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It remains the coolest breakup I know. She called and simply stated "I know about it...." and following a pause he replied, "I was always careful...." to which she hung up and by all objective measures, moved on. She clearly did not know about "it", but suspected it the way all beautiful women must, living a life reflective of male lust, Friday nights full of indecent and not completely insincere proposals from complete and wholly committed strangers. She called his bluff, and he folded.

So you can see my confusion years after the fact, moving into my new place and all the requisite groans and stiff smiles to new neighbors, politely declining the help, not so much because I don't need it (I do) but rather to protect them from knowledge of my belongings, for no well adjusted neighbor could possibly own so many "Family Guy" videos, or have retained so much pornography. With a whiff of Aveda and baby powder, he stopped me and handed me a dropped potato masher that fell out of the box. His smile was cordial, mine unfortunately, was likely hidden among the gaping void that had become my mouth. It was certainly him; not only do I have an impeccable memory for faces, but the large nevus on his cheek is a give-away (and the but of several post-breakup jokes). He had, however, become the gayest man in the history of the earth. Reebok aerobics shoes covered a twice-rolled tube sock, D&G jean shorts were hinting at 3-4 days a week on a Stairmaster, and the "I heart NY" shirt may well have read "One dick at a time".

Formalities ensued. His partner was nice enough, and with a vague babble of business I reached for my phone, called her, and did the only thing I could find in my heart to do.

I asked her about the weather in San Diego. I asked her who she was fucking. I told her I bought that place downtown In short, I told her nothing.

Date Written: July 20, 2004
Author: Bogedita
Average Vote: 3.6667

07/27/2004 Ewan Snow (4): This one is pretty good, but very un-acme. (How dare you write a real short story?) Also, there are a few sloppy bits in there, but I'm too lazy to point them out.
07/27/2004 TheBuyer: Author: i'm not that lazy, but am slightly dumber. i'm having a tough time gleaning certain details from the text alone
1. the POV shift - does this go from an interested third party to the pov of the guy who was fucking around?
2. "was likely hidden among the gaping void that had become my mouth." what is this supposed to say, or if that's what it is supposed to say - huh??
3. i'm starting to heart NY a little, am i turning gay?
07/27/2004 qualcomm: this has to be dick vomit. he's the only person i know with a gaping void for a mouth.
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Buyer: 1) I don't think there's a POV shift, though it confused me too at first. The "he" in the first graf is the "he" in the second graf (the gay guy). Corect me if I'm wrong, author. 2) This is clumsy writing; it means his jaw dropped in shock, I think. 3) Yes
07/27/2004 TheBuyer: it Bogedita, not Dick Vomit. she's clearly new and not constantly monitoring.
07/27/2004 Will Disney (4): wow - i thought this one would get slaughtered for being un-acme. i'll give it my customary 3.5 stars.
07/27/2004 scoop (2): Fucking gay.
07/27/2004 Mr. Pony (4): Author, that is scoop's way of saying "Thoughtful and well-written". I tend to agree, but I think the writing could use a bit more polish. Your themes are interesting, though, and I'd like to see more.
07/27/2004 TheBuyer (4): 1. oh, now I get it
2. that sentence should be taken to the woodshed and drowned like an unwanted kitten
3. I'm gonna try to score some 'fag hags'
07/27/2004 anonymous: I think i quite like this one
07/27/2004 Ewan Snow: Scoop's right. This is no-holes-barred homo. I feel embarrassed for sort of liking it, especially since it had some bad writing as well. But something about the years later moving in and meeting certain persons reminded me of certain...
07/27/2004 TheBuyer: is it still homo if a woman wrote it, or just girly?
07/27/2004 Stash (4): this is someone i referred and he is a he. he is an acquaintance and should not be associated with me. i said i'm out and i'm out, but i knew his short was here today. give him a chance, no? to be clear, i'm not coming back under any names, anonymous or otherwise, although i will clearly peek in from time to time - okay? sorry for the trouble everyone, really, but please don't waste any time questioning if i'm sneaking around, writing and posting - i'm not. no response necessary. cheers.
07/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Stash, I really wish I knew what you were talking about; what sort of trouble you caused us. As it stands, I don't know if I should be angry or forgive you. On behalf of the Acme Community, of course.
07/27/2004 Jon Matza: You heard it too, Pony? Did anyone else? Sounded like a forlorn, ghostly moan. Gave me the willies.
07/27/2004 Stash: i was asked not to come back. i did. i am finally respecting the initial request. that's it! don't bother with analysis or questions, the details will be spared. yee hah! you guys crack me up to no avail. now go suck a dick.
07/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Wait, now why would you say a thing like that?
07/27/2004 Stash: i was being funny!!! whew, just trying to lighten the mood - nothing is coming out right. i'm going to stop now while i'm behind and laugh it all away...
07/27/2004 Mr. Pony: No, that's okay. Where will you go?
07/27/2004 Stash: i'll leave it at goodnight, Mr. Pony. thanks for the sweetness but i've gotta go. Acme understands. bye.
07/27/2004 anonymous: Don't you really just hate anonymous commets, I sure do... Lade da de da!