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© 2010 AcmeShorts
Updated: 8/29/2005
Current Quarter: Q2FY11
Total Shorts: 3,190
Author profile: John Slocum Description: John Slocum likes wine
John Slocum's Personalized Author Rankings:
John Slocum's Personalized Guest Rankings (top 15 only, min. 3 votes):
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Freshest Short: Hey, kitty-cat - what would you do?
Author Preference for John Slocum:
Guest Preference for John Slocum (top 10 only, min 3 votes): Recent Message Board Posts from John Slocum: re: J-Dog's Derby Live Longshots and Der... Salut, mes amis! DISNEY!!!!!!!!!! DISNEY!!!!!!!!!! re: Not fer nuthin'...
Hey, kitty-cat - what would you do? - added 9/26/2005 12:09:46 PMRonald Hankpanker had trouble getting women to fuck him. - added 5/30/2005 2:50:43 AMHey, Jackie, I like your friend, Sonia. - added 4/23/2005 11:33:26 PMYou are sick - added 4/6/2005 12:28:37 PMAromas and Love Part IV - added 4/6/2005 12:26:52 PMWhat Ketchup Can Do To a Guy - added 4/2/2005 8:03:21 PMHer cunt was getting wetter and wetter with every sip. - added 3/16/2005 1:14:23 AMThere was only one way to describe Phineas Gage’s mood: irritable. - added 3/1/2005 2:45:29 AMThe life of Howard. - added 2/21/2005 12:31:17 PMTalk to Her Pussy. - added 2/16/2005 11:58:09 PMA palate's a crazy, mixed-up thing to base your life on - added 2/15/2005 11:47:08 AMA cure for cancer. - added 2/7/2005 3:42:19 AM"I think I'll telegraph the end of this short," said Roald Dahl fingering his turtle head as the magic elevator shot out of the ionoshphere like a turd into the giant, black maw of outer space - added 1/28/2005 12:12:42 PMFDR Fart - added 1/27/2005 12:33:52 PMI think we need to strategize the refrigerator better - added 1/2/2005 3:48:16 PMYoung, innocent blond pussy and rock-hard, long black cock - added 12/28/2004 11:12:15 AMAromas and Love Part III - added 12/12/2004 6:40:48 PMConversation between the sexes. - added 12/8/2004 12:54:18 AMRight then and there I made my decision. - added 12/7/2004 8:16:26 PM“Later, when I’m fucking you from behind, I’m going to stick my finger in your ass - added 9/29/2004 10:53:41 AMI am a writer but I suffer from severe jock-itch. - added 9/26/2004 10:55:46 PM“A man’s sense of self worth is intimately tied to his sense of control over the movements of his colon.” - added 9/13/2004 1:57:36 AMSommelier Feldman sidled up to the table of 4 young nubiles. "Can I help you with the wine list, ladies?" he said suavely.
- added 9/2/2004 11:17:02 AMMy pussy gets really wet at the drop of a pin and the juice runs outta my fuck-hole and down into my ass-crack - added 8/21/2004 2:50:46 PMThe seeds of my downfall were sown in January, 19XX - added 8/15/2004 10:41:17 PMI’ve never like your austere Loire Valley Chenin Blanc, and you can take your hands off my tits. In fact, it’s over between us…we’re through.”
- added 8/10/2004 2:26:52 AMTiger Yitzakh (named after his uncle, Tiger Sedgwick - his mother’s brother), a cunt to a man, rolled a first class bone on the coffee table, lit it up and toked that shit - added 7/23/2004 3:14:35 AMI was growing more and more disgusted with the way everyone was ordering their latte - added 7/18/2004 4:46:05 PMJiggily wiggily bungily wungily higgledy piggledy strangely kapoongally - added 7/15/2004 2:12:43 AMI had sacrificed and eaten Reggie, my girlfriend's 2 year old - added 7/11/2004 11:28:49 PMI had an obstreperous booger in the back right corner of my left nostril - added 7/3/2004 12:38:23 PM“I think it’s the Friedl-Crafts Alkylation you’re after - added 7/3/2004“I’m sorry I went into your behind - added 6/23/2004 2:32:13 AMThe wine tasted like violence towards women - added 6/17/2004 12:10:11 AM“All great wines are tense.”
- added 6/10/2004 1:43:40 AMI had a great glass of 2000 Vallone Brindisi Rosso Riserva at the bar at Lippa. - added 5/31/2004 9:22:40 PMPfineous caught a mouse tonight! - added 5/31/2004 12:01:39 AMI had been lubricating with iodine-125 and I think my wife’s vagina was degrading. - added 5/10/2004 10:01:02 AMIt was April and the ramps, fresh from the Farmer’s Market, were pungent as they warmed atop a mountain of scrambled pheasant eggs, pheasant sausage, shiitakes and grated local cheddar. - added 4/28/2004 10:10:05 AMObligatory Shite Short XII - added 4/23/2004 11:56:46 AM“It would be nice if, every now and then, one of you would massage my balls,” said Father Xaverus... - added 4/16/2004 12:58:37 AMTired…tired…so very tired. - added 4/11/2004 1:54:25 AMWendell Buttress backed up 3 steps and prepared to take the corner kick. - added 4/5/2004 11:08:24 PM“This is no longer just about German wines, is it?” asked Smith. - added 4/1/2004 1:55:05 AMSnowy, tongue hanging out and panting, looked at Tintin lying face down on the floor. - added 3/31/2004 1:16:33 AMThe Fabulous Tale of Matza: He Can Only Say ‘You Cunt’ - added 3/26/2004 10:24:33 AM“Tais-toi avant que je te bats à la figure avec mon bâton!” - added 3/25/2004 9:14:21 PMAromas and Love Part II - added 3/23/2004 9:59:48 PMAromas and Love Part I - added 3/23/2004 9:33:42 PMHypocycloid - added 3/18/2004 10:44:28 AMEach of us has more than one sphincter. - added 3/10/2004 2:19:58 PM“Tell me again how tannins affect the tongue,” asked Sheryl. - added 3/8/2004 11:29:03 PM“Fonterelli puts merlot in his Barolo,” - added 3/5/2004 12:08:38 AMSo you go into a restaurant, one of New York City’s finest, everyone wants to eat there, and you want to order a bottle of wine. - added 2/28/2004 3:47:20 PMI have received your critique of ‘The Return of the King’ and would like to respond. - added 2/23/2004 11:17:35 PMMcWilliamsburg - added 2/15/2004 7:59:14 PM
