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Your grandfather was getting laid for the first time. He was getting a nice, long, luxorious blowjob from some flapper-looking broad who was a cigarette girl at the same club where you grandfather used to clean up after school sometimes. This flapper usually liked to go after the high-rollers, not the kids, but this night was different. For reasons I won’t go into, she went after your grandfather.

They were in the coat roam. She sucked and sucked at your grandfather’s cock. Then she suddenly stopped.

“Whoa!” he said. “What happened?”

“Call me mommy and I’ll start again.”


“Call me mommy and tell me what to do.”

“Uh, mommy, mommy, please put my penis back in your mouth!” your grandfather stammered.

So the flapper did. She went back to work and finally your grandfather popped in her mouth. But she didn’t swalled or spit - she held your grandfather’s jizz in there. Then, in one graceful motion, she stood up, took your grandfather’s hand, placed it between her legs, leaned forward to kiss him, and snowballed the jizz back into his mouth. Your grandfather was shocked at first, and did not know what to do, but he was young, and his hand was between a woman’s legs for the first time, and she continued to kiss him, and so he swallowed it.

And then he realized something. He liked the taste.

Anyway, I just thought you'd be interested to know that.

Date Written: July 09, 2004
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4

07/13/2004 scoop: Did this happen in Burma? Because that's where my grandfather, Henry, was murdered, under mysterious circumstances involving an attempt by the British government to reinstall a puppet government after that nation had just had its first successful democratic elections. He was stabbed to death and died weeks later after battling with infection. Or did this happen somewhere else to someone else's grandfather?
07/13/2004 scoop (2): As for the short...maybe a flapper would find this surprising/shocking. I find it lazy and lame. And the insecurity displayed in those last two lines makes me suspect you felt the same way about this short , too, author.
07/13/2004 qualcomm: i think the last line was the best.
07/13/2004 TheBuyer (4):
07/13/2004 anonymous: 2 stars, scoop? Please re-read the short and admit that you low-balled it.
07/13/2004 Benny Maniacs (5): I'm giving this sucker everything I got - like a young, deranged flapper, excited at the thought of happy endings.*

*Upon my first reading, I thought that the grandfather was getting blown at grandfather age. That was more interesting, but I still like the old age feel.
07/13/2004 scoop: An admission, dear author, would imply a statement against fact, something, unfortunatley, I am not in a position to do.
07/14/2004 John Slocum (4): Alot of imagination went into this short.
07/14/2004 Craig Lewis (4): I can't believe my grandfather swallowed his own cum. He was an Orthodox Jew! Anyway, I liked this. Nice deadpan tone -- and the final line is sweet.
07/14/2004 qualcomm: and what about me, disney?? do you mean the grandfather i once caught jacking off into a full garbage bag in his basement, or the other one, who heroically saved a number of family members from the nazis? which one, huh? which one swallowed his own jizz? the hero or the masturbator? because i just couldn't bear it if it was the hero. say something. why aren't you saying anything? oh god. it was the hero, wasn't it? oh my god. my faith. my faith.
07/14/2004 Will Disney: uh, it was the nazi one i'm pretty sure.
07/14/2004 Benny Maniacs: Forgive me for being picky, but if I get a cock-suck, is that technically getting laid?
07/14/2004 Will Disney: AN EXCELLENT POINT, BENNY. In my book, no. I've been well-aware of this inconsistency and have been waiting for someone to call me on it. I wrote the first line and then the rest of the short. I should have gone back and changed it to be 'Your grandfather was getting his first blowjob'. However, I did not. As a side note, my personal definition of getting laid is to put the penis in the vagina. However, this kind of thinking may be a little be patriarchical and old-fashioned. As I pointed out at Pete's last week, the clitoris is on the outside of the vagina, if you've ever seen one, etc., etc.
07/14/2004 qualcomm: as long as the man cums, it's coitus.
07/14/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: I think that you could make the argument that the bj was the prelude to the entree, but really part of the same extended session, that is, "getting laid."
07/14/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: Did anyone else think of writing a comment that followed th OSS's line of reasoning?
07/14/2004 Ewan Snow (5): This was first rate. I laughed. Scoop, why don't you open up your ass and let the sun shine out?
07/14/2004 scoop: Snow, I'll be happy to open up my ass and let the sun shine out. But I don't know if that's going to help you "see" that a short about some old dude getting snowballed is unimaginative and unsurprising.
07/14/2004 Ewan Snow: He isn't old, retard.
07/14/2004 scoop: You're the retard, retard.
07/15/2004 scoop: Despite Snow's persistent retardation, I feel I may have jumped down this particular short's throat a little too harshly and am indebted to the author for a star and change. That doesn't change the fact that Snow remains an A-1 retardo.
07/15/2004 qualcomm: you're both a couple of gaylords
07/15/2004 scoop: Takes one to know one, fucking gaylord.
07/26/2004 Mr. Pony (4): First of all, I can't believe how scoop lowballed this short. Talk about intellectually dishonest! Secondly, I can't believe he took it back once it was down. Talk about intellectually dishonest! Also, he's not me. Talk about intellectually dishonest!
07/26/2004 qualcomm: i'll give this a guest 4
07/26/2004 scoop: Ha!