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When I awoke, I was on a raft in the middle of the ocean and with no land in sight. I was alone. I didn’t know how I had gotten there. There wasn’t any food or water on the raft.

The first thing I did was to masturbate. I took the opportunity to think about this girl Julia back in junior high school. OH BOY, I thought to myself. If only I knew then what I know now. This girl was so available.

I finished this jerk after about five minutes and immediately felt disgusted with myself, due to some of the specifics of the fantasy I had just gotten through. I waited a few minutes and then had another go, this one accompanied by an even more vile fantasy. I don’t want to go into the details, but I will say that Julia’s mother was also there in this one, and she was wearing a strap-on, and having her way with her own daughter who was down on her hands and knees, busy taking care of me. It was very bad – this fantasy. Toward the end, I was sore, both physically and emotionally.

Afterwards, I wiped off and took a breath. It was time to get down to business. What was I doing on this raft? What would I eat and drink? How could I save my own life?

Date Written: July 16, 2004
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4.5

Comments:
07/22/2004 Ewan Snow (4): "The first thing I did was TO masturbate"
07/22/2004 Will Disney: This guy needs to prioritize!
07/22/2004 Dylan Danko (4): "I finished this jerk after about five minutes and immediately felt disgusted with myself, due to some of the specifics of the fantasy I had just gotten through."
07/22/2004 qualcomm: don't hate it enough to give it a 3, don't like it enough to give it a 4
07/22/2004 Jon Matza (4): Baldfaced ripoff of Castaway
07/22/2004 TheBuyer: Life of Pi with a boner and no tiger.
07/22/2004 scoop: There's no reason to be vindicative, TheBuyer. It's not that bad. Life of Pi, more like Life of Hair Pi! Huh? Right? Come on!
07/22/2004 scoop (4): This thing taps in to kegs of Walker Percy-like dislocation and marooned self-hood that take really take me back.
07/22/2004 TheBuyer (4): you're right scoop, I should stick to gambling. guest to author 4, your move
07/22/2004 Stash: this didn't do it for me and i don't know why. i don't think it's fair to vote if i can't get with the feeling i'm having over it.
07/22/2004 Litcube (4): I've done that. Been disgusted overmyself.
07/22/2004 Mr. Pony: Scoop, I take it you didn't like The Life of Pi! I have to say, I'm surprised--I thought you would have really enjoyed that part in the middle with that vicious French guy! What did you think of that part? Anyway, please keep shouting out your strongly held opinions and convictions whenever you feel the need to! Stop Bush!
07/22/2004 John Slocum (5): This character throws ice cubes down the vest of fear. Lesser men would crumble in this situation.
07/22/2004 scoop: Pony, I'm sorry I'm always failing to meet your high expectations of me.
07/22/2004 ???: la la la
07/22/2004 Benny Maniacs (5):
07/22/2004 Mr. Pony: I wouldn't be so very hard on you if I didn't know what you are capable of, scoop, I wouldn't be so very hard on you if I didn't know what you are capable of.
01/13/2005 qualcomm (5): i reject and condemn my initial comment. a rare error for the qc.
01/13/2005 Mr. Pony (5): I apologize to the author that my tormenting of scoop distracted me from voting on this fine work. I also apologize to scoop for tormenting him, I guess.
01/13/2005 Dylan Danko: Yeah, Disney, I owe you a star. I'm laughing my ass off.
01/13/2005 Will Disney: Wow - what an exciting renaissance for this Short. Qualcomm, thanks for finally doing something helpful!
01/13/2005 The Rid (5): Truly great.
01/13/2005 Jimson S. Sorghum (5):
01/13/2005 Ewan Snow: This one's great. Should have given it a five. I laughed out loud just now as I read it again.
01/13/2005 Jon Matza: In retrospect I, Matza, underrated it too. Sorry, Disney (FU).
01/13/2005 Ewan Snow: Well, I hope we all learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes a short doesn't really seem that good at first, but later turns out to be a gem. I wonder why. Seriously. Seriously.
01/13/2005 qualcomm: i think an early good rating by danko makes people suspicious
01/14/2005 John Slocum: who began the stream of 5's? Slocum. Who has mad vision? Slocum. Who can pick out the mourvedre in 2000 aurel rouge? slocum. That's who.
01/26/2005 Dylan Danko: It's about the shorts, QC, the shorts.
03/17/2005 The Rid: Since I felt the two shorts from this morning, both guest and author, were lacklustre, I re-read this one. And man, is it brilliant. Brilliant, I say!
09/9/2011 Marvin_Bernstein: Always classy Disney. Even at this site. How do you do it? Is it the dot net in you? Oh, no shame in masturbating either