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© 2010 AcmeShorts
Updated: 8/29/2005
Current Quarter: Q2FY11
Total Shorts: 3,190
Author profile: scoop Description: scoop is a journalist
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Freshest Short: Barriers Against the Encroaching Spirit of Power
Author Preference for scoop:
Guest Preference for scoop (top 10 only, min 3 votes): Recent Message Board Posts from scoop: This should settle everything re: Do you guys like shorts? But what about 3013? Cool New Website! re: Acme Podcast
Barriers Against the Encroaching Spirit of Power - added 11/3/2009 1:12:21 AMSometimes my pussy gets so fucking wet. - added 10/2/2007 8:18:17 PMHere’s the thing about monsters that most people don’t know. - added 8/26/2007 6:47:34 PMYou are scared.
- added 1/29/2007 7:53:59 PMDisgruntled Customer Guy - added 10/3/2006 2:27:24 PM"The Last Short Ever." - added 7/13/2006 2:03:01 PMGod Of Our Fucking Universe (GOOFU) peaked his head around the line that spread out before him like a really, really long thing that you can’t see the end of. - added 6/2/2006 9:59:35 AMA Completely Legitimate Cry for Help - added 2/6/2006 12:23:59 PMThe Cave - added 2/2/2006 11:53:57 PMYes, I am going to kill you, but it’s not what you think. - added 2/2/2006 3:15:25 PMThey were all there to hear one man. - added 2/1/2006 4:53:47 PMThe Balloon Man - added 1/10/2006 1:47:11 AMSomething Else. - added 1/8/2006 12:15:28 PMThe Book of Rob - added 1/8/2006 12:15:28 PMAt first I thought I was being paranoid. - added 12/16/2005 3:11:21 PMHandsome Frederyk Weisensteinowitz skipped jauntily toward his new future, each stride more optimistic than the last. - added 12/9/2005 11:38:04 AMMy deformed son is a real ass hole.
- added 12/7/2005 9:46:23 AMHello ladies and germs... - added 8/19/2005 5:26:38 PMNot quite the Viper. - added 8/9/2005 6:16:31 PMKnute's not all bad. - added 7/10/2005 3:08:24 PMPoor, poor Mumfrey - added 6/29/2005 10:33:47 AMOHHHHHHH baby... - added 6/26/2005 11:52:01 PMYou are not a winner. - added 6/19/2005 9:24:39 PM“This,” Dave whispered, pausing with a showman’s instincts, “is where the magic happens.” - added 6/12/2005 8:40:59 PMWhat was left of Johnny... - added 5/26/2005 11:25:02 AMVicks - added 3/17/2005 10:43:25 AMFood supplies were running dangerously low. - added 3/16/2005 11:26:02 AMUnfucked. - added 2/27/2005 11:44:31 AMThe Old Neighborhood. - added 2/26/2005 3:05:46 AMDan and Rajnahish: A Ventriloquist's Story - added 2/18/2005 12:05:58 PMDefau Winston III stared at his reflection in the lens of the government video camera... - added 1/30/2005 5:31:10 PMThe three cerulean moons of Morktond lurched inexorably toward each other... - added 1/23/2005 10:22:11 PMGroucho finds out he is dying. - added 1/16/2005 1:28:17 AMThe Old Timer - added 1/2/2005 11:46:30 PM"Good point." - added 12/26/2004 3:47:26 PMDictation. - added 12/19/2004 11:45:33 PMFuck. - added 12/11/2004 2:43:46 AMProtopatrio-sexual fucking ritual test #127A - added 12/3/2004 8:08:57 PMCaptain, I can't get high off this mermaid! - added 11/26/2004 10:54:01 PMMeatpacking requires Meatpackers - added 11/8/2004 3:34:08 PMWORST SHORT EVER! - added 11/7/2004 12:49:55 AM“Mommy! Daddy! There’s a monster under my bed!" - added 10/31/2004 1:49:54 PMElection Day Special! - added 10/25/2004 8:34:37 AMIt was an overcast Monday fall morning when I realized my wife was in league with the mites… - added 10/20/2004 1:40:00 PMPost-Traumatic Fever Dreams - added 10/8/2004 11:57:03 PMCitizen ZDK-2756 reached in to the glove compartment of his Saudi powered flying car and handed his North American Federation government issued ID to the Sony designed cop. - added 9/30/2004 2:22:29 AMThe third wish god damn it. - added 9/26/2004 11:02:38 PMMerlin the Magnificent’s black cape billowed as he strode in the center of Arthur’s bazaar to find out what was the cause of the kerfuffle. - added 9/17/2004 3:35:27 AMThe oak tree was young so its bark yielded easily beneath the thick, sharp blade of Frankie’s buck knife. - added 9/14/2004 2:45:21 PMA short involving several compelling facets of Vincent Gallo. - added 9/11/2004Tad wiped the top of the bar at the Regal Beagle, absently dipping his rag in to the sink filled with tepid water and a few squirts of lemon-lime scented Palmolive. - added 9/10/2004 5:20:35 PMSpecial Commemorative September 11th Edition - added 9/9/2004 1:30:04 AM“You have cooties, you have cooties! ” - added 8/25/2004 12:04:25 AMA voice I never heard before and probably never will hear again rescued me last week while I was taking a dump in the last stall of the bathroom where I work.
- added 8/24/2004 11:35:09 PMSergeant!
- added 8/10/2004 12:59:55 AMAside from some nagging technical glitches, Werner Beefcock had been pleasantly surprised with the electrical collar he purchased for his wife. - added 7/31/2004 3:13:13 AMThe Journey! - added 7/29/2004 1:11:15 AMAn Election Year - added 7/23/2004 2:00:05 PMI grow weary of the current discounts available to me, to us, on several items at local shops and outlets. - added 7/21/2004 1:56:41 AM“Duuude, Iiiiiimmmmm goooinnnnnggggg to graaaabb anotttthhhher beeeeeeeerrrrrr, oooooookayyyyyyy?” It was that freaking ghost again, and surprise-surprise, he wanted another freaking beer. My beer.
- added 7/19/2004 9:22:33 AM“Get in there,” he growled, jabbing the angel in the soft spot where the wings meet near the small of the back... - added 7/5/2004 9:09:38 AM
The inventor’s latest attempt to build an indestructible woman ended with mixed results. - added 6/30/2004What is it. - added 6/26/2004 6:55:19 PMHave you stopped to consider genocide on the odors that contaminate the purity of your air? - added 6/22/2004 1:20:17 AMPoor One Armed Pete - added 6/19/2004 12:49:50 AMLife, or something like it, had been stalking the Pederast lately and tonight it would finaly catch up with him. - added 6/19/2004 12:40:48 AMA Happy Story - added 6/3/2004 11:17:08 PMThe baby scurried for cover with the urgency of a cockroach when the kitchen light is flicked on.
- added 5/19/2004 5:55:13 PMMa, Ma! - added 5/18/2004 10:06:43 AMAll right, what’s the situation?
- added 5/4/2004 12:40:09 AMTobias let the letter flutter to the floor... - added 4/26/2004 2:46:57 PMThe muscles in the little volunteer’s lithe arms flexed against the taut leather straps... - added 4/16/2004 2:21:32 PMThis morning, ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, I give you all, pure and uncut... - added 4/13/2004 12:33:18 PMTale of Two Jacks. - added 4/11/2004 1:12:50 PMFort Danny - added 4/9/2004 12:31:03 AMAndy Anderson knew that with great power comes great responsibility. - added 4/5/2004 10:31:53 PMHenry Smith awoke shivering in a cage to Mozart’s Serenade No. 13 in G major with the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth and the dream-image of a girl he had never met fading from his memory. - added 3/26/2004 3:22:26 PMLove is a lifelong quarrel with God, but we always make up in the end.
Professionally attired, voice buttered, playlist sculpted, Bob “The Bobber” Buckman, Central Pennsylvania’s premiere reception/events DJ, was in the zone. - added 3/21/2004 1:19:27 PMDr. Phillips would have reacted... - added 3/15/2004 12:20:22 PMThe Portentous Clan of the Homunculi - added 3/13/2004 7:11:36 PM“How much you think she’ll run me, buddy? 25? 50?” - added 3/12/2004 3:19:31 AM“But I feel happy,” Cindy beamed smiling ear to ear. - added 3/7/2004 12:24:18 PMRick could only have meaningful conversations while he was defecating... - added 3/5/2004 1:34:18 PMPaddy wagons crammed with half-naked confused men, women and children idled at the intersection. - added 3/4/2004 7:38:19 PMThis is a story about how Mandy validated Mindy.
- added 3/3/2004 10:39:52 AMOn his application, under the header delineated for NAME:, was a picture of a man drawing a picture. - added 2/26/2004 1:30:02 PMSenator, how would you respond to your critics.... - added 2/20/2004 7:58:39 PM“Daddy, can you read me a story?”
- added 2/15/2004 11:48:07 AMThe bills were stacking up. Money was tight. There was no hope in sight but for HUMINSORC -- - added 2/13/2004 5:51:34 PMReckon The Stranger rode in to town at just the right time. - added 2/7/2004 3:59:52 PMThe yolks of the children’s eyes ran into sticky pools on their tiny desks... - added 2/3/2004 10:18:12 PM“You have to write what you KNOW!” - added 2/1/2004 9:15:46 PM“Where ya’ going,” the cabbie barked through an unlit stogie he gnawed in his chops. - added 1/24/2004 12:35:54 AMChecksy walked in to my office. - added 1/21/2004 10:39:10 AMCaptain Kangaroo eyed his erection... - added 1/21/2004 10:35:07 AM“I’m going to roll my trouser legs down... - added 1/18/2004 1:53:43 PMThe pederast was washing his hands when it hit him... - added 1/13/2004 2:51:54 PMThe science officer wanted more out of life than the truth – he wanted a piece of ass. Space Ass. - added 1/9/2004 11:50:44 AM“Don’t go there.” - added 1/9/2004 11:30:15 AMThe documentary filmmaker had been wrestling with the pitfalls of his trade for most of his career and he was no closer to a solution. - added 12/30/2003 5:46:55 PMMorning had always been the computer programmers’ favorite time to be in the office. - added 12/30/2003 12:42:27 AMLets talk about our feelings. - added 12/30/2003 12:40:08 AM“Dude, I’d leave a message in the suggestion box to install a suggestion box. That is – IF we had a suggestion box.”
- added 12/30/2003 12:26:41 AM"Puddle of Mud." - added 12/30/2003 12:07:01 AMR.O.B.E.R.T the Robot journalist stared at his blank computer screen... - added 7/1/2003 11:08:13 PMAs the crowd at the "Seventeenth Annual Rape Victims Catillion" really started to swell, the line at the bar began to grow. - added 7/1/2003 9:24:36 PMIt was Tuesday afternoon, and like clockwork Old Mrs. Robbins was returning home from her weekly trip to the grocery store. - added 5/26/2003 6:27:07 PMWhat with a power vacuum in post-war Iraq... - added 5/8/2003 10:55:47 PMThe bachelor gazed at the two bags of chips like a Don Juan staring at long-lost conquests. - added 5/8/2003 8:59:11 PM“I love you,” the woman said breathlessly. - added 5/5/2003 8:50:18 PM
