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Wednesday Was a Bitch
(as told by Dig Dug)

Fygar was on my ass all morning. I had just gotten a little work in. I mean, barely anything. I guess I tunneled in about 6 or 7 feet by 10 am. Which is a pretty good day for me. I knew I was that deep by the way the silt changed color all of a sudden. I was at a new 'layer,' so to speak.

So Fygar, that prick, starts trying to burn me from behind. Coward never had the balls to take me head on. It's always when I'm not looking and trying to get away that he mans up.

Pooka's running back-and-forth, back-and-forth like the Ritalin-addicted idiot that he/it is. Okay - back to the story.

Honestly, I just wanted to go home and eat some of Mrs. Dig Dug's home cooking. I was just hungry - which puts me in a bad mood.

So maybe I'm a little out-of-line here. But I start pumping his ass up. He explodes, and I go home.

I open the door, and there's Mr. Do, banging Mrs. Dig Dug. So I released a boulder, perching from above, crushing them both.

Date Written: April 05, 2004
Author: Cabot
Average Vote: 4.1111

Comments:
04/9/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (5): This is unfair on many levels.
04/9/2004 Craig Lewis (4): Hmmmm. This is well-written, but feels derivative: paint-by-numbers Acme. Would have given 3.5, but the terrific final sentence (especially "perching from above") bumps it up .5.
04/9/2004 Mr. Pony (4): The first sentence made me laugh out loud. As much as I love the concept, the execution was just slightly too literal for me. Still liked it. Just explaining why this was not a five, for a short that made me guffaw. You're so right about Pooka, though. The guy's a spaz.
04/9/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey, Craig, you know you couldn't have given it 3.5 stars, right?
04/9/2004 scoop (4): Redemptive last line. Wuldve gotten rid of the "as told by Dig-Dug" thing in the beginning.
04/9/2004 Will Disney (4): yeah, i like it. it isn't "groundbreaking", sure, but it's got a stellar closer.
04/9/2004 Craig Lewis: Pony: you're right, of course. I for one am in favor of half-stars.
04/9/2004 qualcomm (4): thank you for re-introducing fygar to my brain.
04/9/2004 Maxwell Demon (4): I agree with scoop. I would have liked the slow realization that this was about digdug. I don't know why mrs. digdug would have preferred mr. do throwing his one ball at her instead of getting pumped til she exploded. They deserved it.
04/9/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Strengthy. Very strengthy.
04/9/2004 Mr. Pony: Cabot, you may have thought that Dig-Dug may have been to obscure a reference to expect anyone to get. I can think of at least four people on this site, however, who can hum and/or whistle the theme.
04/9/2004 anonymous: I have to say that was a reservation at first. In retrospect, I should've amended the title, especially since Mrs. Dig Dug comes into play. Never underestimate the Acme community!
04/9/2004 Mr. Pony: No, no, you misunderstand. Two of those four people I mentioned can't do anything else.
04/9/2004 anonymous: I see. Well, this short is really about my distaste for Mr. Do, not just Dig Dug's. That game really sucks.
04/9/2004 John Slocum: Whoa, cabot - I used to love playing that game. It does not suck.
04/9/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: I'm just glad no one brought up Pengo. That goldmine is off limits, people!
04/10/2004 Jon Matza (4): Hey Cabot-you seem to vary between a) a straighforward style as seen in this short and b) an inscrutable one like the previous (Lash Witherspoon) one--or the male stripper one--filled with pointlessly and distractingly overblown language, e.g., 'sizable', 'merely fortuitous', 'supine', 'de riguer' (sic), 'I retain a modicum of professional distance, if you will' and so on. For what it's worth, the former style makes for infinitely more palatable reading.