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“I think it’s the Friedl-Crafts Alkylation you’re after,” said Professor Triple-Bond taking another slug of his St. Ides. “You see, in order to join two compounds, there must be created in each of them an undeniable and compelling desire for one another. In this case, aluminum tri-chloride plays ‘cupid,’ bringing our love birds, benzene and isopropyl chloride, together. How does it do this? By being so electrophilic! It rips that electron-rich chlorine right off the isopropyl chloride, leaving it hypo-valent, directionless. It needs electrons. And what better paramour than the strongly nucleophilic benzene ring?! Their mutual need is so great, so powerful, they slam together in a violent, explosive reaction. Et voila: isoproply benzene. Understand? Excuse me, it’s time for my medicine.”

Triple-Bond began hopping up and down on his left foot, ramming his head into the wall every third hop. His big, bushy red afro jumped to and fro and it looked as though he was going to knock the freckles right off his face.

Susie closed her book, packed it in her knapsack and left his office. The wetness in her panty was uncomfortable. As she headed across campus she wondered if her chemistry Prof. would ever return her love. Love from a distance, she thought. Hmmmm. Was he trying to tell her something? Where was the 'aluminum tri-chloride' when she needed it? She realized she was isopropyl chloride, but what would be ripped off her to create the undeniable and compelling desire in Triple-Bond? Her arm? “Maybe my blouse,” she thought giggling as she reached under her bra and squeezed her ample bosom. The alkylation reaction seemed so violent to her when all she wanted was the comfort of sex with the man she respected and loved.

Date Written: July 03, 2004
Author: John Slocum
Average Vote: 4

07/7/2004 qualcomm (3): that's for missing practice. asshole.
07/7/2004 Ewan Snow (4): More like professor Van der Waals!
07/7/2004 Craig Lewis (4): Poignant last graf. My favorite line: "The wetness in her panty was uncomfortable."
07/7/2004 John Slocum: This is not mine, The Lerpa. Your lack of socialization has stung another innocent bystander.
07/7/2004 TheBuyer: Panty. Did some dirty goddamn foreigner write this?
07/7/2004 TheBuyer (4): oh. right.
07/7/2004 scoop (4): Yeah, The Lerpa what's with your socialization skill lately?
07/8/2004 Benny Maniacs (5): To offset the Lerpa's pooping. Ha ha the Lerpa!
07/8/2004 ElTwisto (4): That professer is totally strange???
07/8/2004 Mr. Pony (4): 3.4, rounded up to correct for the Lerpa's vote. Man, if this keeps up, the Lerpa really liked this short!
07/8/2004 Will Disney (4): 3 + .5 for vocabulary
07/8/2004 Terrence: what does this shorts mean? everybody is partying forthe 4 of July people!
07/8/2004 Mr. Pony: Terrence! How are you, buddy? We missed you!
07/8/2004 Dylan Danko: Terrence, did you just get back from Mykonos?
07/8/2004 Mr. Pony: Tewwence? Wheow'd youw gow, Tewwence?
07/8/2004 Terrence: oh my Pretty POny I am going dancing tomorrow night and so are you honey, Don't FORGET, it is summer 2004 and everybody just wants to party! So cmon everybody just ROCK OUT WITH YR COCK OUT because this is the summer of love! Also Fahrenheit 911 is good but Michael More honey its time for lipo, can somebody please put that whale on the southbeach DIET aLREADY!
07/9/2004 Mr. Pony: I'm so there!