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Joe 'Yankee' Doodle knew, in his heart, that it was not macaroni. But goddammit this girl was hot. And banging a British broad - it was a real feather in his cap.
Yankee slapped away at her.
God, am I going to town, he thought to himself. I AM GOING TO TOWN!
That's when his roommate walked in, just when Yankee was really a-ridin' that redcoat bitch good. "What the hell are you doing?" his roommate shouted.
"Dude, I'm sorry - I thought it was macaroni," Yankee said.
"No, dude, it isn't! It isn't macaroni at all! You're fucking my fucking girlfriend!"
Yankee shrugged, getting his clothes together. "Well, I thought it was macaroni."
Date Written: March 08, 2004Comments:
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.625
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow (5): I laughed at this one. I was wondering if this was going to be funny when I read the first line in the pending shorts list. It paid off. Good ending.
03/12/2004 Dylan Danko (5): Yeah, this cracked me up totally unexpectedly.
03/12/2004 qualcomm (5):
03/12/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (5):
03/12/2004 Mr. Pony: Whoa! I thought this one was good, but fairly telegraphed! But all those first-tier author fives make Mr. Pony reconsider!
03/12/2004 John Slocum (5): Very tight, very clever. http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Cottage/3192/Yankee.html
03/12/2004 catfish (5): excellent. don't we all know in our heart, it's not macaroni?
03/12/2004 scoop (3): Pony's right. This is totally predictable. I don't get all the fuss.
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: Scoop, you knew it wasn't macaroni? Maybe I'm slow, but I thought it was macaroni.
03/12/2004 anonymous: I'd like to thank the Acme Academy for all these high votes. Even scoop, I guess, you son of a bitch.
03/12/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Slocum, I recognized the song reference (but thanks, just the same). I was just very confused at the voting--seems like most of the people below would have written this one off. I guess I don't know their hearts as well as I thought I did. Well, here's to getting to know you guys all over again!
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: I just like how he keeps saying he thinks it's macaroni. Don't know why, but it just seems funny. Is this Disney?
03/12/2004 Craig Lewis (4): 4.5!
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: Craig, glad to learn your opinion. As far as I’m concerned, anybody who has a self-given nickname (a dog’s name, no less), and got all his friends to call him by it, is certainly worth paying attention to. “Dude, dude, check it out. This is going to be totally classic, OK? From now I want you to all call me Rover!”
03/12/2004 Jon Matza: Just a minute there, Snow. Didn't you once try to get your friends to call you "Sharkey"?
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: No. I just made a joke about doing that, because it was so fucking stupid.
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: I think Feldspar did know somebody in college who gave himself the nickname Sharkey, though...
03/12/2004 scoop: I just actually "made love" to a bowl of macaroni after it cooled off a bit and have come to two conclusions. One: I've found true love. Two: Henceforth I will be known as Marmaduke. And it shall be as if nothing has changed.
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: Ha!
03/12/2004 Jon Matza: I'm not sure I remember it that way, Sharkey, though I could be wrong. Can others weigh in on whether they remember this gambit as being 100% tongue in cheek?
03/12/2004 anonymous: i don't care what anybody says - i'll take the 4.5 stars, lewis
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: Matza, your out of your mind if you think that I actually tried to get people to call me sharkey. I think I got the idea cuz Feldspar told me about some total douche bag at school who had all his friends call him sharkey.
03/12/2004 Jon Matza: I'm out of my mind, all right - out of my mind with hatred and jealousy!!!!
03/12/2004 Jon Matza: was that funny?
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: Sort of.
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: *you're*
03/12/2004 Ewan Snow: I did like the movie Sharky's Machine...
03/12/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Of course it was tongue-in-cheek. What--you thought it was in earnest?
03/12/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: oops. Chimed in a bit late there.
03/12/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: I think the virtue of this short is not just the conceit, but the fact that he takes it so far. All the way to town, if you'll notice.
03/12/2004 Benny Maniacs (5): Two 4.5's makes this five and damn good save in last line.
03/12/2004 Benny Maniacs: B.T.W. - Is Pony the British lady?
03/12/2004 John Slocum: Mr. Pony: (Sorry - way after the fact) Snippy fella, aren't you. I didn't include the yankee doodle lyric site because I thought maybe some people didn't get the song reference, but because I looked it up to see just how well the author did his/her homework. I discovered the "Yankee slapped away at her" line in the short referenced, possibly, a line in the song from a little know stanza. Also, I didn't remember the refrain ordered yankee doodle to "keep it up" or to be "handy" with the girls. This short, for me, completely illuminated the (erotic) subtext of the song, a subtext I've been "aware" of all my life without ever consciously acknowledging it. I thought maybe other people might enjoy this exciting experience of discovery. I'm sorry you thought I might be insulting anyone's intelligence.
03/12/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey, Slocum. Yeah, I knew that you weren't trying to show me what song this was referencing. The gag I was going for there had something to do with my being both insecure and self-righteous about how dumb I think everyone thinks I am. Which, now that I think about it, was insane for me to expect anyone to get. Anyway. Did you know that "Yankee Doodle" is said to have 190 verses? I was unable to find a link to the complete text, so this could be a lie. And Maniacs--I was really hoping we could have gotten through this short without anyone making that joke.
03/13/2004 Craig Lewis: Pony, if I'm not mistaken, there are many different versions of "Yankee Doodle" in the public domain, some of them centuries old; the most famous one is the George M. Cohan song "Yankee Doodle Boy," which was a turn of the century Broadway showtune about an American jockey who went to London and kicked ass in some steeple chase races. (I'm serious.) None of which has anything to do with the day's truly important news.
03/13/2004 scoop: Hey Lewis, I see your concert announcement and raise it with this, from the band's own website: "Here’s an amazing opportunity to be a part of PUDDLE OF MUDD’s performance on LAST CALL with CARSON DALY show on Tuesday, March 23rd. Our friends at 1iota Productions are looking for diehard fans to be a part of this performance. The show will take place in New York City. If you are one of the lucky fans we ultimately and exclusively invite, know that you are an integral part of the performance!"
03/13/2004 Mr. Pony: Yes, well, I only know one. So maybe there's only one, maybe.
05/27/2004 Ewan Snow: This is one of the all time best. How about this for the postcard?
06/19/2004 TheBuyer (5):
11/2/2006 TheBuyer: Sometimes I say this - No, dude, it isn't! It isn't macaroni at all! You're fucking my fucking girlfriend! - out loud and completely out of context and sure people laugh, but they don't get it.
12/1/2009 Master Bates (4.5):