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Ron: What's in the bag?
Tad: Anal, bro.
Tad: Must be in the 60s today...
Ron: ...hang on, whadja mean 'anal'? I asked you what was in the bag.
Tad: I told you. Anal!
Ron: What are you talking about, 'anal'?
Tad: Anal, brother. Anal penetration.
Ron: But that's, like, a verb. An act.
Tad: This is no verb, brother. This is the real deal. And it's a knockout!
Ron: Let me see!
Tad: (holding bag away) Yeah, right.
Ron: Dude, please?
Tad: Why should I let you see it?
Ron: Why not?
Tad: 'Cause what's in it for me?
Ron: Come on, lemme see it!
Tad: OK, but you owe me one. Bigtime.
Ron: (taking bag, looking inside) Whoa...Holy shit!!!!
Tad: I told you it was critical, dude!
Ron: That's some serious fucking anal, bro!
Date Written: March 03, 2004Comments:
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 3.75
03/9/2004 Craig Lewis (3): Lesser Matza. The dialogue is pitch perfect; I love "critical," and the fact that Tad is named Tad. But it doesn't make magic for me. We all know that Matza can do this kind of schtick in his sleep.
03/9/2004 Will Disney: I like the ??? in the dialog - that works.
03/9/2004 anonymous: This doesn't dignify any further response than the below? Something I said? Everyone's incapacitated with laughter? Or is the subject matter simply too raw, too intense for you people?
03/9/2004 anonymous: It was something you said.
03/9/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Begging for votes? Wish I'd thought of that. It's too bad this short is funny, because otherwise my sarcastic comment would bear more sting.
03/9/2004 Jon Matza: I'm tired of your hurtful jibes, anon_user_a...
I'm prepared to let you go/
If its love you want from me/
Then take it away/
Everything is not what you see/
It's over again/
Do you really want to hurt me?/
Do you really want to make me cry?
03/9/2004 anonymous: Yes, please cry.
03/9/2004 Jon Matza: I fall to pieces Each time I see you again/
I fall to pieces How can I be just your friend?/
You want me to act like we've never kissed/
You want me to forget/
Pretend we never met/
And I've tried and I've tried/
But I haven't yet/
You walk by and I fall to pieces
03/9/2004 scoop (4): I thouhgt that was our special song Matza? How could you? Wait -- don't answer that. I hurt enough already...
03/9/2004 Jon Matza: Scoop: it was our special song. But now there are other people hurting me the way you used to.
03/11/2004 senator (4): I liked this one. The surprise in the bag reminded me of Pulp Fiction and Resevoir Dogs.