Acme Shorts is the funniest site on the Internet since the editorial staff of The Onion became infected with women. Here, we have a forged a new fiction: a fiction for the common man, whom, paradoxically, we detest and instinctively recoil from as we would a gigantic, disembodied mormel; a short fiction that his unfocused, relativistic mind can digest; a fiction of no more than 500 words. Man, what a jerk that common man is.
The exalted authors of Acme publish at least one Short per business day, often two. Registered users can then vote on the Short and make comments. This usually results in nasty arguments, hurt feelings and some measure of fun. Acme Shorts provides a safe environment for readers to brutally criticize writers.
Also, there's a Guest section, sort of a farm league, where less talented writers can post their crap to essentially the same site structure. And a Message Board!
There are a lot of other features we could tell you about too, but we're very lazy. If you'd like some more information, take our tour. You can also Contact Us with questions.
We understand that you have a choice when you use the Internet, and we thank you for reading Acme. Have a very nice day.
Got RSS? Pick up our 'feed' at:
http://acmeshorts.com/shorts/shortfeed.aspx
and
http://acmeshorts.com/shorts/messsageboardfeed.aspx
Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters; welcome to Acme.
On behalf of most of the Authors, I'd like to wish you the best, and hope you will find happiness, success, and some modicum of order and sense here in these halls. We're so glad that you've come and hope that you'll decide to read, comment, and maybe even post a short or two. It takes a great deal of courage to take that first step, and I hope you'll throw your hat into the ring with confidence; if you have something to say, I hope you'll say it. I welcome your new voice. It will be added to the diverse tapestry of ideas and thoughts that make up the fabric of our microcosm of humanity.
It will be a bumpy ride. At Acme, everything you do will be questioned, everything you say will be criticized. Acme is not for the thin of skin (except Dick Vomit) or the faint of heart (except qualcomm). In this robust community, expect to be picked apart and set on fire. Accept this. Rejoice in this. Here, in these halls, you will find, above all else, honesty. I have never known any of the Authors (and this applies to several of the Guest Authors as well) to ever give criticism that they did not honestly believe and were not willing to explain or defend. You will hear words that you will recognize as harsh, as mean, as vindictive.
Purge these simple definitions from your brain.
Not just your writing, but your ability to think and reason will be tested. Acme is a crucible that burns away the nonsense, a cleansing fire that will spread across the fields of your very mind and leave only ashes, and shiny, metallic lumps of something resembling Truth. Not actual Truth, which doesn't exist, but something close enough for our short mammal lives. At Acme, more than any other place, you will get exactly what you deserve.
So welcome, brothers and sisters. Stand and be welcomed.
Acme shorts sucks. Most of the authors are not very bright, and the guests are even stupider. I've found this site is best avoided, due to its poor quality. Thank you.
Weare wtriting stories for you.
You can read the stories and on the webpage make voting.
I can sing songs for you and guitar them also.
I sing a song now that you can hear from you speakers.
Don;'t sit too close to your computer or you will be rocked very hard by the song.
Ha. That would be funny.
it's not always easy, having written what is, for the short-short form, the equivalent of the king james bible, the epic poetry of homer and the complete works of shakespeare all rolled into one. i won't fight it anymore -- use it, my brainchildren, use my rich, expansive body of work, which informs your very thought-dreams like memories of pregnant spiders taken from tyrell's niece and implanted in rachael's artificial mind. use it, acme, take my limbs, for i am your giving tree (which shel silverstein ripped off from me), your mother, your sire... the very fucking soil from which you sprout. assholes.
and now, let us commence the acme shorts oblations, laving our hands in the clarified butter, the sanctified herbs (really just some oregano and celery salt) and the freshest, most wholesome water on earth: that which flows from the taps of every home in the west hartford township.
