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I don't get excited very often. But while washing dishes at Burger King (they have actual trays and pans that need to be washed), I found my senses being filled with stimulation and what not. Lakeisha Green is her name. She is a young woman with style. Wearing hitched up pants and exactly the right size shirt, she is sexy.

I tried to think up something to say which was sincere, debonair and masterful. But when I spoke, I could only mention things that related to our part-time jobs. Have you seen the teflon trays? Is Mario back from break yet? I didn't seem to be winning her attention, as they say.

After weeks of this, I hit upon something that interested her. I presented her with a Chicken Ceasar salad lunch - not from B.K., but from a casual family dining restaurant down the strip. She said Thanks Sendu, then she smiled. I joke you not - that smile of hers is like a full moon.

But then she told me she had a boyfriend.

That night, when her boyfriend came in to pick her up, I jumped the counter (Mario was on break), threw my hat in his face, and said I'm gonna cap your ass, you faggot-ass nigga faggot. I pulled out a spatulla and held it against his neck, so he couldn't see what I was using. This way, the police couldn't be called, as I never had an illegal weapon. Lakeisha looked at me and shook her head quickly two times. Her boyfriend didn't want to fight, and they left together. I think I got the better of him, but it was confusing as to who actually won, because people were silent, and I don't think they were on my side. We'll see to that tomorrow.

Date Written: July 13, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 4.14286

07/16/2004 qualcomm: hm
07/16/2004 Will Disney: dude. caesar.
07/16/2004 Benny Maniacs (3): I like the Chekhovian voice, but dislike the matte, lack-lustre sheen.
07/16/2004 Litcube (4): Hah!
07/17/2004 TheBuyer:

50 Shorts!

you did it, B.M! congratulations, that is a lot of hard work!
07/17/2004 TheBuyer: dude, that comment was like 36 point arial in preview. f u admins.
07/17/2004 Stash (4): this deserves another vote. it held me entirely captive, including spontaneous burts of silly laughter, which is always a treat.
07/17/2004 Benny Maniacs: Thanks the buyer
07/17/2004 John Slocum (4): this held me also, it's a wierd story, not so funny as interesting, I felt like I was seeing something that is extremely common but which I never see.
07/17/2004 Stash: i'm glad it wasn't McDonald's, somehow that'd have been too obvious. i worked fast food for a week when i was a teenager, i think i knew one of these guys. is he a dishwasher or a cashier?
07/19/2004 scoop (4): Distinct Maniacs voice. This would have gotten a fiver if you had changed your mind about the big move. Just think about it Benny, a field of fives strethcing to the horizon, as far the eye can see! And it could all be yours...
07/19/2004 qualcomm: yes, and let me add a further inducement to scoop's five-star carrot. a one-star stick! that's right: you move, and i give you one star for eternity. buried alive... buried alive...
07/20/2004 mr.coffee (5): I'm giving you 5 stars Benny! Good work.
07/26/2004 Mr. Pony (5): Such things we have inside our heads! Such things we do!
03/16/2010 Marvin_Bernstein (3): I don't really like this one
03/17/2010 Litcube: I'm curious why more people didn't vote on this. It's the same brand of humour as Napoleon Dynamite, where we laugh at the total lack of shame and absolute cluelessness some folks have. Sounds like some folks below didn't quite get it. I think there's been Napoleon Dynamite debates here before.