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"I suffer from two irrational fears, I should say I used to suffer from them because I have them both licked. I once had a real fear of soap getting on or into the head of my penis. I got over that fear fairly young when I learned to rinse and wash at the same time, I'm still pretty careful though. Weird one, huh?

The other one is the fear of snagging a finger-nail and ripping it off. To this day I still can't stand the sight of gloves. I was going to try to watch the Friday Night Fights last week but just the thought of two hours of boxing gloves...well, I ended up back on the Adavan.

Stories especially, they scare the daylights out of me. I heard this one where this concert pianist did a gliss and left her thumbnail behind, jammed next to middle C...and she kept PLAYING! Or this one guy who cut himself washing dishes and pulled his pointing finger nail off just changing the band-aid! I threw up when I heard that one because I had just gotten over a nasty paper-cut on my pointing finger; it could have been me.

Like I said though, I solved it; sort of solved it anyhow, I still have a ways to go until I'm completely out of the woods. Kind of funny how it happened too, I mean considering all the money I've spent on therapy and whatnot, I finally found a way to get the insurance company to pay for it and by complete accident! I was feeding some windfall into an old chipper this past summer and well, I get kind of careless and daydreamy when I drink. I kind of drifted off and just followed a piece of cedar a little too far along and ZaP! PoW! Just like that, all five fingers were a memory! Clean off and I hardly even felt it! I knew it was gonna sting like crazy when the shock wore off, but man...how can I describe the feeling of relief of not worrying about those darn nails anymore? Five down, five to go right? Well not for long, heh. Got a brand new bandsaw for father's day, a fridge full of beer, plenty of iodine and bandages, and about a dozen projects that need doing on the weekend, and I can't wait to get started! Sure, I shuffle a pack of cards slower now, but for the first time in my life I can grate cheese! CHEESE!! Fair trade, I'd say!"

Date Written: June 23, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4.35714

06/28/2004 TheBuyer (2):
06/28/2004 Will Disney: i'll read this shortly, okay? i've got a conference call, all right?
06/28/2004 Jon Matza (4): Held my interest, for the most part. Was disconcerted by odd capitalization of 'zap' & 'pow'. Guest 4.
06/28/2004 John Slocum (4): "how can I describe the feeling of relief of not worrying about those darn nails anymore?"
06/28/2004 Snack Bar (4): i felt this. as a child, someone fed me a bad one-liner about falling off the Empire State Building and catching an eyelid on the way down. i've still never made it to the top of that damn building.
06/29/2004 anonymous: Holy shit, it counts! Thank you snack bar. You are the important #5 comment, and third counting vote. Very effing covert indeed! I'm trying out this whole "restraint" thing with comments n'shit? like trying to limit them? You know? like the amount and length? but I suck at it.
06/29/2004 anonymous: what the crap? anon?
06/29/2004 anonymous: Whats even worse is when your fears are rational...
06/29/2004 anonymous: They are rational, they are! First Jon Matza, then John Slocum, now Jan Brad Evans, all flying on a plane! Who is next? HUH? Jon Feldspar? Juan Pony? The Lerpa? WHO?! Well...back to my bong.
06/29/2004 Pix (5): My 2 are: Bill Collectors and Internet Stalkers
06/29/2004 Snack Bar: depends on what your definition of rational is, i suppose. (i like the mathmatical one.) i consider all my irrational fears to be perfectly rational in my reality. there's no saying how they'd play out in yours. sticky things. i'm mortified if something physically sticks to me. don't know where that started. could wager a guess...
12/16/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Decent short! I also like how the comment stream could have become a sharing session, but didn't!
12/16/2004 Ewan Snow (5): A fine short indeed.
12/17/2004 qualcomm: this short entered a nightmare i had last night. an old man with no fingers came into my house and demanded that i give him money and take care of him in general. he was very self-righteous and indignant over the whole thing, very pushy. and i was so filled with hatred and fear that i couldn't manage to yell at him the way he deserved. he kept pushing me around with his hand stumps. he was played by an older jack nance.
07/1/2005 Dylan Danko: Feeling guilty about something, QC?
06/7/2006 scoop (4.5): I missed this one first go around.