like the one that Martin Sheen makes at the end of Badlands when the cops are about to catch him, no?
03/2/2004 anonymous: PowerPoint Man is a big fan of Badlands, Ewan.
03/4/2004 Dylan Danko (3): Anyone notice a vague theme emerging in some of Scoop's most recent work?
03/25/2004 anonymous (1): Geez, way too easy. Power Point; office cultuire again; Badlands.
03/25/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey, guys, what'd I miss?