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Leonard - Part 4 - Roy

“I mean what the fuck is going on here? I woke up in a cooler, got tossed in a salad, almost eaten by a gigantic valley girl toad trailer-trash, was thrown in the real trash, which I might add was full of gigantic baby heads, and now I’m standing here naked except for a bit of torn up napkin, talking to a fat, bald naked man named Roy who just crawled out of a pile of garbage behind a stunning blood covered woman who was stomped on by a great, big fat amphibian who fell on her ass and is now being attended to by five other huge frogs or toads or something. Frankly, Roy I’m a little confused.”

“Ya, me too. Same thing happened to me- well, the first part anyway. What’s your name, buddy?” he said sticking out his hand again.

“Leonard,” shake, “Good to know you, Roy.”

“Ya, you too.” Beat. “So seriously, what are you doin’ now, want to get a beer or something.”

“Sure Roy, lead the way, I don’t have the slightest clue where we are.”

“The Galleria, I think,” Roy said, “At least I hope so, I had to cross town from the freaking Omni-plex about three months ago, took a frigging week!”

So Roy led the way. They went from cover to cover and out the door, a pair of naked toga-spies, across the parking lot, into the woods behind the mall, down a trail, down a hole in the trail, and into tunnel that went down and down and down and led them to a cave that opened up into a cavern, that opened up at the side of a hill that gave way to a suburb that spread out in front of them.

“A suburb,” Leonard said.

“No shit. I gotta get a shower or some clothes or something,” said Roy, “We’ll just go to my place, my kid will have something that’d fit you okay, he’s a tall skinny kid too. Takes after his Ma.” And led the way again.

They walked through the suburban streets as though they weren’t still mostly covered in blood and garbage wrapped in napkins they got from the garbage bag they had just crawled out from in a mall full of giant amphibians they had just escaped from, Roy waving to the people he knew, sliding bits of gossip in here and there. The streets, the houses, the lawns, everything looked perfectly normal. Clean. Really clean. Sterile, actually.

Leonard knew as soon as he had a hot shower, maybe a little food and a beer, that he would break down completely. He was wrong. He broke down completely in the shower. We’ll skip that whole part. Maybe you should go get a snack, the next bit is kind of long.


Date Written: July 25, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 3

07/29/2004 anonymous: edit- the last graph is now the last three graphs.
07/30/2004 anonymous: I don't want to hear anymore fucking excuses in terms of writing for Espion. Espion needs work, and you're writing fairy tales for crack babies.
07/30/2004 Litcube (4): Crack babies?
07/30/2004 TheBuyer: Leonard is a treatment of Espion fan fiction that I want to make a comic out of but alas, I can't even draw a peanut. The 100% Pure Beef Espion version has no anachronisms.
07/30/2004 Litcube: What is that smell? .. I smell something..
07/30/2004 TheBuyer: It's bullshit, Licube, I'm bullshitting you. Hiyeee!!
07/30/2004 Litcube: Hiyeee!! Seriously. Where's the material? The Big Day's coming up in Sept.
08/3/2004 Jacob Starfish: I think maybe this is where the serial nature of this story starts to really hurt it. While I guess that in a regular story, and even in an Acme Short, it's okay to have bits where little or nothing happens, but in something episodic like Leonard, you maybe shouldn't have entire chapters like that.
08/3/2004 Mr. Pony (2):