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There was nothing even remotely arousing in Nilda Cortes' handling of the device called a stopcock. Her gentle grip on the graduated cylinder offered one's imagination no visual metaphor. Nor could Professor Nprovon's positioning behind her, his rangy hips drawn back tensely, be construed as anything like a preparation for some angry thrust. The difference in their ages would excite only deviants, and Nilda's safety goggles and white coat could in no way be fetishized. In short, the confluence of latent human sexuality with these laboratory elements suggested no possibilities whatsoever.

Date Written: June 25, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4

06/30/2004 Will Disney: this one is certainly straightforward.
06/30/2004 scoop: "We all know as drivers that there are young men who cannot bear being overtaken by a woman driver. Young men feel powerful sexual emotions - half of America used to be conceived in cars. There is nothing revolutionary in the idea that there is a sexual component to our idea of, our excitement by, car crashes."
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko (2): Ballard I assume. How fucking boring. Sounds like a 13 year old in present day america thinking that a tattoo of a salamander around the ankle is radical. As for the short, the student/teacher ass fuck has been done. In a lab as well, I think.
06/30/2004 anonymous: but has the student/teacher non-assfuck been done? you genius of stupidity?
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Yes, it's done everyday in every decayed classroom, in every sterile laboratory. And it's not funny. In fact, it's upsetting.
06/30/2004 scoop: "...sensation rules our world, and a sort of perverse logic is operating which thrives on violence, and to some extent, a lesser extent I think, sex."
06/30/2004 Ewan Snow (4): Dylan, what the hell does your comment mean? Or are you an imposter Dylan? As for the short, the anti-innuendo enumeration is a great idea and it's executed fine. Somehow it isn't all that funny, however. I read it and thought, ah yes, there is an amusing notion carried to its logical conclusion. 3.5 rounded up for various reasons.
06/30/2004 plasticine dreams: This short is a fucking rip off!
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Are you there, Scoop? It's me Margaret.
06/30/2004 scoop: "Only one thing is left which can rouse people, threaten them directly and force them to act together: Crime? Crime and transgressive behaviour."
06/30/2004 "Daryl Khan": Are you there God its me Dylan, I need a drink, uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Wouldn't the latent human sexuality on its own present possibilities? I mean, that certainly suggests that they're horny. I think there is indeed ass fucking going on here but the lack of possibilities are those presented to the voyeur (us) and not the actors. OR it's all a sordid unfulfilled rape fantasy.
06/30/2004 scoop: "That's the fearful prospect a little further down the road, that people will accept that their lives are meaningless and that everything else is a fiction designed to assuage, you know, the sort of desperate anxiety of a meaningless world."
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Why must the thrust be angry?
06/30/2004 scoop: "I think you know, it's a return to the self in a way..."
06/30/2004 James K. Polk: Dylan, why are pretending not to understand this short?
06/30/2004 "Daryl Khan": Are you there God, it's me Dylan I need a drink, uhhhhhhhhhhh...
06/30/2004 James K. Polk (4): It's NOT angry, see.
06/30/2004 TheBuyer (4): I completely agree with scoop but only partially and with qualifications; that is to say he has made Danko insane. This short? Unfucking is funny.
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Mr. President, why must the thrust be angry in order to indicate sex.
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Boy, Scoop, that's pure gold you got there with that drinking schtick!
06/30/2004 TheBuyer: Hey! I'm waaaay more drunk than Dylan right now!
06/30/2004 Jon Matza (5): This was first rate, you're all nuts. More soon...
06/30/2004 anonymous: danko: the thrust mustn't be angry to indicate sex. but an angry thrust can be a component in sex. the word 'angry' was used in this short to lend particularity to the situation. in other words, as an adjective. every comment you've made on this short has been completely obtuse. may you die of cirrhosis in an INS holding tank.
06/30/2004 "Daryl Khan": I'm sorry Dylan. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: Dude you're totally out of the band now.
06/30/2004 Dylan Danko: last comment to author this comment to Scoop. If you've got some time later today or maybe this weekend I'd like to sit down and talk to you about my feelings. Would that be alright?
06/30/2004 plasticine dreams: FREE LEONARD PELTIER!!!
06/30/2004 scoop: "The media landscape is saturated with images of violence and sexuality, desperately trying to extract a sort of flicker, a galvanic response from the sort of dead frog's leg of, you know, the human spirit..."
06/30/2004 Pix: TheBuyer, yer Stellas are in the fridge cooling, don't get too loaded or they will feel neglected.
06/30/2004 Pix (3): Oh yeah... Not really getting it, but its short and I'm impatient so I'll donate a 3 to the cause.
06/30/2004 anonymous: Author, I think this short is too hard for some readers. Please try to write easier shorts.
06/30/2004 Pix: Har har, its easy to take pot shots when yer anon. Keep em coming!
06/30/2004 plasticine dreams: Thank god you posted anonymously! Such an incendiary comment would certainly leave you open to flogging.
06/30/2004 TheBuyer: Fuck, I so owe you a star J.S.
06/30/2004 Benny Maniacs: Word to the Matza.
06/30/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Makes me feel sexual, as in healing.
06/30/2004 John Slocum (5): I agree with snow except I think it's funny. Also, there's a factual error in the short: the lab coat and goggles can be fetishized. I mean, some people told me about it. I have never fetishized these things before. No one can prove it. Okay, I've never been successfully prosecuted for fetishizing these things in the midst of a murder/suicide. Never.
06/30/2004 TheBuyer: Huh?! Wha?! Jonas Matzos?! I thought this short was the opposite of this.
06/30/2004 Jon Matza: In my opinion this short is the latest, and best, of a series of shorts whose comedy lies in a sense of desultoriness, negation and/or anticlimax arising from things not happening. I claim credit for pioneering this sub-genre (on Acme, anyhow) here, and more obviously, here. Lerpa applied the technique in an innovative way here, and now (assuming this is also Lerpa) takes it to the logical extreme, in effect writing the anti-short. Note, however, that unlike the Lerpa, I am pleased by this "dialogue between shorts" and have no urge to make accusations of robbery, 2 star a good short, etc. That is to say, I am more honorable and have a more generous spirit.
06/30/2004 John Slocum: and tighter abs
06/30/2004 TheBuyer: Nice follow up. I thought it was going to be another, "how do you keep a moron in suspence" joke.
scoop had previously set me straight on the concept of the un-short when I dueced your 'pebbles', which I regret for various reasons, but until you strung them together I didn't make the connection. So where is the line drawn between larceny and treatment?
06/30/2004 qualcomm: thank you for your generosity of spirit, matza. in fact, i had thought about the short's similarity to your noroton meditation when i was editing it, though its immediate inspiration was a subway poster featuring these two characters, their names left identical to implicate the innocent.
07/1/2004 Mr. Pony: I think maybe we should all pledge our works and our lives to the glory of the Commonwealth.
07/8/2004 scoop (5): "Hey, F'ing F you Danko." (that's an actual Ballard quote!)