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Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array, fresh from war and covered in blood, eyes wide with blood-lust and terror, armour slathed in the contents of eviscerated chest cavities, the heads of their fallen enemies piked upon great flags, all walked into the Donair King just as it was closing.
'Shit, man', you know, like how black people say it.
fuck it, this is the part I took out.
...just as it was closing
Minutes pass. All was calm for a full three seconds between the last outcry from the back-seat and the explosion from the same. Suddenly the windows all went opaque and red as the car bucked and slew blindly accross four lanes of traffic and into a ditch where it lay steaming, indicating a right-hand turn. Everything was covered in a dripping, watery layer of blood and guts and piss. Piss especially. Piss all over the place. Pissy, bloody guts running orange and pink in gorey pissy rivulets towards the front-seat floormats. A ghoulish strand of liver and babyfat peeling down off the celing and into the passenger side headrest. Mommy really should've just stopped the fucking car at the Donair King and let him piss behind the dumpster, fucking Macedonian toilet hogs.
Date Written: June 30, 2004Comments:
Average Vote: 3.8333
07/5/2004 anonymous: The last thing I did before bed was change the last line. Fuck.
07/5/2004 Will Disney (3): I liked the setup but I wasn't crazy about the ending. I believe you could take the setup, add to each of them, and the ending and create two new shorts because they're both all right.
07/5/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (3): Kinda like The Abyss. I think that would have made two good movies.
07/5/2004 Benny Maniacs: Word up about the abyss. Alternately, I would have just kept going. But, if you don't what you did, fucking edit it! Take back that regretful last line, and have that ending you always wanted! Don't listen to those nay-sayers who say nay to stuff! They're just a bunch of tits! If it's good, it's good! Yeah! Fuck her! Suck her tits!
07/5/2004 anonymous: ahem.
07/5/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Nope, you blew it. Negative ten stars!!
07/5/2004 TheBuyer: Good thing it's a holiday today, this sucks.
07/5/2004 John Slocum (3): 2.5 - good set up, crap ending, as everyone has already pointed out. Kind of like Douglas Adams (second time I've made comparison).
07/5/2004 anonymous: I'm sorry, I'm dying. I have to put it back the way it was. ac-forgive-me
07/6/2004 anonymous: If you haven't seen this before, please don't vote on it, it's tainted by editing. Thank you.
07/6/2004 ElTwisto (4): Whatever.
07/6/2004 ElTwisto: Whatever you say.
07/6/2004 Cooper Green (5): The, you write some very funny stuff. All those chemicals you took are starting to pay off. On a more critical note, I was going to give this a 19, but the needless "fucking Macedonian toilet hogs" slur is both unkind and unnecessary. Five is all you get.
10/21/2004 scoop (5): Here's the first one...more to come.