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Shorts from Ewan Snow

  1. What if I start to feel emotions? by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  2. Lacking the necessary enzymes to digest the entire rabbit at once… by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  3. Up in the mountains above Hallowed Creek… by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  4. Why won't you believe me? by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  5. We live in a tender, weakened now, by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  6. What weighs more, a ton of bricks, or a metric tonne of bricks? by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  7. What's the secret to your success, Mr Sternum? by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  8. When Knanslaw’s habituator petered out... by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  9. There is little hope of ever making filthy each clean new by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  10. No single humanoid is better than any other single humanoid! by Ewan Snow on December 30, 1899
  11. 7-10 split by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  12. The Mad Scientist’s Back Room Dealings by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  13. Ingrid refused to dance on anything but a freshly polished... by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  14. Parisian Lovescape by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  15. Tender Anymore by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  16. High Mohs Member by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  17. The Love You Eat is Equal to the Love You Shit by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  18. A Parable Without a Message by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  19. Another Bad Poem by Another Lazy Poet by Ewan Snow on January 26, 1996
  20. Hello, hello, it’s so nice of you to come. by Ewan Snow on September 11, 1999
  21. On a certain Satuday in the year of 200- by Ewan Snow on March 05, 2000
  22. What happened to little Checter's college fund? by Ewan Snow on May 13, 2001
  23. How many planets and moons are there in the solar system? by Ewan Snow on March 20, 2002
  24. Sally put her hand on Dusty’s cheek. by Ewan Snow on March 30, 2002
  25. How dare a pigeon try to pass as a ‘dove’? by Ewan Snow on March 30, 2002
  26. Jerry finished his coffee and asked for the check. by Ewan Snow on April 11, 2002
  27. Edward held the Wet-Wet Suzy doll over her face... by Ewan Snow on April 15, 2002
  28. Once Fredrick decided that Eileen was dead to him, he wasted no time in plotting her murder. by Ewan Snow on April 15, 2002
  29. I was once told of an old man who lived in East Granby... by Ewan Snow on April 16, 2002
  30. When Eliza discovered that Alfred was inviting that hussy… by Ewan Snow on April 24, 2002
  31. The boardroom filled up as young Riechek plugged his laptop into the projector. by Ewan Snow on April 24, 2002
  32. Regarding the matter of your grades this semester by Ewan Snow on April 24, 2002
  33. A Christmas Short Short by Ewan Snow on April 27, 2002
  34. The Funny, Funny Name of Procto Schematticca by Ewan Snow on May 18, 2002
  35. Only perfect girls die in ditches. by Ewan Snow on May 19, 2002
  36. What can we learn about ourselves by investigating our clothes? by Ewan Snow on July 03, 2002
  37. I lounged on the beach, following the adventures of David Copperfield. by Ewan Snow on July 08, 2002
  38. Kronos Regalia led his guests through the hedge maze by Ewan Snow on July 11, 2002
  39. Only through torture could Herbert find pleasure. by Ewan Snow on August 01, 2002
  40. Where Dildo’s Dare - A Blowjob in Four Lines by Ewan Snow on August 20, 2002
  41. Young Desmond Oliphant craved cock. by Ewan Snow on August 20, 2002
  42. When Edna realized the their hopes were dashed, she decided to sell her shares in Martin’s youth orchestra. by Ewan Snow on August 20, 2002
  43. Lush vegetation encroached on a small clearing dappled in summer sun. by Ewan Snow on August 20, 2002
  44. All of his best ideas were id oriented, know what I mean. by Ewan Snow on August 20, 2002
  45. Call upon your minions to whisper dark lies in your ears, Lucullus by Ewan Snow on August 20, 2002
  46. He whistled the Family anthem. by Ewan Snow on August 20, 2002
  47. Benjamin McGory didn’t believe in second chances. by Ewan Snow on September 21, 2002
  48. Frank knew what was beeswax and what was mumbo-fucking-jumbo. by Ewan Snow on November 05, 2002
  49. Dylan Zimmerman felt claustrophobic as he strolled down lower Broadway by Ewan Snow on December 06, 2002
  50. Behind a rusty dumpster, beneath a wet limp sheet of cardboard… by Ewan Snow on December 09, 2002
  51. The concierge, Leland McCormick, stood at his station with stiff resolve. by Ewan Snow on December 15, 2002
  52. Lola Bung-Hilda, the beautiful heiress to a wooden denture fortune… by Ewan Snow on December 20, 2002
  53. With an admirable disregard for public opinion, Dylan and Jon Frenched at the bar. by Ewan Snow on February 05, 2003
  54. Cranium McGee dipped his quill in ox blood, despite the warnings of corrosion offered by his art instructor. by Ewan Snow on February 21, 2003
  55. I feel so emotional sometimes. by Ewan Snow on February 21, 2003
  56. I knew you'd never pull through for me. Duncan always said you were a creep. by Ewan Snow on February 23, 2003
  57. Doctor, doctor, what's the news? by Ewan Snow on February 24, 2003
  58. By relegating Constantine to the position of Rear Admiral... by Ewan Snow on February 24, 2003
  59. Reginald slipped his sweaty hands into the back pockets of his Geranimals by Ewan Snow on February 25, 2003
  60. “Low-rent mystery cults can’t hold a shit wick to our sacred demiurge..." by Ewan Snow on February 26, 2003
  61. “I imagine a world full of hope..." by Ewan Snow on February 26, 2003
  62. “Nurse, I need suction.” by Ewan Snow on March 14, 2003
  63. She walked into my office carrying a small silver platter on which by Ewan Snow on March 15, 2003
  64. A Scene (Re-imagined by Ewan Snow) That Actually Happened (According to Phony Millions) by Ewan Snow on March 21, 2003
  65. “Desperate times call for desperate clocks” by Ewan Snow on March 26, 2003
  66. Pascal Devonshire fantasized about taking a radial saw to his skull by Ewan Snow on April 07, 2003
  67. “What’s your major?” by Ewan Snow on April 09, 2003
  68. Down by the lakefront the grass gets deep by Ewan Snow on April 09, 2003
  69. On Failure in the Acme Community, A Scathing Indictment by Ewan Snow on April 09, 2003
  70. Dedication
    with Greatest Honor
    to Simile Blane
    by Ewan Snow on April 10, 2003
  71. First You Get The Truck by Ewan Snow on April 11, 2003
  72. Feedbag Jefferson spent the night guzzling Dr. Pepper by Ewan Snow on May 14, 2003
  73. “Lorgnette never liked you, Drake... by Ewan Snow on May 14, 2003
  74. Ordinary claims require ordinary proof by Ewan Snow on May 16, 2003
  75. “Should tillers of soil despair at the weight of life?” by Ewan Snow on May 16, 2003
  76. Dearest Philippe, Don’t hate me! by Ewan Snow on May 18, 2003
  77. Cramped “Quarters” Chromatone rotated the plus-sized BenWa balls... by Ewan Snow on May 21, 2003
  78. The little river bubbled over the pebbles at the bend... by Ewan Snow on May 28, 2003
  79. Crème Fresh zipped up his pants... by Ewan Snow on June 09, 2003
  80. Chaco slipped into his bib by Ewan Snow on June 11, 2003
  81. “Let h represent all your hopes and dreams... by Ewan Snow on June 22, 2003
  82. fonnet Infcribed on a Time-fwept ftone by Ewan Snow on June 22, 2003
  83. “Are you almost done?” by Ewan Snow on July 01, 2003
  84. Lost and Found Short Short by Ewan Snow on July 12, 2003
  85. Old School Short by Ewan Snow on July 17, 2003
  86. Star Wars Fan Sonnet #119 by Ewan Snow on July 24, 2003
  87. If only to be held, to be loved… by Ewan Snow on July 27, 2003
  88. Meltdown Permanente crapped religious... by Ewan Snow on July 27, 2003
  89. Regular Space Fan Fiction by Ewan Snow on July 30, 2003
  90. “Tarpit Crapulenza said this place was real horny” by Ewan Snow on August 04, 2003
  91. “Oh God!” screamed Bud. “I got here as fast as I could." by Ewan Snow on August 06, 2003
  92. The street looked dirty and there weren’t many people out. by Ewan Snow on August 07, 2003
  93. We set up base camp at twenty-five thousand feet. by Ewan Snow on August 10, 2003
  94. True Story – Fall Semester, 1990 by Ewan Snow on August 22, 2003
  95. A Long Time Coming by Ewan Snow on August 23, 2003
  96. Portrait of the Artist by Ewan Snow on August 24, 2003
  97. Funny Short by Ewan Snow on August 27, 2003
  98. Tenka Schperdorf plied her wares down by the harbor of nights. by Ewan Snow on August 27, 2003
  99. “Communication” + “Unity” = “Community” by Ewan Snow on August 27, 2003
  100. Oh, dear me, dear me! by Ewan Snow on September 02, 2003
  101. The Dinner Party by Ewan Snow on September 03, 2003
  102. True Story -- 1985 by Ewan Snow on September 05, 2003
  103. “Construction paper puppets, oak tag tigers… by Ewan Snow on September 16, 2003
  104. Flax Garvy chined the spring pig... by Ewan Snow on September 19, 2003
  105. The moment you’ve been waiting for your whole life will never come by Ewan Snow on September 20, 2003
  106. The Pontifex Maximus took off his pointy hat by Ewan Snow on September 22, 2003
  107. Monday morning cigarette smoke... by Ewan Snow on October 01, 2003
  108. Inside his immaculate fortress... by Ewan Snow on November 26, 2003
  109. Coup D’Tocqueville knew all the angles... by Ewan Snow on December 03, 2003
  110. Mittens by Ewan Snow on December 06, 2003
  111. Dear Rita, by Ewan Snow on December 06, 2003
  112. Like the Cockroach it Was by Ewan Snow on December 06, 2003
  113. Immured within the high walls... by Ewan Snow on December 29, 2003
  114. “Horny thoughts, expressed in the clearest and plainest of terms..." by Ewan Snow on January 01, 2004
  115. Jen and I knew it was gonna be lame... by Ewan Snow on January 15, 2004
  116. I rode into Carson City with a pocketful of silver... by Ewan Snow on January 15, 2004
  117. Hemorrhoid Story by Ewan Snow on January 23, 2004
  118. “This marriage isn’t working, Otto..." by Ewan Snow on January 26, 2004
  119. “Hello, Frankie, how was school?” by Ewan Snow on February 06, 2004
  120. Fragment 7a by Ewan Snow on February 15, 2004
  121. Untitled by Ewan Snow on February 18, 2004
  122. Planned Neglect by Ewan Snow on February 27, 2004
  123. by Ewan Snow on March 01, 2004
  124. Good Luck by Ewan Snow on March 09, 2004
  125. Joke by Ewan Snow on March 11, 2004
  126. Whenever I hear somebody refer to a vagina... by Ewan Snow on March 12, 2004
  127. “How many rocks do you have there... by Ewan Snow on March 16, 2004
  128. “Yeah, LunkLink used to write good shorts... by Ewan Snow on March 16, 2004
  129. “Hey, Crackers, why are you squatting down there with my keepsakes?” by Ewan Snow on March 16, 2004
  130. General Choade spent the afternoon trying to weaponize his wife. by Ewan Snow on March 17, 2004
  131. When Sonia arrived in New York, Penn Station was nearly deserted. by Ewan Snow on April 04, 2004
  132. Metamorphosis by Ewan Snow on April 12, 2004
  133. Dr. Ptolemy Telegenicles fielded questions from the press. by Ewan Snow on May 20, 2004
  134. “Imagine the story of a man..." by Ewan Snow on May 21, 2004
  135. Sylvia pulled out her tampon and threw it in the trash. by Ewan Snow on June 09, 2004
  136. The volcanic swelter... by Ewan Snow on June 11, 2004
  137. Loneliness waits in quiet corridors by Ewan Snow on June 16, 2004
  138. “When I look back at the slow shady days of childhood..." by Ewan Snow on June 16, 2004
  139. The Ancient Order of Acme by Ewan Snow on June 23, 2004
  140. The Old Man flaked the crusty net onto the deck. by Ewan Snow on July 15, 2004
  141. I got a new doctor, a lady doctor, and even though she wasn’t all that hot, she really turned me on. by Ewan Snow on July 26, 2004
  142. “I feel like a failure.” by Ewan Snow on August 13, 2004
  143. What if they invented a force field? by Ewan Snow on October 12, 2004
  144. “Hey, Greco, why the dumb face?” by Ewan Snow on October 12, 2004
  145. I’m building a small wooden box in which I intend to spend the rest of my life. by Ewan Snow on November 04, 2004
  146. The Stench of the Soil by Ewan Snow on November 12, 2004
  147. Consider this its epitaph. by Ewan Snow on November 22, 2004
  148. Prelude to a Regret by Ewan Snow on December 01, 2004
  149. I peeled off my sock and examined the large open sore on my instep. by Ewan Snow on December 02, 2004
  150. The Plot Against Tatooine by Ewan Snow on December 20, 2004
  151. I was having an existential crisis... by Ewan Snow on December 30, 2004
  152. The gay godfather by Ewan Snow on January 03, 2005
  153. Who wrote this one? by Ewan Snow on January 19, 2005
  154. Butch pulled off his cap... by Ewan Snow on January 20, 2005
  155. A dense and wild forest... by Ewan Snow on January 20, 2005
  156. I’m not willing to compromise. by Ewan Snow on January 20, 2005
  157. untitled by Ewan Snow on January 20, 2005
  158. I don’t presume to tell you your business. by Ewan Snow on January 20, 2005
  159. I always do jobs on foot. by Ewan Snow on March 02, 2005
  160. A Picasso by Ewan Snow on March 02, 2005
  161. Selected Shorts by Ewan Snow on March 18, 2005
  162. A Love for Fool by Ewan Snow on March 18, 2005
  163. Beardsley by Ewan Snow on March 18, 2005
  164. Nude Descending a Staircase by Ewan Snow on March 23, 2005
  165. Supply and Demand by Ewan Snow on April 04, 2005
  166. On account of his adventures on the raft with Jim by Ewan Snow on April 12, 2005
  167. Chapter CMXXIV by Ewan Snow on April 12, 2005
  168. The blank page is a whore by Ewan Snow on April 12, 2005
  169. Chapter CMXXIV by Ewan Snow on April 21, 2005
  170. Before the time of yore... by Ewan Snow on June 10, 2005
  171. Egg Martini by Ewan Snow on June 10, 2005
  172. Two people walked down the street. by Ewan Snow on June 10, 2005
  173. “Okay folks, it’s time to listen to me..." by Ewan Snow on June 23, 2005
  174. I have peculiar habits... by Ewan Snow on July 29, 2005
  175. Womyn's Lib by Ewan Snow on August 03, 2005
  176. It Turned Cold by Ewan Snow on August 09, 2005
  177. Will you help me work on my act? by Ewan Snow on August 31, 2005
  178. Memoir Excerpt by Ewan Snow on September 11, 2005
  179. Time is But a Nut Cake by Ewan Snow on September 19, 2005
  180. "Classify yourself" by Ewan Snow on September 19, 2005
  181. Portrait of a Marriage by Ewan Snow on September 19, 2005
  182. I have notions about myself which you may find ridiculous by Ewan Snow on September 26, 2005
  183. It started off... by Ewan Snow on October 06, 2005
  184. I am going to write about my true feelings. by Ewan Snow on October 14, 2005
  185. “This isn’t my dog.” by Ewan Snow on October 17, 2005
  186. Fact by Ewan Snow on October 24, 2005
  187. “These attempts at defining reality... by Ewan Snow on October 25, 2005
  188. Healthcare Provider by Ewan Snow on May 16, 2006
  189. I ordered another Dust Cloud... by Ewan Snow on February 21, 2007
  190. FYI by Ewan Snow on April 15, 2007
  191. Dubya slid onto my sofa by Ewan Snow on December 09, 2007
  192. “You managed to get into my office, Mr. Phlonthonth, you've got two minutes. What's your pitch?” by Ewan Snow on April 12, 2008
  193. Humidor by Ewan Snow on April 12, 2008
  194. I keep my mind in my brain by Ewan Snow on August 27, 2008
  195. DIY by Ewan Snow on March 26, 2009
  196. Do Android Hillbillies Fuck Electric Sheep? by Ewan Snow on August 21, 2009
  197. For Whom the Stew Tolls by Ewan Snow on March 19, 2010
  198. Five Hundred Times Sharper than Steel by Ewan Snow on March 19, 2010
  199. I suffer from a rare and debilitating condition. by Ewan Snow on June 19, 2013