home authors guest shorts graphical shorts
The Allegory Stupid of Jacob Starfish
Jacob Starfish awoke to the sudden realization that he wasn't wearing pants! No pajamas, no underpants, not even the slacks he had been wearing the previous day! Also, he was on an above-ground subway train moving through Brooklyn! Also, he had a tummy-ache!
"Oh, my," he thought. "How in the world did I get on this train? And where have my pants gotten to?"
Before he could search his memory for answers, he felt the train shudder and slow. The vibrations of the brakes hurt his ears and made him dizzy. He looked around. The sun shone through the windows, casting backward shadows of swear words on his face. His particular car was empty, but he could see how that was about to change! Standing on the approaching platform was a horde of soon-to-be straphangers engaging in their morning commute! A tiny fart escaped his butt.
The train stopped! With a chime, the doors rocked open! As the compartment filled with groggy passengers shuffling their newspapers, Jacob dove through the doors separating his car from the next! With wide eyes and gritted teeth, he stood between the two cars and glared through the scratch-fogged window as the subway car filled: seats first, then the spaces under the bars, then the shallow nooks formed by the doors!
"What am I going to do?" he wondered aloud. Then to himself, he said, "I have no pants, and I am on a crowded subway! I am in big trouble!"
"Stand clear of the closing doors," the computerized voice intoned. This gave him an idea! He turned invisible and flew away.
TO BE CONTINUED
Date Written: March 15, 2004
Author: Jacob Starfish
Average Vote: 4.5714