New to AcmeShorts? Take the Tour
Site Content Warning
DAILY ARCHIVE
INSTANT SHORTS
SUBMIT A GUEST SHORT
AUTHORS / STATS
PENDING SHORTS (0)
GLOSSARY
TIMELINE
LATEST CONTROVERSY
SEARCHING FOR ACME
USER FEEDBACK
TOURNAMENTS
LETTERS
CONTACT ACME
ABOUT ACME
ACME LUSTRE STORE
BETVITE.COM
Page Views: 15709025
Users Online: 0 © 2012 AcmeShorts Updated: 8/29/2005
Current Quarter: Q4FY12
Total Shorts: 3,630
|
Fresh Short - Friday 4/23/2004  CLICK HERE TO VIEW FULL SHORT Author: Jon Matza
Avg. Rating: 4.36 (14 votes received) Word Count: 90 Submitted: 4/20/2004 7:31:53 PM Controversy Picks: 0User Feedback:(+ Add Comment) 1/28/2011 3:33:01 PM - qualcomm: This short was submitted to Acme on Hitler's birthday. 9/19/2008 12:06:08 PM - qualcomm: (no comment) 8/16/2007 12:50:17 PM - Lungclops: matza, in the first panel, am i to understand that fence guy is doing some sort of "wild and crazy guy" body language? (stomach foot here.) 8/16/2007 12:43:57 PM - Lungclops: urregh! 8/16/2007 12:38:25 PM - Lungclops: klassic 6/1/2006 11:19:48 PM - Will Disney (    ): (no comment) 6/16/2004 1:06:34 AM - John Slocum: Does that mean Mr. Coffee blew it also? 6/15/2004 6:47:44 PM - scoop: I totally blew it on this one. Sorry, Matza. 4/28/2004 7:31:18 PM - Not Lisa (    ): I think this guy is my neighbor. 4/26/2004 6:56:37 PM - Ferucio P. Chhretan: always give the middle finger as hard as you can. There's no room for soft middle fingers! 4/26/2004 3:08:29 PM - Tiddlycove: Point taken, Ferucio. Thanks. 4/25/2004 12:13:04 PM - Mr. Pony: I've taken to giving the two-fisted multi-level middle fingers. As hard as I can. 4/25/2004 12:02:28 PM - John Slocum: Everytime I look at this I see something new.
4/25/2004 8:26:20 AM - Ferucio P. Chhretan: Tiddlycove, it seems you've never been to an art critique. Comparatively speaking, this would have been the first five minutes of an hour long discussion. 4/25/2004 3:22:00 AM - Tiddlycove: The fact that there is any sentiment at all to find more humour in this than has already been found astonishes me. Can I reduce my score to 2 stars? 4/25/2004 1:01:18 AM - John Slocum: Look at the eyes - there's a totally different expression there. It's amazing what Matza accomplished with very little. 4/25/2004 12:59:25 AM - John Slocum: I'm sorry, I'm still cracking up at that panel 2! 4/25/2004 12:35:47 AM - Craig Lewis (    ): "Fence Guy." 4/24/2004 3:11:18 PM - Ferucio P. Chhretan: Interesting arguement you are having there Mr. Pony.
I am interested in the Lerpa's notion of pictures=magic to the untrained drawer. I'm sure that must be how the cave artists survived getting their heads eaten at Tres Freres.
Whenever I am asked how I draw the way I do, I always say that its all practice. I'm sure you've said that to people, Pony? And then they inevitably say; "no! It magic." Mister Matza, I am glad that you did this short. It may not be my favorite piece by you, but it brings up some interesting points.
Seriously Pony and Matza, go out and get Angry Youth Comics by Johnny Ryan. You both may thank me. Or curse me, case being.
And for the record I think in sock puppets. 4/24/2004 12:32:42 PM - Tiddlycove (  ): (no comment) 4/24/2004 11:34:15 AM - Mr. Pony: The Lerpa and I were really just discussing that possibility. Here's what I think: With a very small number of moves, comic or graphic shorts can contain a level of exposition that would overload a textual short. Also, our mammalian readers respond, I think, to pictures (specifically of the human face, no matter how it's drawn) in such a way that they are infused with 'bonus meaning', either by the intent of the artist or otherwise. Not saying the pitchures is better--by the same token, A purely textual short can maintain a much higher level of control over the reader's impressions and emotions, and a skilled writer can evoke entire civilizations. A smart thing that the Lerpa brought up is that it's possible that some folks, at least subconsciously, see anything they can't do as some sort of magic. Most people can type, but not everyone can draw. Not that typing gets you even halfway to writing, but I think the drift is clear. The Lerpa, chime in if I've got that wrong. Anyway, now that we all know about this phenomenon, we can all avoid its pitfalls. Hooray! Fun things to think about. And Ferucio, you know I'm pretty much only reading Spider-Man. And any old Batgirl stuff I can get my hands on. Mmm. This short gets funnier every time I read it! 4/24/2004 6:00:23 AM - Ferucio P. Chhretan (  ): Mr. Matza,
If you arent aware of, or if Mr. Pony hasn't shown you Angry Youth Comics by Johnny Ryan, I suggest you go get yourself a copy. You may find solace in that kindred spirit.
Mr. Pony, do you really think the graphic shorts are getting higher ratings than usual? I think the ratings seem pretty on par with everything else. They're either a huge surge of good with a few bad, or the reverse. Occaisionally a mediocre set.
But I'm still new here, so what do I know. 4/23/2004 8:47:25 PM - John Slocum: Who hasn't seen this author stupid-drunk dancing on a wall saying EXACTLY LETTER FOR LETTER what Mr. Potato Head says in panel 2. 4/23/2004 8:44:46 PM - qualcomm: yeah, slocum, that's what i been saying all day: panel 2, panel 2. 4/23/2004 8:40:44 PM - John Slocum: I can't stop laughing at that panel 2. I swear it's autobiographical, that panel at least. 4/23/2004 8:35:40 PM - John Slocum (    ): The truly priceless panel, in my opinion, is panel 2. Bless the soul that put in the effort to create this. 4/23/2004 8:22:02 PM - Dylan Danko (    ): This is so Viz that it must be Matza. Glorious! 4/23/2004 6:15:18 PM - mr.coffee ( ): Scoop I'm with you. What the fuck was the point of that? Which motherfucker wrote this turd? 4/23/2004 5:48:49 PM - Benny Maniacs: I think in pictures, and frankly I don't appreciate the Lerpa using the word "retardish" in that way. Both of my parents are retardish. 4/23/2004 5:35:09 PM - Mr. Pony: Wait, does everyone here think in spoken text? Do you hear it at regular talking speeds? How do you decide what words to use? 4/23/2004 5:32:44 PM - Mr. Pony: That sounds so slow! How do you get anything done? 4/23/2004 5:30:33 PM - qualcomm: more accurately, they think in spoken text, like a book on tape read by william shatner, say, or speech. 4/23/2004 5:29:18 PM - qualcomm: no, we addressed it. i told you that most humans do think in text, which is why people who don't learn language early in life are permanently retardish. 4/23/2004 5:25:41 PM - Mr. Pony: And still we haven't addressed that strangest of consequences of this particular point of yours; the idea that you think in text. 4/23/2004 5:21:27 PM - qualcomm: Pony, there's no way that's what you were thinking, because those thoughts cannot be expressed in pictures. 4/23/2004 5:19:57 PM - Mr. Pony (    ): And so. 4/23/2004 5:18:42 PM - Mr. Pony: My comment had more to do with the phenomenon of graphical and otherwise super-textual shorts getting higher ratings than usual because of their nature and not their content. The Lerpa's comment is, quite frankly, disturbing, since he and I were talking about this phenomenon on the telephone just last night. In fact, he is the only one I really expected to get what I was talking about. Too bad! I actually think that this short is one of very few on the site where truly mindless vulgarity really works. 4/23/2004 5:15:46 PM - Benny Maniacs (    ): You guys aren't gonna believe this, but I actually found myself jerking off to this wanker! 4/23/2004 5:09:00 PM - From Author: Nope. No larger point here. 4/23/2004 4:57:09 PM - qualcomm: Pony (with whose brain I am intimately familiar) thinks you were scoring a point against the mindless vulgarity displayed in much of the Acme oeuvre. 4/23/2004 4:54:01 PM - From Author: Not sure how to interpret Pony's comment, unless he's saying he suspects this is a reaction against good technique. If so, I had no such intentions, scout's honor. 4/23/2004 4:07:30 PM - scoop (  ): (no comment) 4/23/2004 3:56:48 PM - Ewan Snow (    ): He seems like a really nice guy. 4/23/2004 3:43:38 PM - TheBuyer (    ): WANKER! My fave so far. 4/23/2004 3:24:30 PM - Mr. Pony: Is it possible that someone's trying to make a point here? 4/23/2004 3:18:29 PM - qualcomm (    ): this guy is so righteous Mail this to a friend!
Fresh Short - Friday 5/16/2003"Whoa, TMI," said Candi Ascot, a doctor of acronymics with a severe underbite. Author: qualcomm
Avg. Rating: 4.33 (6 votes received) Word Count: 14 Submitted: 5/16/2003 12:04:11 PM Controversy Picks: 0User Feedback:(+ Add Comment) 9/25/2004 7:11:15 PM - TheBuyer (    ): WTIRG! 9/25/2004 5:43:33 PM - Litcube (    ): Yeah! 2/19/2004 5:56:15 PM - Texxx: Oh. I think I get it. 2/19/2004 5:54:56 PM - Texxx: Can someone explain this one to me? 2/19/2004 5:53:25 PM - Mr. Pony: I had noticed that. That happens a lot, apparently. 2/19/2004 5:44:46 PM - qualcomm: some cunt torpedoed this one. 2/19/2004 5:40:33 PM - Mr. Pony (    ): I think most shorts could be this short. 12/16/2003 11:47:39 PM - Phony Millions: Still love this one! 6/8/2003 2:08:42 AM - Phony Millions (    ): the underbite drove it home for me. bravo. 5/16/2003 3:49:56 PM - Ewan Snow (    ): Extra points for brevity, the ass of wit IMHO 5/16/2003 12:04:11 PM - anon_user_a ( ): (no comment) Mail this to a friend!
Fresh Short - Monday 8/8/2011“Walking out on another big showdown, Johnny Crisco?”
Johnny Disco froze in his tracks. All eyes were on him at the Sunrise Highway Bowling & Dance Emporium. His face registered nothing, but his fingernails dug into the extra-large Orange Julius as he struggled to master his emotions.
Lifting his free hand to his ear and feigning a confused expression, he said, “What, mom?”
Only then did he turn to face his interlocutor. “Oh, it’s you! Your high-pitched voice made me think it was a woman. Jordaches too tight, Reggie… Trash?”
Reggie Flash’s ears turned redder than his ruby medallion. Disco pressed his advantage.
“Anyway, Trash, how we gonna compete? Everyone knows I aint tap danced since the oil embargo.”
“Yeah, I heard that line before, Crisco—when you chickened out of the Lightning Round last Friday at Corvette’s! Where'd you go, anyway? Home to find out "who killed J.R.?"”
"No. Out to the parking lot to "give your sister my herpes.""
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK, TURKEY!” Flash exploded, slapping Disco's beverage to the floor.
Flash’s boys were too fast. Before Disco could grab his lapels, Fat Danny stepped in front of his leader and presented an impenetrable wall of electric blue satin.
"Why don't you tell Wilt Chambermaid here to take a hike, Trash?! Then you and me can go round and round."
“Whoa,” Reggie sneered. “Someone dust your coke supply, or did I just rattle the great Johnny Crisco?”
Disco regained his composure and straightened his vest. He called out to the DJ.
"Mr. Clean—light up the floor!"
He let the enormity of the moment sink in before adding, "And spin some KC."
Reggie snickered. “You just signed your last dance card, foosball. By the time I get done with you, you’re gonna wish you was an Iran hostage.”
[Dance montage.]
“You ain’t heard the last of this, Crisco! Word travels fast on the soul circuit! Every boogie baby, rug cutter, and freaky-deaky funk doctor in town’s gonna be grooving for your title!”
“Good,” Disco said, pumping his hips, “Because that’s the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it!” Author: qualcomm
Avg. Rating: 4.29 (7 votes received) Word Count: 348 Submitted: 8/7/2011 5:11:03 PM Controversy Picks: 0User Feedback:(+ Add Comment) 11/27/2011 9:44:52 PM - Litcube (    ): (no comment) 8/13/2011 11:37:30 PM - Ewan Snow (   ): This is a quality short. 8/12/2011 3:12:56 PM - Dylan Danko: Extra half star for Corvette's 8/12/2011 12:20:32 AM - TheBuyer (   ): save acme much? 8/10/2011 3:55:00 PM - Jon Matza (    ): Yuh. 8/9/2011 5:28:51 PM - Will Disney (   ): (no comment) 8/8/2011 1:08:26 PM - Dylan Danko (   ): (no comment) 8/8/2011 11:09:01 AM - Dylan Danko: This better not star John Heder and Will Ferrell. 8/8/2011 10:55:59 AM - Jimson S. Sorghum: And that last line, acourse. 8/8/2011 10:55:09 AM - Jimson S. Sorghum (    ): Impenetrable wall of blue satin. Mail this to a friend!
Top Rated Shorts:1. Penny Pulaski - published 3/18/2004 by qualcomm - Avg. Rating 2. Slopcloth - published 3/1/2004 by Phony Millions - Avg. Rating 3. Be warned, ladies—I’m like a pit bull when it comes to pussy. - published 10/27/2004 by Jon Matza - Avg. Rating 4. I've just trained my gigantic boner ray on the city of Poopopolis - published 4/24/2002 by qualcomm - Avg. Rating 5. Grand Unified Theory - published 11/8/2004 by qualcomm - Avg. Rating
|