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Sidney Poitier was very disappointed in you. His eyes narrowed. Did you think you could put one over on him? Were you trying to undermine his dignity and self-respect? His mouth stretched into a thin grimace and he slowly shook his head. Your throwback worldview didn't rouse his anger. It didn't even sadden him. It was only wearying, how you insisted on yet again degrading yourself. Would you please desist with your pandering, your condescenscion? Would you, sir?

Date Written: July 05, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 4.8

07/9/2004 Ewan Snow: Wow, that's weird. I'm almost ready to five star this fucker. What an odd, but true point it makes.
07/9/2004 qualcomm (5): allow me
07/9/2004 Moe-Ron (4): Very "they call me Mr. Tibbs." 4 stars.
07/9/2004 Will Disney: wait, what was i doing again?
07/9/2004 anonymous: just stop it, that's all. stop rolling back human progress with your insensitive actions.
07/9/2004 TheBuyer (5):
07/9/2004 scoop (5): What'd I care some (censored) thinks of me?
07/9/2004 Ewan Snow (5): This short may be the only good use of second person in prose I've ever seen. Plus, brevity counts. Why not, five stars.
07/9/2004 Jon Matza (5): My guess is Lerpa.
07/9/2004 Litcube: I don't get it.
07/9/2004 Ewan Snow: Then go ahead and give it a one.
07/9/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I was gonna give this short four stars, but then I noticed that its power caused scoop to censor himself! Amazing!
07/9/2004 anonymous: or The Lerpa two sentence, no caps style impersonator. [expletive]
07/9/2004 Ewan Snow: Huh?
07/9/2004 anonymous: i liked it okay until the matza ripoff last graf. f u, danko.
no, seriously, your efforts are appreciated. it's all about how hard you try.
oh come on, disney. a few fuck you's get thrown around and this is the latest controversy?
just stop it, that's all. stop rolling back human progress with your insensitive actions.
see? No expletive, but see?

Not The Finch, Someone Else

07/9/2004 Ewan Snow: FU, Danko.
07/9/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I'm negating all the extra stars from everyone else's four and three quarter votes. Bloody good short, just didn't get my nuts singing.
07/9/2004 John Slocum: I feel as though I'm missing something. I don't get this short. There, I said it. If the author, or anyone else would care to explain, i would appreciate it. thank you, john Slocum
07/10/2004 Jon Matza: (I'd say) it's about how the one-note actor Sidney Poitier (whose specialty was responding wearily to ignorant racism) became Hollywood shorthand for "the integrity of the black man". What's more, the short's tone and diction is itself in Poitier-speak.
07/10/2004 qualcomm: thank you, matza, i couldn't have etc.
07/10/2004 John Slocum (5): Oh, okay, brilliant. I like it alot.
07/10/2004 Craig Lewis (5): Yeah, this is is a fiver.
07/11/2004 John Slocum: WH/Brookline Crossover?
07/11/2004 scoop: Yeah. Looks like ol' Feldspar might be getting co-opted, Borg like.
07/11/2004 TheBuyer: resistance is so futile, mofo
09/2/2005 The Rid (5): Hey, author of today's guest short: This is a great example of clever, very fucking funny, and - bonus - debunking the myth that Sydney Poitier is a great and mulitfaceted actor.
09/2/2005 Mr. Pony: I really don't think this short debunks any myths about anyone's acting abilities, Rid. Perhaps you'd care to help fight Racism?
09/2/2005 The Rid: Pony, that's definitely in the subtext.
12/14/2006 Dylan Danko: I declare this short totally overrated.
04/4/2007 Dylan Danko: I declare myself totally wrong.