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Shorts from qualcomm

  1. Instinctively, Jennings itched the fresh belly wound. by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  2. Mankind at last eradicated the stain of original sin. by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  3. The mayor of the decaying urban center fingered the fine gold chain… by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  4. The priceless Ming vase was broken. by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  5. Eminent Egyptologist Fitzhume Tweevil by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  6. I will always be the butcher's son by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  7. Jonny Droppings, a technical school dropout by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  8. "Do you like games," asked the ectomorph in the black turtleneck by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  9. "Let the Nuremberg trials begin," cried the small claims judge. by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  10. It was ever so difficult for Winslow, an exceedingly sensitive boy by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  11. Short #2 by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  12. "You've no right!" declared the indignant eighteenth century merchant. by qualcomm on December 30, 1899
  13. Halt, Jaerrold, halt! by qualcomm on May 13, 2001
  14. There are any number of distinguished explanations... by qualcomm on December 13, 2001
  15. Chuck Spasnowski, a warlock out of Queens, choked down some Sanka... by qualcomm on March 30, 2002
  16. Sean Connery pulled down his plaited gabardine trousers... by qualcomm on March 30, 2002
  17. Upjohn Dillforth wandered the loamy meadows... by qualcomm on March 30, 2002
  18. Pierre Emantal had harvested many fine pelts that season. by qualcomm on April 15, 2002
  19. ArtTron IV sipped from its plastic goblet of chilled chardonnay... by qualcomm on April 22, 2002
  20. I've just trained my gigantic by qualcomm on April 24, 2002
  21. You're not the captain of this tennis team yet, Cantrell! by qualcomm on April 24, 2002
  22. Brad Evans bounced baby Tellulah on his knee. by qualcomm on April 25, 2002
  23. Jack had been in the market for a new mattress for some time. by qualcomm on May 07, 2002
  24. Your hands stink of chives by qualcomm on May 15, 2002
  25. In the end, life is an endless contest between your ego and pain. by qualcomm on May 15, 2002
  26. Between the botched Powerpoint presentation and the strip club incident… by qualcomm on June 02, 2002
  27. Bill Knott, obscure American poet, wiped the sweat off his brow and looked at the digital display. by qualcomm on July 15, 2002
  28. Snow felt his blood boil. by qualcomm on July 24, 2002
  29. Tacking yarward, the Count of Monte Cristo drew up alongside the merchant vessel... by qualcomm on August 20, 2002
  30. Draped in cheap chamois, Chamberlain strolled behind the easels... by qualcomm on August 20, 2002
  31. Flat Jokes by qualcomm on August 20, 2002
  32. Esther Sweetbread by qualcomm on August 20, 2002
  33. Somewhere out in our television audience by qualcomm on August 20, 2002
  34. Spud Rogen by qualcomm on December 16, 2002
  35. Lance unscrewed the cap on the large tub of paste. by qualcomm on December 20, 2002
  36. Dylan dropped the two-by-fours to the ground. by qualcomm on February 04, 2003
  37. Saddam Hussein raised his rifle in the air with one hand... by qualcomm on February 23, 2003
  38. I sharpened the business end of my broadsword on the southeast corner of my bronze age dwelling... by qualcomm on February 24, 2003
  39. President Bush adjusted his posture and stepped up to the podium. by qualcomm on February 25, 2003
  40. My feelings about the pornographic PowerPoint presentation were twofold. by qualcomm on February 25, 2003
  41. There was only one thing more important to Professor Giles... by qualcomm on February 26, 2003
  42. Senator Gore Gravy (R – OR) adjusted his reading glasses and regarded the embossed card: by qualcomm on March 02, 2003
  43. Rector. by qualcomm on March 04, 2003
  44. William Faulkner downed the last of the bourbon by qualcomm on March 05, 2003
  45. OZ Fan Fiction by qualcomm on March 12, 2003
  46. “The Kid is scraping bottom,” Manfredi said to no one in particular. by qualcomm on March 14, 2003
  47. “I don’t care if everyone hates me, as long as they respect me,” said Kurdish Jerry by qualcomm on March 17, 2003
  48. “Sit on it, Potsie!” by qualcomm on March 27, 2003
  49. Dan Rather by qualcomm on April 07, 2003
  50. The Professor dug a fossil out of the dusty earth. by qualcomm on April 10, 2003
  51. It was Homecoming at Kaypee Middle School by qualcomm on April 15, 2003
  52. It's Easter Sunday, and as usual I’m ovulating. by qualcomm on April 21, 2003
  53. Your marcomm is ineffectual by qualcomm on April 22, 2003
  54. I cannot stand the stench of your lies. by qualcomm on May 05, 2003
  55. “I now call to disorder the 225th Annual Gala of the New York Society of Scatological Illuminati!” by qualcomm on May 06, 2003
  56. Time Out New York by qualcomm on May 11, 2003
  57. The Talosian by qualcomm on May 15, 2003
  58. "Whoa, TMI" by qualcomm on May 16, 2003
  59. Long, hard and full of seamen, the Los Angeles class submarine Nimitz sliced through the icy water... by qualcomm on June 04, 2003
  60. The Monolith had not always been here. by qualcomm on June 11, 2003
  61. The electromagnetic field surrounding the atoms that comprised Pantagruel’s fingertips by qualcomm on June 11, 2003
  62. Lonnie Isosceles peered into the mirror at the electric wound still suppurating on his forehead. by qualcomm on June 12, 2003
  63. “This isn’t a game, dammit! This is serious!” by qualcomm on June 12, 2003
  64. Overkill! by qualcomm on June 22, 2003
  65. Tubman sweated garlic juice off his fat fucking belly... by qualcomm on June 26, 2003
  66. Jeffords checked his monogrammed chronograph for the tenth time in an hour. by qualcomm on June 27, 2003
  67. The Delorean's door gulled open in a cold white cloud. by qualcomm on July 02, 2003
  68. Tino cranked the volume and floored it. by qualcomm on July 10, 2003
  69. I still think about my first by qualcomm on July 16, 2003
  70. Smitty came in and headed straight for the kegerator. by qualcomm on July 21, 2003
  71. Jack Sapien, Head of Central American Financial Risk Assessment at Kemper Peat Marwick Group, burst into the pup tent. by qualcomm on July 21, 2003
  72. That's right, baby, I got what you want by qualcomm on July 21, 2003
  73. Vader strode confidently into Operations. by qualcomm on August 04, 2003
  74. My feet were hot with sweat inside the vinyl feet of my one-piece jammies. by qualcomm on August 04, 2003
  75. The Clapp & Treat salesman rang up my “Ugly Stick” fishing rod. by qualcomm on August 04, 2003
  76. Say, I wonder what all those people at the water cooler are talking about... by qualcomm on August 07, 2003
  77. The Cherrybird’s body coiled up tight as he tracked the softball’s homeward arc. by qualcomm on August 08, 2003
  78. "I now channel every ounce of creative energy into my romantic relationships," Al Pacino replied in a salty baritone. by qualcomm on September 18, 2003
  79. Frank was hungry as beat all. by qualcomm on September 19, 2003
  80. Wally couldn't understand it. by qualcomm on October 02, 2003
  81. In certain indigenous Amazon tribes... by qualcomm on November 04, 2003
  82. Dear AcmeShorts.com by qualcomm on November 04, 2003
  83. The quantum physicist, an asshole, glued the final piece of cotton onto his doomsday device. by qualcomm on November 11, 2003
  84. Ever since his comedic masterstroke about krauts farting inside their panzers, PFC Blodgett became the most popular grunt in the platoon. by qualcomm on November 11, 2003
  85. kudos from the sun king by qualcomm on November 20, 2003
  86. Hey, it's great to be back in the Poconos by qualcomm on November 20, 2003
  87. The night was cold. by qualcomm on December 05, 2003
  88. “Sure, ‘twas our revered progenitor, Gallaghtrue Gonogle, who split the sacerdotal alder tree..." by qualcomm on December 07, 2003
  89. You get an “A” for effort, Bobby. by qualcomm on December 08, 2003
  90. A border town. by qualcomm on December 08, 2003
  91. No fucking way was Bad To The Bone a novelty song, Thorogood concluded in a bourbony haze. by qualcomm on December 18, 2003
  92. With great care... by qualcomm on December 19, 2003
  93. Vice Hubert Schneibling by qualcomm on December 24, 2003
  94. Somehow, the boiler room was even muggier than the August night. by qualcomm on December 30, 2003
  95. Corky slung his knapsack over one shoulder... by qualcomm on January 06, 2004
  96. ... by qualcomm on January 07, 2004
  97. "Hey, let's see who has... by qualcomm on January 08, 2004
  98. anon_user_a writes the dumbest feedback ever, and is roundly ridiculed by matza by qualcomm on January 16, 2004
  99. They were all... by qualcomm on January 16, 2004
  100. A Cancer Story by qualcomm on January 17, 2004
  101. Lumbering forth at dawn to the tiresome grind of hunting and gathering... by qualcomm on January 22, 2004
  102. Jeffrey and Eugenia by qualcomm on January 28, 2004
  103. Jibley by qualcomm on January 28, 2004
  104. "Don't infantilize me," Mitzi was always saying. by qualcomm on February 07, 2004
  105. And so it was with great reluctance... by qualcomm on February 12, 2004
  106. It was the state-mandated day of romance by qualcomm on February 13, 2004
  107. #1,000 by qualcomm on February 14, 2004
  108. A song of Slavic discord formed the coda to my spiralling descent. by qualcomm on February 14, 2004
  109. "Where's my cap?" by qualcomm on March 01, 2004
  110. The entirely fictional Dr. Pfeiffer by qualcomm on March 01, 2004
  111. by qualcomm on March 01, 2004
  112. One peanut butter and salt sandwich by qualcomm on March 13, 2004
  113. Penny Pulaski by qualcomm on March 14, 2004
  114. The Cynic by qualcomm on March 22, 2004
  115. by qualcomm on March 22, 2004
  116. Cindi? It’s Suzi. by qualcomm on March 30, 2004
  117. Times were tight. by qualcomm on April 20, 2004
  118. 500 grand? by qualcomm on April 26, 2004
  119. Boy, we sure have a lot of inertia by qualcomm on May 11, 2004
  120. Dr. Fineberg was having GI problems by qualcomm on May 20, 2004
  121. duh by qualcomm on May 28, 2004
  122. The wedding was the usual sort of thing. by qualcomm on May 28, 2004
  123. Hunting Owl by qualcomm on June 04, 2004
  124. by qualcomm on June 10, 2004
  125. Hollings by qualcomm on June 17, 2004
  126. There was nothing even remotely arousing in Nilda Cortes' handling of the device called a stopcock. by qualcomm on June 25, 2004
  127. The station wagon was dark green by qualcomm on June 29, 2004
  128. Sidney Poitier was very disappointed in you. by qualcomm on July 05, 2004
  129. You want to make something of it? by qualcomm on July 14, 2004
  130. The front door of Dr. Stanley Touche by qualcomm on July 16, 2004
  131. Sir: by qualcomm on July 22, 2004
  132. Countess Tatiana Rimski-Premikov lifted the billowing tulle gathers by qualcomm on July 26, 2004
  133. Good News by qualcomm on July 29, 2004
  134. Smelling of pickled herring by qualcomm on July 30, 2004
  135. PU by qualcomm on August 10, 2004
  136. Me! by qualcomm on August 11, 2004
  137. Henry liked to make wishes by qualcomm on August 13, 2004
  138. Kids today are incredibly media-savvy. by qualcomm on August 18, 2004
  139. Jake Kohler by qualcomm on August 19, 2004
  140. Rassman by qualcomm on August 20, 2004
  141. Her dimensions were useful by qualcomm on August 26, 2004
  142. Welcome, matriculants by qualcomm on August 26, 2004
  143. "Okay," by qualcomm on August 26, 2004
  144. Man, I had the weirdest dream last night. by qualcomm on August 30, 2004
  145. Sukilh and his three daughters lived outside of Jakarta near the landfill. by qualcomm on September 07, 2004
  146. Okay, here we are! by qualcomm on September 12, 2004
  147. You'd be surprised at the resources available to inmates of modern prisons. by qualcomm on September 23, 2004
  148. by qualcomm on September 26, 2004
  149. Kofi Annan absentmindedly fingered the burled walnut inlays on his Bentley's rear passenger control panel. by qualcomm on September 26, 2004
  150. I'm training for the marathon. by qualcomm on October 01, 2004
  151. I was out raking leaves when I heard a voice whisper my name. by qualcomm on October 04, 2004
  152. Janet held the home pregnancy test strip in her smelly urine stream and prayed. by qualcomm on October 06, 2004
  153. Top off that Rob Roy for you, Charles? by qualcomm on October 13, 2004
  154. Cry Havoc, and Let Slip the Wages of Intimacy by qualcomm on October 21, 2004
  155. Grand Unified Theory by qualcomm on November 01, 2004
  156. When I came back to my car and saw that orange paper on the windshield by qualcomm on November 18, 2004
  157. When ol' Jacob Truetree posted bills for his First Annual Raree and Exhibition of Fistic Science, most folks didn't expect the old codger himself to headline the card. by qualcomm on November 19, 2004
  158. I go through a heck of a lot... by qualcomm on November 30, 2004
  159. "And this is my insignificant other," I said, pushing Debbie forward. by qualcomm on December 02, 2004
  160. Motion raised to lick your cunt. by qualcomm on December 06, 2004
  161. Sooner or later they all fell. by qualcomm on December 13, 2004
  162. Non-alcoholic whiskey by qualcomm on December 21, 2004
  163. I.. I just... by qualcomm on January 04, 2005
  164. Swirling in the widening gyre, bland corruption mephiticized the mid-twentieth century American novel. by qualcomm on January 13, 2005
  165. I'd been tasked by qualcomm on January 14, 2005
  166. The elf's semen has healing properties. by qualcomm on January 15, 2005
  167. This short is not to be doubted. by qualcomm on January 19, 2005
  168. Mac by qualcomm on January 21, 2005
  169. by qualcomm on January 25, 2005
  170. Concorde 77 by qualcomm on January 30, 2005
  171. Funny how I became the bad guy by qualcomm on February 10, 2005
  172. President's Day by qualcomm on February 16, 2005
  173. James A. Michener's West Hartford by qualcomm on February 16, 2005
  174. Morontown by qualcomm on February 21, 2005
  175. The Best Boyfriend in the World by qualcomm on March 01, 2005
  176. I thought it would be safe by qualcomm on March 12, 2005
  177. The Dinner Party by qualcomm on March 14, 2005
  178. Where she at by qualcomm on April 01, 2005
  179. My bland expression belied the emotional turmoil by qualcomm on May 18, 2005
  180. I had the Belgian slut just where I wanted her by qualcomm on May 21, 2005
  181. Stomach Foot by qualcomm on June 09, 2005
  182. Ol' Summer Sausage by qualcomm on June 09, 2005
  183. Muppety by qualcomm on June 10, 2005
  184. Mr. Pony apotheosizes into a being of pure irony by qualcomm on June 13, 2005
  185. He bled out and became a body before the ambulance arrived. by qualcomm on June 16, 2005
  186. Sting by qualcomm on July 03, 2005
  187. My combo and I were really cookin by qualcomm on July 10, 2005
  188. Do you know how fast you were going by qualcomm on July 17, 2005
  189. There are things I have to do... by qualcomm on July 18, 2005
  190. Philip Jones pulled his mackintosh tight around his chest by qualcomm on July 18, 2005
  191. A particularly hard low and fast-moving cloud by qualcomm on July 18, 2005
  192. Critics are divided on Fellini’s 8 1/8 by qualcomm on July 18, 2005
  193. Your daughter's in love, Ms. Perez by qualcomm on July 24, 2005
  194. In olden times, you could make a major philosophic advance with no training whatsoever by qualcomm on July 26, 2005
  195. Grungy bars, church picnics, video dating services… by qualcomm on July 26, 2005
  196. When I left the life behind by qualcomm on August 03, 2005
  197. It being the height of summer by qualcomm on August 07, 2005
  198. The Golden Age by qualcomm on August 11, 2005
  199. Ladies and gentleman, distinguished colleagues by qualcomm on August 13, 2005
  200. Even Odds' breath misted under the sodium lights by qualcomm on August 15, 2005
  201. LIVESTRONG by qualcomm on August 26, 2005
  202. I work with machines. by qualcomm on September 06, 2005
  203. And lo, the centurion did doubt the King of Kings by qualcomm on September 17, 2005
  204. He was an expert in soft tissue cavities. by qualcomm on September 29, 2005
  205. For want of a nail, the kingdom blew A-Rod. by qualcomm on October 10, 2005
  206. Italian For Shitheads by qualcomm on October 25, 2005
  207. Mr. Harvey Breaks The Bank (A Mr. Harvey Adventure) by qualcomm on October 25, 2005
  208. It’s the same old bullshit. by qualcomm on November 07, 2005
  209. There's a lot more to being a pimp by qualcomm on November 16, 2005
  210. Jeanette was proud of Simon. by qualcomm on January 06, 2006
  211. Unbeknownst to them, an afterlife awaits all of the many pets who pass through my ownership. by qualcomm on January 07, 2006
  212. The Spirit of Seemingly Inconsequential, Yet Nonetheless Disastrous, Artistic Changes by qualcomm on January 09, 2006
  213. Everyone just cut the shit. by qualcomm on January 19, 2006
  214. Three openings to shorts that I just can't bring myself to finish. by qualcomm on January 26, 2006
  215. They say that life is like a block of marble by qualcomm on August 18, 2006
  216. This Guy Doesn't Have a Clue! by qualcomm on September 14, 2006
  217. Before the Baby Boom by qualcomm on September 21, 2006
  218. Cosmology by qualcomm on October 08, 2006
  219. Requiem for Korngold by qualcomm on November 24, 2006
  220. Symbiosis Man by qualcomm on January 17, 2007
  221. It's Martin Luther King Day by qualcomm on January 17, 2007
  222. My Cum by qualcomm on January 23, 2007
  223. Having taught Aubrey to swim... by qualcomm on May 15, 2007
  224. Good enough by qualcomm on May 25, 2007
  225. Danica Schroeder by qualcomm on June 06, 2007
  226. Good Help by qualcomm on August 20, 2007
  227. 5k by qualcomm on August 22, 2007
  228. The new guy by qualcomm on September 09, 2007
  229. Spock Mind Melds with a Thermostat by qualcomm on October 15, 2007
  230. What is free will? by qualcomm on October 18, 2007
  231. What is free will? by qualcomm on October 18, 2007
  232. Jennie's World by qualcomm on December 22, 2007
  233. Involuted Coagularium in Peach Cardboard and Tempura, #17 by qualcomm on December 26, 2007
  234. A New Translation, by P.U. Buttmeunster by qualcomm on January 07, 2008
  235. Science Tits by qualcomm on April 01, 2008
  236. The audio cassette hissed away on aJkrh's Nagra. by qualcomm on April 29, 2008
  237. papal bull by qualcomm on June 30, 2008
  238. gakwer by qualcomm on August 01, 2008
  239. We were sitting on our fucking throne when the court page ran in. by qualcomm on August 13, 2008
  240. Bob & Jenny by qualcomm on September 17, 2008
  241. Short #*** by qualcomm on October 03, 2008
  242. Hunchcock's Dilemma by qualcomm on November 15, 2008
  243. Shakespeare Can Suck a Rhinoceros' Cock as Far as I'm Concerned, and That Goes Double for the Rest of You Crapping Cocksuckers by qualcomm on January 05, 2009
  244. Dr. Various by qualcomm on February 25, 2009
  245. Maturity. by qualcomm on March 19, 2009
  246. The Nature of the Ways Things Woiks by qualcomm on March 24, 2009
  247. The deception gene's recessive by qualcomm on October 26, 2009
  248. The Sanguineous Tale of the Hideous Demon Andrew Jackson by qualcomm on October 30, 2009
  249. Short #244 by qualcomm on January 13, 2010
  250. Short #245 by qualcomm on March 31, 2010
  251. Where It's All Heading by qualcomm on January 29, 2011
  252. Mr. Ginoo and Mr. Pot by qualcomm on April 28, 2011
  253. “Walking out on another big showdown, Johnny Crisco?” by qualcomm on August 07, 2011
  254. You Probably Think by qualcomm on December 23, 2012
  255. Exeunt by qualcomm on October 17, 2013
  256. JF by qualcomm on June 03, 2014
  257. Lerpa, The by qualcomm on June 03, 2014
  258. @ the Supermarket by qualcomm on June 03, 2014