I tapped a Capri menthol ultralight 120 on my Maybelline Cherry Latte thumbnail, then lit it with my hot pink Classic Zippo. My Victoria's Secret Peek-a-Boo V-string thong was chafing my freshly waxed labia majora. And that was all that happened, or ever would, or could, or even be wished to occur.
*
On an entirely typical Tuesday, Cloture Semigloss put on his vestments and began the process of creating life from lifelessness, which he liked to call “fucking”. His wife, Motion, lay lifeless on the posturepedic while he ground away until she crossed her crisis – which she felt was an overblown term and thought of more as “her inconvenience” – at which point her id wandered out of her loins and she remembered why her marriage was one of convenience.
She picked up the silver mirror. Cloture watched her watching herself. He wondered how she saw herself. Was it self loathing and neuroses? Or was it vanity? Her poker face didn't hide her obsession, just its nature, its source, its details. But there was an unmistakable tension, an aggressive edge that he sometimes felt as an electric field in his gums, the aftertaste of fear-induced adrenalin shock.
“Well, how's it look?” he asked.
“Like a well-fucked pussy,” she said.
“Does it look pregnant?”
“Not yet.”
“Does it need another go?”
“Nah, it's probably good for now. Needs to, uh, germinate or something.”
“I'll go get the watering can.”
*
Catullus #63 – Acme Easy Reader Edition
Attis beached his boat in Phrygia, totally psyched to lop off his cock with this ceremonial obsidian blade he'd picked back in civilization. Man, Cybele would be so fucking thankful for this one. He'd be totally set. He pinched his glans between thumb and index, then with slow, hacking, excruciating jabs, he chopped of his manhood and let it fall to the ground, staining it with blood. He (now “she”) looked around to see if Cybele had shown up to thank her, but no such luck. Maybe I better dance around with a tamborine, that goddess loves that shit, she thought. So she danced around in an ecstatic fury, cockless, singing hymns in a high-pitched trance, beating the goat skin drum and bells which she'd thankfully remembered to pack.
Night fell and the dark wood encroached with lonely shadows. The cold and wild wasteland offered no comfort, no refuge. As the moon rose, she threw her emasculated body with ever more ecstatic fury toward the rites of Cybele.
“O-- only to gladden you, Cybele, and in hatred of Venus, have I done this to myseld, de-weinered and prostrate before your glory,” she cried.
But as the night wore on and Cybele gave no sign, Attis grew weary and began to doubt. She looked upon her scabby cock-stump and wept.
“What have I done to myself? How could I give so much to an ungrateful goddess? Alone and unprotected on this wild foreign shore, unsheltered and at the mercy of the wild beasts and ravages of weather, I chant the rites of Cybele to no effect, unheard. And what's worse, I cut my cock off! O-- I curse that goddess, I wish I had never done such a foolish thing!”
Well that got the goddess's attention. That bitch Cybele was not so impressed by another cock lopped off in her honor, but at the sound of its repudiation she grew furious.
And loosing the harness on her twin lions, she commanded, “Go, beasts! Lash your backs with your tails in furious chase. Make it so this girl who wishes she were still a man, who galls to retract her dedication, suffers sevenfold for her insolence. Dig your fearsome claws into her flesh and gnaw her bones to splinters.”
Advancing with roars and flashes of bristled manes in the moonlight, the beasts gave chase to the terrified girl, from the white foam of the shore into the darkness of the wild wood. And there she ran, a slave to that goddess, pursued and caught, mauled and toyed with by the relentless maws of her pitiless pride, released and chased again endlessly, for the rest of her life.
So anyway, Cybele, stay away from me. Make other guys chop their cocks off, chase others with your lions. Leave me out of it!
User Feedback:(+ Add Comment) 4/25/2010 11:12:56 AM - Marvin_Bernstein: Well you know. That's just the association I get from this short Master. I am all giddy with the idea and images of Fergie and queen Latifah smearing themselves in avon (or is it maybeline?) and getting all hot and bothered. That said: Man that Jessica. I like the part cow look she's got. Call her bessie and put on that bell. Moooo!
I am still suspicious part of this essay below was lifted from a readers digest a while back. I would like to see your references and I will have a disciplinary meeting with you later. 4/25/2010 11:12:52 AM - Marvin_Bernstein: Well you know. That's just the association I get from this short Master. I am all giddy with the idea and images of Fergie and queen Latifah smearing themselves in avon (or is it maybeline?) and getting all hot and bothered. That said: Man that Jessica. I like the part cow look she's got. Call her bessie and put on that bell. Moooo!
I am still suspicious part of this essay below was lifted from a readers digest a while back. I would like to see your references and I will have a disciplinary meeting with you later. 4/17/2010 3:58:22 AM - Master Bates (): I will agree that this is a keeper and a damn fine short, Snowman, and I am also distracticated by Jessica Simpson's anus as well, Marvin. Although that has nothing to do with the short, I think her popstar anus needs to be addressed. Seriously. 4/15/2010 7:57:16 PM - Marvin_Bernstein: oh that's erotica...good ol fashion erotic art my friend 4/14/2010 9:46:52 AM - Jon Matza (): Enjoyed all of these...Catullus one prtclrly Velamint. Cybele is based on "American Woman" by the Guess Who if I'm not mistaken. 3/26/2010 8:26:36 PM - Marvin_Bernstein (): Jessica simpson? I want her anus too 3/23/2010 8:14:42 PM - From Author: First of all, this short is still anonymous, so I have no idea what conversation you are referring to, as I'm probably not even the same person! Second -- and I'm speaking purely hypothetically -- if I did say that they were unrelated, I also qualified it with, "at least not intentionally." But your considerable powers of pop-psychology and literary sleuthing have bested my shallow lack of self-knowledge. The grouping of these three shorts, which I had assumed was random, is now all too garishly clear. The "freshly waxed labia" from the first short, the "well-fucked pussy" from the second short and the "scabby cock-stump" from the third are one and the same. Not that that proves anything anyway. 3/23/2010 1:25:37 PM - qualcomm: i thought you said these weren't tied together by a common theme. it's clear that you and jimson have decided to procreate again, and you feel emasculated by the process.
