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Having just given Tommy what she described as a
"courtesy hand-job" in the front seat of his car in the parking lot, Marni sat next to Jeremy--who had been bugging her for a date for weeks--in a crowded, noisy homeroom. His left knee bouncing with eager-beaver nervous energy, Jeremy leaned toward her and said,"Hey, what's that on your arm?" Marni looked at the encrusted stain on her forearm. "Toothpaste," she lied, and before she could stop him, Jeremy grabbed her wrist and licked off the stain. She stared at him. He smacked his lips, smiled and said, "Oooooh, salty!"
Date Written: April 28, 2004Comments:
Author: J. Edgar
Average Vote: 3.1429
05/3/2004 Will Disney (4): Tommy sounds like a lucky guy, courtesy or not.
05/3/2004 John Slocum: Very short, very rich, very funny! Laughed out loud with great, rolling, deep chortles from the belly.
05/3/2004 John Slocum (5): Oops, forgot to vote.
05/3/2004 qualcomm (3): knmciopwec eoipcv eiuvch iuvh ieuopvhu eiuh
05/3/2004 Mr. Pony: Oh, so now you're from Maine, too?
05/3/2004 qualcomm: ayuh
05/3/2004 scoop (2): Oh, boy. This stinks. I'm supposed to beleive this guy Jermemy, nervous to ask a girl out, is going to lick her arm? Come on.
05/3/2004 TheBuyer (2): I'll second that
05/3/2004 John Slocum: Wow! Hot fuck. 2 stars? My god.
Scoop: you completely mis-read the short. Jeremy has 'eager-beaver nervous energy,' different than being too nervous to ask her out. The short says in plain, black and white English: '...who had been bugging her for a date for weeks...' HE HAS BEEN ASKING HER OUT FOR WEEKS! Follows perfectly naturally he might lick a toothpaste stain off her sainted/scented arm.
05/3/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Ugh. Germs.
05/3/2004 scoop: Slocum: Dude, everything leading to the punchline feels like a tortured attempt to have a dude lick dried cum off a girls arm. And when we get there I don't even get the flaky, chloriney, details.
05/3/2004 John Slocum: What's tortured about this? Is it the back to back prepositional phrases (or whatever the fuck you call them) in the first sentence? Besides that, to me it reads light and smoothly, not so deep, but again, short and sweet and funny. AND DON'T EVER CROSS MATZA AGAIN!
05/3/2004 John Slocum: Oh yah, and I might be a drunk, but I never saw the licking-the-dried-cum-off-a-girls-arm jape coming. What gave it away to you?
05/3/2004 John Slocum: And TheBuyer, what do you have to say for...wait a second, this feels familiar!
05/4/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): I give this seven stars out of twelve.
05/4/2004 Will Disney: Welcome to AcmeShorts, J. Edgar!
05/4/2004 John Slocum: why maniacs, that's the same as 3.5 out of 6, or 2.9167 out of 5, i guess rounded up to 3!
05/4/2004 TheBuyer: I've been removing virii from my hardrii for the last ten hours.
I think this short is bad, John. I don't like it. I don't like "quotes," forgetting to use Autoformat, the name Marni, "Ooooh, Salty," or italics.
Pick on that for a while, I'm busy.
05/4/2004 John Slocum: Fair enough
05/4/2004 John Slocum: although that's nit-picking
05/4/2004 TheBuyer: Nit-picking, hair splitting, hey! I fit right in.
05/4/2004 TheBuyer: Oh, was that a first effort? I just read down...I'll take back the autoformat comment [in regards to lack of < br>] and tip my own fresh, rookie hat you to you for subjecting yourself to this kind of scrutiny, sir.
05/4/2004 Phony Millions (3): This short is not trying to be anything other than it is.