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I had sacrificed and eaten Reggie, my girlfriend's 2 year old. I had sautéed him in olive oil and rosemary, rare, and had eaten the loose bloody meat with saliva, oil, blood and liquefied fat dripping down my chin. I was right: prepared this way, Reggie was a great pair for the 85 Clos du Mont Olivet Chateauneuf du Pape. [In retrospect I realized there were no real surprises there; the wine was quite herbal, actually smelled like raw, bloody meat - which I definitely knew ahead of time - and it certainly had enough alcohol and body to stand up to Reggie. It was more like a confirmation than a new discovery. I made a mental note to be more daring in my pairing.] When Edwina saw Reggie's half eaten carcass she went berserk, as I guess any mother would. She went right for my neck. I was a little mad because she had interrupted my ruminations so I pushed her to the ground and ripped her arms clear off, right out of their sockets. She screamed, cried, gurgled and must have passed out because she was lying quite still with her mouth open. I used one of her bloody arms to beat her about the face and neck and then went to bed. Good night.
Date Written: July 11, 2004
Author: John Slocum
Average Vote: 4.1111
Comments:
07/16/2004 TheBuyer: Author; you always know just how to treat a lady.
07/16/2004 Benny Maniacs: According to my estimates, this short started at a five, dipped to a three point five, then leveled off to a four with the last two words. I liked the idea of eating babies and the Hannibal Slocum purity of it. I didn't like what he did to mother, which is perhaps my own Freudo-Hitchcockian slant on things.
07/16/2004 qualcomm (4): i know the author has done this before, but i really enjoy the bored violence he's mastered in his tone. i think the trick is in how everything gets the same level of attention. the narrator makes no distinction in importance between cannibalism and wine pairings. on a side note, it's not really a "sacrifice" if the narrator ate him, is it?
07/16/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Oh yeah.
07/16/2004 Stash: i think i dreamt this once, except i had a '90 Un Rayas Legendaire Fonsalette Cuvee Syrah.
07/16/2004 anonymous: YES! who is this reynaud-drinking Stash?
07/16/2004 anonymous: Old Summer: the etiquette in the science world is to refer to the killing of animals for experimentation as 'sacrificing.' In college, I sacrificed a rat while determining if neurons in the thalamus would transport a fluorescent microsphere along their axons to the spine. The character here is doing some 'scientific' research on wine/food pairing.
07/16/2004 Stash (4): à ta ou votre santé, Auteur.
07/16/2004 Will Disney: author: duh!
07/16/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum (3):
07/16/2004 Craig Lewis: Stash: T'es vraiment une fille? Si oui, est-ce qu'il y a du monde sur le balcon? T'as vraiment niqué Kyle McLaughlin?
07/16/2004 Craig Lewis (4): Fourth star is a bit of a gift. Feels a bit like a lesser retread of the author's rightfully famous earlier "wine/food pairing" short.
07/16/2004 Stash: allons! je suis tout fille, tout le temps! (Kyle n'est pas homosexual.) je ne parle assez français, merde! je suis faire de son mieux. Auteur-Poussier, au secours!
07/16/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan: toutes les votre bastilles appartenir a nous.
07/16/2004 TheBuyer (5): Be to you really a girl? If so, is there world on the balcony? Really screwed you Kyle McLaughlin? let us go! I am very girl, all the time! (Kyle is not homosexual.) I do not speak sufficiently French, shit! I am to better do of sound. Author-coal dust, the Help! all them your bastilles to belong has us.
Where the fuck is the biblioteque, EH?
f u Slocum, you rock
07/16/2004 Stash: zut! je suis un Suédois Polonais! mätta med den Franska! dosyc Francuski! (how about something for effort, EH? and Poussier was a smarty wine reference, thank you.)
07/17/2004 TheBuyer: seriously though, Stash. what did you mean by 'author-coal dust?'
07/17/2004 Stash: seriously, Buyer, i thought it meant "star dust" - i was trying to make a witty egocentric Bowie reference.
07/17/2004 Stash: Slocum: have you read the short "Taste" by Roald Dahl?
07/17/2004 John Slocum: I have, I love that story.
07/17/2004 John Slocum: In fact, I love just about everything I've read by that bitch.
07/17/2004 scoop: Copuld one say that his prose is barny?
07/18/2004 John Slocum: No, barnYARDy would be more appropriate.
07/19/2004 scoop (4): I could really see Slocum doing this with the same prefunctory quality he would have when reprimanding some unqualified help for pulling out some wine willy-nilly out of the cellar with no consideration for a dazzling array of adjectives.
07/26/2004 Mr. Pony (4): I really feel that Slocum can do this particular trick standing on his head, but I really appreciate the substance of these, and I find myself thinking of the details, like the narrator's choice to prepare the kid so simply--nothing too complex, just enough flavor hints to let the taste of human flesh really shine. And yeah, I guess I'm sure that wine's pretty good with it. Are you using pork as a model?
12/12/2004 The Rid (5): So gross it's beautiful.
04/8/2005 John Slocum: Pony: Lamb, I think, if memory serves.
04/8/2005 Mr. Pony: mmmm