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Leonard – Part 2 - Natural Selection

Horny, Jake spotted a couple of hotties and put the bag down to go over and chat them up. They were pretty young, but no tail, no jail, am I right fellas? Huh? You know it! The sickly, slick mass shifted and Leonard tumbled out on the leading edge of the half-eaten corpse wave. He landed hard on the polished mall floor and came to rest covered by a napkin. Leonard was confused, sickened, scared, naked and many, many other things but he knew when it was time to run. He ripped off a towel sized chunk of napkin and hauled fucking ass across the way to the only shelter he could see, a nearby planter. He cleaned himself off as best he could and wrapped himself up. He looked like a tiny, one man toga party standing behind a planter in a massive, cavernous mall populated by gigantic, man-eating toads; in fact, it was all those things except the party part.

“Jesus,” he said, peering out from his nook, surveying the scene, “Don’t these assholes have jobs?”

He did not have to look around too long to figure out he was in a mall in the middle of the day in the United States; nothing but deadbeats, senior citizens, and housewives, all morbidly obese or junky thin. Trash is still trash even in uber-phibian form.

“Fuck,” he thought, “What a bunch of fucking losers.”

He looked back at the spilled garbage bag he had crawled out of and noticed his proportions were all out of whack. There were big, giant baby arms and big giant baby bones mixed in with the regular [to him] sized adult corpses and regular sized baby corpses. He had no idea what was up with that.

“What is up with that?” he muttered, and then smashed himself behind the planter again as a pair of huge Nike’s carrying a grubby adolescent flapped by his hiding place and out the automatic doors near-by. The dim hope that this was all a dream was all but snuffed completely out. Leonard was slowly realising his situation. Here is how he saw things:

1. Giant toads and frogs were are all over the place dressed in clothes sporting familiar logos and are clearly in charge.
2. There are parts of dead babies in the trash bag he crawled out of and they were really, really big babies.
3. Wherever he is, he is tiny, or everything else is huge, either way, he is not huge anymore because everything is relative.
4. He is so completely fucked.
5. He is so completely fucked.
6. He is so completely fucked.

Leonard stopped counting the things and started thinking about escaping to- uh...to where? Into the outside? Into the giant frog-toad society where he would blend in perfectly dressed in a napkin? Back to the cooler to survive on bits of lettuce and non-humans while freezing his ass off until he was enentually caught and killed like vermin, or would he become a septuagenarian cooler-dwelling bit of food that ran off the plate living fuckless and alone? Phantom of the walk-in? Jesus fuck! He went back to his list and thought about the last three things on the list some more.

“I am so completely fucked,” he thought. Then he saw some movement from the trash bag. A head and a hand appeared. Someone was crawling out of there. He crouched and watched as a dark haired, athletic looking brunette crawled her way through to the top of the pile and started running towards him, eyes wide with big, giant toad-fear. He could tell from where he was that even covered in gore-garbage she was all right. Tight thighs. Slim waist. Guts in her hair would wash out, she’d clean up nicely. He watched her take a few running steps, perky, perfect breasts swinging in wet-dream unison.

“Not bad,” he thought, “Maybe she knows something.”

Date Written: July 15, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4.2

07/22/2004 anonymous: The last graph is for Disney. Here, Disney, here you go. I put a broad in it for you.
07/22/2004 Stash (5): this gave me shivers. i was so excited, i read it too fast and got brain-freeze.
07/22/2004 Will Disney (5): thank you - alright!
07/22/2004 Litcube (5): Awesome.
07/23/2004 TheBuyer: whoa.
07/23/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (3): Mr. Disney, were you paid off with that last paragraph? Man, that's like school on a Saturday. Asshole's 3 to Queen's five
07/23/2004 TheBuyer: hence my woah, Ferucio! woah!
08/3/2004 Jacob Starfish: Another shift in the nature of the narrator! Am I confused? Yes, I am confused! It's good to see what sort of person Leonard is, finally, but he seems as stereotypical as the Gap Girls. I like the list. I like the fixation on the list. I like the baby-scale-thing.
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony (3):