home authors guest shorts graphical shorts


I had already spent a good half-hour considering my cock. Weighing it in my hand, feeling its heft. Twisting it, distending it, placing it atop a stack of paper transparencies and tracing its outline with colored markers. Sunshine was streaming in through the bay window; I held up my cock to see how it refracted the light. I watched dappled flecks of sun and shade reel up and down its pink-gray length. Eventually, I let that cock drop. It dangled there, looking wistful, like a sad-eyed Shire horse. I snatched at it, with both hands this time, and began to fold it - one fold, two folds, three - until I had it tightly packed between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand, a cock accordion; and when I let it go, it sprung forward like a champ.

The afternoon was getting on. I hid my cock in a desk drawer and pretended to be searching for something - a pencil, an old pay stub - and feigned surprise when I discovered the cock, a plump tuber, pinched between a pile of index cards and a Swingline stapler. Oh, I stared at it. In my mind, I dressed it in a variety of costumes. I imagined it as a Spanish martinet, haughty and mustachioed and indifferent to the insults of its enemies; I saw it, in a schoolboy’s shirtsleeves, dozing near a fountain in the noonday sun. I think it was when I was clattering my cock, with a two-fisted wood-chopping motion, against the grille of the digital alarm clock, that I realized it was 4:30, and that I’d missed my youngest daughter’s Christmas pageant; and I spent at least ten minutes just looking at the cock - looking at it but not really seeing it, for I was lost in thought. But then I said, Fuck it, she was only playing a tree, and I marched over to the kitchen table, and without using a ruler or t-square - just eyeballing it - laid that cock in the exact center of a freshly laundered tea towel.

Date Written: June 15, 2004
Author: Craig Lewis
Average Vote: 3.9231

06/18/2004 John Slocum (4): This guy's life is unbalanced.
06/18/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I wish I had this kind of relationship in my life. This man is so happy!
06/18/2004 scoop (3): Very well-written, but alas, equally boring.
06/18/2004 Mr. Joshua (3): Like the idea, but not the execution.
06/18/2004 anonymous (1):
06/18/2004 TheBuyer (5): gentleman's 5
06/18/2004 Ewan Snow (4): I was going to give this a five to compensate, but Buyer beat me to it, so I'll give it a 4, which is what I'd probably give this 3.5 anyway. Does that make any sense? I don't know.
06/18/2004 Litcube (5): An excellent work. The grace of the cock. This could easily be ported to a short ballet. "O' Fortuna" as background music.
06/18/2004 Benny Maniacs (5): I like when he pretends he can't see the cock, like he was playing a game with a toddler.
06/18/2004 Jon Matza (5): 4.3 + .7 for the lowball vote. Only flaw - I don't buy he could have laid it in the exact center of the towel without a t-square.
06/18/2004 Phony Millions (5): I would give this a five anyways. This is fucking funny, no? Economy of thematic material - author's cock - with one little episode - his missed engagement with his daughter, a great juxtaposition. Various articles qualifying his cock - my cock, that cock, the cock...
06/18/2004 John Slocum: "..and when I let it go, it sprung forward like a champ." Nice semi-colon there.
12/24/2004 Shane Mahoney (1): I fail to see how this piece addresses the pressing issue of how we are moving forward in our application of the North American ideal of preservation and the stewardship of our vital natural rezources.
02/23/2005 Dylan Danko (5):
03/7/2005 deliciousbrains: You said you were at an important meeting! And FYI, I wasn't just any tree, I was the one they hung Judas on, you bastard!