ACMESHORTS - We Are The Internet

Welcome to the Acme Glossary. Please feel free to add any Acme-specific word definition that may be of use to new Acme readers.

Click here to add a new term.

"good guy" – stupid asshole

, no? – Once-common rhetorical sentence ending. Roughly translates to 'is this not so?'. Now discouraged due to overuse.

2000 – Number of Shorts as of today.

Acme Name – A first name consisting of a fifteen dollar non-name word (often completely irrelevant to the main thrust of your situation), combined with an anatomical or anatomical sounding reference prefixed or suffixed with a conventional name modifier (such as "Mc-" or "-son") as a last name.

AcmeShorts – The very site that you are looking it, right now. See the About Screen for more information.

Affirm/agree – A standalone response to a short (or topic of discussion) meaning, approximately, "I condone this"; invented by TheBuyer long before Dick Vomit ever thought of it.
Origin

an – Definite article intentionally misused (for comedic ends) before any noun or adjective beginning with an consonant.
origin

brother – A complex term of slightly ironic endearment utilized almost exclusively by Jon Matza, designed to maintain or suggest the maintenance of a fraternal sense of community, while simultaneously warning the recipient that the aforementioned fraternal sense of community is, in fact, an extremely fragile thing; supported only by the mutual adherence to the social and political rules of the community.

clove hitch – An effective knot for tying something to a stick. The easiest way to tie a clove hitch is to start with two overhand loops. Simply lay the first loop on top of the second loop and the knot is ready to slip over a post or other type of single ended stick. If you have to tie a clove hitch around a no-ended stick such as an installed closet dowel or drainpipe, pass the end around the stick twice, first over the standing part, then under. Perfect for sliding over posts or securing a line with a boat tied to one end to a dock or wharf.

Commander Cain – Headstrong Commander of the Battlestar Pegasus, Cain forced the hand of the Colonial Fleet into an attack on the Cylon Homeworld by destroying Cylon Fuel outposts after he had been ordered to capture them, necessitating a raid on the main stores of the enemy fleet. After the raid's success, the Pegasus covered the fleet's escape, holding off three Cylon Basestars as the Battlestar Galactica escorted the fleet to safety. The Battlestar Pegasus appeared to be destroyed in this operation, and all aboard are presumed lost, including Commander Cain. As a result of Cain's actions, the Colonial Fleet had more than sufficient fuel to quickly travel safely beyond Cylon territory.

Death Blossom – Describes a procedure in which maneuvering thrusters are used to put a ship into a wildly uncontrolled but stationary spin. The remainder of the ship's arsenal of missiles, torpedoes and ammunition are fired off in one continuous salvo. Often used as a last resort. Impossibly effective.

feelings – n/a

Former Attorney General Edwin Meese – Edwin Meese III (born December 2, 1931 in Oakland, California) served as the seventy-fifth Attorney General of the United States (1985 - 1988).

In 1953, Meese graduated from Yale University. He holds a law degree from the University of California, Berkeley. He worked as district attorney of Alameda County, California before joining Governor Ronald Reagan's staff in 1967. He served as legal affairs secretary from 1967-1968 and as executive assistant and chief of staff to Governor Reagan from 1969 through 1974.

From January 1975 to May 1976, he was vice president for administration of Rohr Industries in Chula Vista, California. He left Rohr to enter private law practice in San Diego County, California. He served as a professor of law at the University of San Diego from 1977 to 1981, and also was director of the Center for Criminal Justice Policy and Management.

Meese headed Ronald Reagan's transition effort following the 1980 election. During the presidential campaign, he served as chief of staff and senior issues adviser for the Reagan-Bush committee. After Reagan's election, he became counselor to the President, member of the President's Cabinet and the National Security Council from 1981 to 1985.

Meese became Attorney General in February 1985, holding this office until August, 1988. He was the subject of investigations by the United States Office of the Independent Counsel on two occasions. Neither of these investigations resulted in charges being presented to a grand jury.

FU – Short statement of contradiction/fuck you.
eg. scoop, no it isn't. FU.

Also used as a "period" as in "full stop". Not to be confused with the sloughing of the uterine wall which is discharged from the vagina in the form of blood.
eg. You are right FU

Graf – Paragraph abbr.
Var. graph.

Grolsch, guy? – A symbolic offer to buy someone a beer, usually in an attempt to end a heated argument in a draw in a manner that will not be perceived as submissive, or as a surrender. While the sentiment is often totally genuine, the use of the a moderately expensive beer often enjoyed by white members of upper middle class America imbues the gesture with a certain level of ironic distance, highlighting the gap between the user and the original gesture's more working class origins. This self-aggandizing technique is itself used somewhat ironically, at once emulating and mocking the loud claps on the back straight men give each other when they hug. Origin.

Jon Feldspar – Qualcomm's first identity.

Lerpa, The – Character created by qualcomm and officially illustrated by Mr. Pony. Changing his name from Jon Feldspar, The Lerpa became qualcomm's second identity. So wild was its success, The Lerpa appeared in five shorts by other authors (including the Pony illustration), as well as two guest shorts.

mom and dad – 1. used to describe Authors when they are having a heated discussion.
eg. mom and dad are fighting again

2. Ewan Snow and qualcomm

mulp – A distortion of the single-word sentence "Well." Infused with an "infuriating tone of self-satisfied, judicial finality" [qc]. Used for a time by the West Hartford contingent. Seems to have fallen into disuse.

Muppety – A derogatory adjective applied to Disney, comparing his lidless, amoral gaze and roomy neck to Jim Henson's beloved creations. Minted by qualcomm, 12/30/2004 11:09:41 AM.

Ol' Summer Sausage – Qualcomm's third identity, after The Lerpa. Not an alias. Never illustrated.

Pants – A series of comic strips by the guest author Litcube. They are known for their unique level of art and writing, and for the unusual level of discussion and controversy they generated.

Pants
Pants 2
Pants 3
pants4
pants5
pants6
pants7
pants8
pants10
Pants 11
Pants 13

pentultimate – comedic misuse of the word penultimate first used by Benny Maniacs here, then here.

qualcomm – qualcomm

Rainbow Bridge, The – Often abbreviated as "The Bridge". When a beloved pet dies, or is murdered, it is taken to a special place called The Rainbow Bridge where it awaits trial and summary judgement.

The Rainbow Bridge doesn't lead anywhere.

retard's dozen – 11 jokes in a short; a 3 star effort.
Coined by Ewan Snow in response to a qualcomm comment.
Origin and Only Instance

Stomach Foot – Qualcomm alias, subsequently illustrated by Litcube.

Wikipedia – Vanity site, Non-notable. Marked for Deletion.

you are a cunt – vag