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“Will it call me?” A bit of taco fell from the corner of J.Lo’s mouth as she stirred groggily on the four-poster bed. She looked up expectantly and the light filtering through the sheer curtains briefly illuminated her breasts before she slowly, regretfully, pulled the sheets up to cover herself.

“No,” rasped The Lerpa, “It won’t.”

Only the slight sounds of soft crying and the the rustle of fabric filled the room as The Lerpa pulled its crimson pantaloons from the drying rack near the fireplace. Last night’s thunderstorm had soaked them through, and the threadbare material now seemed a bit tighter around its distended belly. Leaving through the large front door, It lurched past the immaculately kept lawns and gatehouse into the cool April morning. The Lerpa reminded itself that It wanted more than just another broodmare. Her music was for shit, and Its ardor evaporated upon hearing that crap. Though the hours that had passed while their bodies entwined were diverting, they had no future in the empty, meaningless taking of pleasure.

It gurgled through a lipless mouth in the strengthening daylight. “Come away with me, in the night.” Now that was music to get Its fuck on. Perhaps she would be the one....¿.

Date Written: April 08, 2004
Author: Maxwell Demon
Average Vote: 4.1667

04/13/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Ha ha Yes! Hearing the Lerpa introspect makes be both laughing and crying! The Lerpa tears its way through the music world, through Acme, and through our hearts! Looks like the Lerpa don't belong to you no more, Feldspar! HOW DARE YOU?
04/13/2004 Dylan Danko: Is the upside down question mark a spanish thing or does it indicate a particular level of uncertainty?
04/13/2004 Maxwell Demon: ¡Hola Danko! Una error. I wonder if it’s from copy and pasting this one in. Although I kind of like it now so-um-I mean yes.
04/13/2004 Mr. Pony: Maxwell, you have a history of letting strange characters slip, from stray line breaks to enigmatic lemniscates. I can't shake the feeling that there's something going on there.
04/13/2004 Will Disney: i like that part with the BREASTS. was that horny or what? can this short be illustrated? or at least photoshopped with a real head and a porno body?
04/13/2004 Jon Matza (4): Hey, good writing demon!
04/13/2004 Maxwell Demon: Pony™—I don’t mean to obfuscate. I think it’s just that I’m related to the Spanish mathematician Ventura Reyes y Prósper (1863-1922), at least by injection, and it’s this genetic memory directing my every action.
04/13/2004 John Slocum (4): I'm with Matza here, nice writing, particularly 'It gurgled through a lipless mouth in the strengthening daylight.'
04/13/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): I thought The Lerpa would "lurple" or something other than gurgle. Hey Mr. Pony, can The Lerpa withstand sunlight?
04/13/2004 Mr. Pony: What I know about the Lerpa was culled from an interview with the actual Lerpa, as well as The Lerpa's original Lerpa short. I worked these facts into "Behold...The Lerpa!" Subsequent facts about the Lerpa seem to come to light as new shorts about the Lerpa are written, such as Matza's "Congratulations, Mrs. Newman" and your short "Stinking Vengeance". Other facts and figures regarding the Lerpa seem to slip from the lips of the man once known as "Feldspar" with such astonishing regularity that no actual meaning can be gleaned from the outbursts. So I think any traits of the Lerpa can only be defined by a short. The Lerpa uses a litterbox. The Lerpa can either change size, or he eats tiny people. The Lerpa wears red pants over his pink g-string and tube top. The Lerpa has no lips. And so on. Sorry about the exposition, everybody. Anyway, the Lerpa now belongs to Acme, both in spirit, and legally, apparently. Maybe someone needs to find a new name? You are all experts on the Lerpa. Go forth and spread its word.
04/13/2004 qualcomm: pony, your argument is so commie it could have come from the lips of danko himself.
04/13/2004 Dylan Danko: Ho hum... More emotional blackmail. I'm a Decembrist not a commie. Please adjust your vagina accordingly.
04/14/2004 Mr. Pony: Sorry, the Lerpa, but it appears your likeness and persona has entered the public domain! Just yours, though, so call me a commie if you like, but be prepared to be wrong! We own your ass!
04/14/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Wow, the Lerpa, Public domain! You're right up there with Thor, and Sean Connery!
04/14/2004 scoop: "Though the hours that had passed while their bodies entwined were diverting, they had no future in the empty, meaningless taking of pleasure." But what about the moment, Maxwell Demon? The moment!
04/14/2004 Mr. Pony: Moments are for losers, scoop!!
04/14/2004 scoop: Oh, sorry Mr. Pony. I thought space travel and exploration was for losers, and moments were for the righteous and honorable. Again, my apologies.
04/14/2004 Mr. Pony: No, it is I who must apologize! For it is you who is stooopid!! Haw haw haw! and in anticipation of your response; I had exactly the right amount to drink this evening, thank you very much!! Fah!
04/15/2004 scoop (4): I look forward to more submissions from this author. His writing seems like all sweetness. Strawberry Shortcake sweet.
05/24/2004 TheBuyer (4): holy fuck, am I loaded or what?