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Date Written: May 14, 2004
Author: Ferucio P. Chhretan
Average Vote: 1.875

Comments:
05/18/2004 TheBuyer (3): I hope they don't leave this short lying spread eagle in a pool of it's own blood, I like it...but not that much.
05/18/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): I like the randomness of the short and it's different style but can't find the moral of the story in there anywhere.
05/18/2004 John Slocum (2): Is this funny? Is this interesting?
05/18/2004 Jon Matza (2): I don't object to the idea of a chap scanning & posting something he finds as a short (I've seen 'zines devoted to such found 'texts'), but to echo Slocum & Maniacs, this one doesn't seem particularly interesting, ridiculous or amusing. Just random.
05/18/2004 scoop (1):
05/18/2004 qualcomm (1): corrective for those three-star votes, when this "short" so clearly deserves two
05/18/2004 Ewan Snow: The only funny thing about this short is that it almost appears to be in written in The Lerpa's demented scrawl. The Lerpa, are you the journalist behind this "off campus rumble" reporting?
05/18/2004 Mr. Pony: Assuming this short is actually "found". There are several clues here that indicate the two notes were written in Honolulu, by someone (witty coffee shop employee? The Author who posted this?) intentionally using non-Hawaii vernacular in order (presumably) to be ironic. It's probably clear to everybody that the tone is intentionally constructed for the purpose of humor, rather than an innocent bearer of the "quirkyness" the format seems to imply. ("It." in quotes. "Yes.") This takes a step back from my standard criticism of "shaped like funny, but not funny" and steps right into "intending to be shaped like funny, but not funny, and kind of a waste of time". Would have given two stars, but defining "Hapa" (especially in such a visually overt manner) bleached out one of the only authentic notes in the entire short. I curse you, Author!! Quoth Slocum: I'm gonna make you pay!! On a totally unrelated note, my dad went to Roosevelt!!
05/18/2004 Mr. Pony (1): Haaai-YAH!!
05/18/2004 qualcomm: snow: are you out of your vulcan mind?
05/18/2004 Ewan Snow: So, Pony, by indicating that this was written in Hawaii, you've narrowed it down to Magnum, Higgins, TC, or Rick. Or are you trying to imply this may have been written by the celbrated millionaire author Robin Masters himself?
05/18/2004 Ewan Snow: Lerpa, I was just joking. I know there is no way in hell you wrote this. It does sort of look like your writing, though. In any case, Pony just said it was probably written by Robin Masters.
05/18/2004 qualcomm: actually, it's Hawai'i
05/18/2004 anonymous: It was an experiment. Sheesh. For some reason I thought it was funny and horrific at the same time, and to be fair, it was "found" in garbage of an establishment I frequent. I've been wanting to do something akin to a "true story short" for a bit now, and I thought this might be interesting. I do also realize that chances were taken on what to omit, explain, and censor. Pony: No wonder your dad is so powerful!!
05/18/2004 Ewan Snow: So you're saying Pony's dad is Robin masters? Now I'm confused.
05/18/2004 scoop: Robin Masters=Higgins. Higgins=Robin MAsters. You All=Ass Holes. Ass Holes=You All. scoop=rugged individualist...
05/18/2004 scoop: Pony's Dad is famous for being one of the most powerful greeters on the island. His method of placing leis on tourists is still studied at Acadmey. It is known to haoles as the "Papa Pony Manuver." To locals its referred to as the "Wehi Lani e hele mai ana au mahalo nui loa na ho'olaule'a me la kaua hau`oli la o na makuahine aloha `oe A`ole pilikia."
05/18/2004 Jon Matza: "To be fair"?
05/18/2004 anonymous: Hey, fair is fair.
05/18/2004 Jon Matza: You're so right. Thanks for being "fair" with us by admitting where you found the note. That took a lot of courage!
05/18/2004 anonymous: I never said fair is brave. I said fair is fair.
05/18/2004 Jon Matza: Gee, I guess I couldn't pin you down there, you were too quick! Meanwhile, I think I figured out what you meant by "to be fair"--it was an admission that the note wasn't authentically pure in the hierarchy of 'found' objects becuase it was found not on the street but in the trash. If this is right it strikes me as an odd distinction to making in the first place & still odder that you refused to clarify when asked. If your goal was to puzzle me you have scored a triumphant victory!
05/18/2004 annebot (2): I like sketches and things that are sketchy.
05/19/2004 John Slocum: Wow! What an amazing thing to say, Annebot!
05/19/2004 TheBuyer: You'd love my brother, he's so sketchy he had his driver's permit revoked! Me talk pretty someday...
05/19/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Damn, I knew I should have made it my goal to puzzle Jon Matza. Sorry about this one, everybody. I will try harder to be funny.
05/19/2004 anonymous: Ferucio may want to submit his text to the magazine described here.
05/19/2004 qualcomm: WHY ARE YOU ANONYMOUS??! GRRAAARRRR!
05/19/2004 anonymous: 2=2=4. it's raining. books are nice. a good meal is wonderful.
05/20/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Ah! The New Republic!! I'd never submit to th-oh, I guess you mean the Found magazine. Thanks for the suggestion. I think I have a much better place for this short to go...
05/20/2004 Mr. Pony: DOOM!
11/13/2004 Litcube: During the three day span in which these comments were submitted, all of you were thunderously booming gigantic assholes, lumbering towards high density residential areas, arbitrarily belching olive green clouds of assholishness to whatever hu-man you could spot from the vantage of your towering asshole torsos.
11/13/2004 qualcomm: what, you think this deserves a good rating, cube?
11/13/2004 Litcube: No. Not at all, Qualcomm. I'm not talking about the rating. The votes are irrelevant. I was referring to everyone's sudden lycanthropic-like transformation into enormous asshole monsters of ass destruction for three days. That's all.
11/14/2004 scoop: Ah, good times good times. Those were the salad days.
11/14/2004 Jon Matza: My apologies to ferucio. Any more lobotomized maniac monkey comics in the works?
11/14/2004 qualcomm: hm, i still have no idea what you're talking about.