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The day began pleasantly enough. I exited my rooms and emerged into the sparkling noontime sunshine. My suit was freshly pressed, my collar crisply starched, brilliantine gleamed in the tar-black of my mustaches (facial- and nether-). A hundred heads turned to watch as I gusted through the midday throng. I purchased a Gazette and a packet of Christophe cigarettes, and ambled along the Quay. Far away cries: children at play, Jews hawking wares. I took a demitasse at a cafe overlooking a shady square, and read the news. War raged in the Crimea. I ordered a sherry. A bird swooped out of the treetops and fluttered to rest in the courthouse frieze. Sun and shadow vied for a place on the cobblestones. Hours passed. I wandered into a seedy immigrant quarter and buggered a Bedouin boy in a pension. I had a hookah, and recorded my musings in a diary. Late afternoon: again, into the heaving crowds. Confidence tricksters prowled the boulevards. How I hungered for a rarebit! I took a step off of the curb and, at once, a horseless carriage was upon me, screaming, clattering, oh, the blackness and blood-spattered gabardine...and then everything went dark as night.

And so, here I lie, in traction, both legs hoisted skyward. I've no longer a nose. Children scrawl unspeakable oaths on my casts. The food is an abomination, my novel lies crushed beneath the wheel of the demon vehicle, all is pain, humiliation and the howling void, the Z-100 Morning Zoo will be over in ten minutes time, and then what? No more fucking for the P-Man, that's for sure! Super.

Date Written: May 04, 2004
Author: Herm
Average Vote: 4

05/12/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): I give props to the noseless mustaches (facial or nether.) Dunno about that last word, but who cares?
05/12/2004 Will Disney: Who is the narrator here? Dylan?
05/12/2004 qualcomm (4): i'da been happier without the anachronistic joke at the end. the short was doing quite nicely on its own.
05/12/2004 Mr. Pony: It's a popular joke!
05/12/2004 Mr. Pony (4): And the Lerpa is absolutely right. You almost had me with the kids writing swears on his legs.
05/12/2004 Jon Matza (4): I agree w/the consensus. Terrific through "...howling void". 5 if it'd ended there. Highlights: rarebit, the crushed novel, "sun and shadow vied for a place on the cobblestones".
05/12/2004 TheBuyer (4): Yup.
05/12/2004 John Slocum (4): Gott-damn this is good and funny. Fuck you, author, for the shite ending. Fuck you for your lisp. I hope you hang yourself with your dumb hipster trendy key chain.
05/12/2004 TheBuyer: jesus, you still drinkin in the daytime, Slo?
05/12/2004 John Slocum: Just got through tasting an austrian riesling, a st. veran, a german riesling, a crozes-hermitage and a pommard. But I swear I spat my tastes.
05/13/2004 scoop (4): If you wouldve ended it at "sunshine" I wouldve given you 11 stars, Herm!
05/13/2004 Mr. Pony: Welcome to Acme, Herm! New voices are always welcomed with open arms!
05/13/2004 Dylan Danko (4): Yeah, really good in its rather bland cataloguing of details and events.
08/13/2004 Great Satan (4): HAW HAW HAW 666.