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I sort of wish I was a woman sometimes. I like to fold my penis between my legs and make believe and even had a nice pink clit tattooed on the top of my penis so it looks more realistic. I really get into it though, beyond just the genital fare. That’s what a lot of guys miss when they go fem, the details. Like I started digging romantic comedies and paid attention to all the babies and pregnant women I saw walking around. Also I did stuff like wear barrettes and I made sure that I didn’t get promoted too high at work. I try to get really sensitive and emotional for a few days a month and I drink lots of water and don’t pee much so I get to feel bloated. I removed all the pockets from my pants and then started carrying all sorts of stuff so I’d need a pocket book. And when I was caught in the Sierra Nevada’s last winter I made a point of surviving longer than most of the guys which is what a real woman would do because of their body fat or breast feeding or something. Once I got home I decided I shouldn’t be so satisfied with my body and started reading magazines in the hopes of feeling worse about it. I wasn’t sure if it was working so I decided to cut myself. That hurt, but I decided to stick with it. Also maybe become bulimic and get really into shoes.

Date Written: June 24, 2004
Author: James K. Polk
Average Vote: 4.65385

Comments:
06/30/2004 TheBuyer (5): details
06/30/2004 qualcomm (5):
06/30/2004 Will Disney (5): 4.5
06/30/2004 Jon Matza (4): Sirloin premise, but I think some misogynistic chances were missed here with the chick behaviors. I'd have liked to see the protagonist emotionally manipulating others, wallowing in self-pity & hysterically overreacting to imagined slights. Liked the barettes & the Sierra Nevada lines best.
06/30/2004 Will Disney: i give matza's comments 4 stars.
06/30/2004 scoop: And what of their slavish devotion to those mewling, mindless little drooling sacks of wants and needs they love so much? I agree wholeheartedly with Matza. Author seemed hesitatnt to explore the more sickening, degenerate, and emotionally pornographic aspects of WO-MAN in this otherwise daring foray in to the "other."
06/30/2004 qualcomm: while all of these additions would have been fun, the idea of the short is still top-round chuck, brother. seriously, it's porterhouse.
06/30/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I know just what author means! 4.5!
06/30/2004 Craig Lewis (5):
06/30/2004 scoop (5): "It was quite a shock for a heterosexual like myself to accidentally stray into this lavatory and to find oneself in what seemed to be a kind of oriental male brothel. He obviously found that absolutely fascinating."
06/30/2004 BlameWhore (4): our womanly neuroses weren't captured as well as i'd like - male perspective. it's hilarious but i think it was missing a deeper dig on the female psyche. also, women are ALWAYS "really into shoes."
06/30/2004 Pix (5): All the misconceptions and generalizations about women rolled up into one tidy and hilarious package! Nice work!
06/30/2004 anonymous: Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you guys liked this.
06/30/2004 Mr. Pony: Wait wait I haven't voted yet!
06/30/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I love it that shoes are a detail and the tattoo is a broad stroke. Also, I'm not so sure that this is as mysogynistic as some folks make it out to be! Like Pix said, nice package.
06/30/2004 TheBuyer: hey, read it out loud in your best Sean Connery, you won't be sorry.
06/30/2004 Pix: Maybe we should get the Robot to Read it!
06/30/2004 John Slocum (4): nice work
07/6/2004 ElTwisto (5): Its 1AM I'M fuckl tired.
05/9/2006 Daphne (4.5): I totally do this too