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Date Written: July 31, 2004
Author: Jon Matza
Average Vote: 4.875

08/10/2004 Moe-Ron (5): As a doula, who sees lots of babies coming out of vaginas, I'm offended. 5 stars.
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony (5): As a man of logic, who sees a quantifiable reason behind every mystery of human behavior, I'm offended. 5 stars.
08/10/2004 John Slocum: As a Sommelier, who sees alot of over-oaked and manipulated wines, I'm offended. 5 stars.
08/10/2004 John Slocum (5): Fuck
08/10/2004 Will Disney: can other people see this? what the f?
08/10/2004 Will Disney (5): wow!
08/10/2004 Will Disney: As the administrator of this site, who wants preview images for Shorts to be visible, I'm offended. 5 stars!!!
08/10/2004 Dylan Danko (5): As an englishman familiar with the bright and airy humor of Viz Comics I am not offended but think I can hazard a guess as to authorship. By the way, totally brill!
08/10/2004 TheBuyer (5): As an abandonded baby who grew up feral in a dumpster, I'm offended. 5 stars
08/10/2004 scoop: As a dude who just comments on shorts and doesn't vote on them, I am going to pass through here like a ghost or other such ephemra, leaving my vague willowy imprint and then flitting away, away, away...
08/10/2004 qualcomm: hate to bust up this gay little lovefest, but, while i enjoyed the short, and shall reward it with at least a four, it seems contrivedly transgressive. i'm sure the author realized this when he crafted it, but still. a winning smile was my only reaction to this one, in contrast to my infectious laugh for Fence Guy. and i think the author was going for laughs here; it's certainly not an example of dry humour.
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: I'd say you breaking the comment form is contrivedly transgressive!
08/10/2004 qualcomm: that form sucked
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: You couldn't think of anything to put in it! Haw haw haw!
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: By the way, Matza, congratulations on the width of this short!
08/10/2004 qualcomm: stop using exclamation points, you little jerk
08/10/2004 anonymous: Disney, I thought I set up the preview image. It's saved into the FTP directory. Perhaps you can fix it...? It'd be a great service to all my wonderful fans.
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: I mean every last one!
08/10/2004 Litcube (5): I really wish I got my comment in before the weiner broke the pattern. Fuck. Now it will NEVER HAPPEN.
08/10/2004 qualcomm: (i rest my case on the suckiness of the form)
08/10/2004 anonymous: OSS: You know nothing about my intentions, my methods, my pain!
08/10/2004 qualcomm: all's i'm saying is, it would have been funnier with black people
08/10/2004 anonymous: I wonder what Scoop really thought...if only he'd assigned a numeric value I might have had some hope of knowing...or if some sort of tool or "language" existed that enabled us to express thoughts...
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: Summer, I agree that this short doesn't have nearly as much torque as "Fence Guy", but surely you see the problem with comparing this short so closely with that (is it because they're both graphical?). I mean, I can't see myself leaving "Not as good as 'Jeffords'!" on all of your shorts.
08/10/2004 qualcomm: pony, i didn't mean to imply that the reason i'm hesitant here is because i thought, "Hm, not as good as Fence Guy." i only used Fence Guy as an example of an over-the-top comic (by the same author) that succeeded in making me laugh. i think this one is going for the same sort of shock value laughs, but for some reason, i just didn't. my comments were my thinking out loud reasoning for why it left me kind of cold. i think the first panel is great, and it goes downhill from there.
08/10/2004 Dylan Danko: Jesus, OSS, don't you get it?? Scoop is waiting for you to vote.
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: I guess I sort of knew that. I suppose I feel like this one's going for a very different sort of laugh, but intent is a funny thing. Also, I sort of just wanted to link to those two shorts. They should be required reading!
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: Ehl oh ehl!
08/10/2004 Will Disney: i think oss's comment re: the black people is outrageous!
08/10/2004 scoop: Panel 1 = 5 stars. Panel 2 = 4 stars. Panel 3= 3 stars. Panel 4 = 3 stars. Panel 5 = 2.67 stars. 5+4+3+3+2.67=17.67. 17.67 divided by 5 = 3.134 stars.
08/10/2004 scoop: Sorry. It's actually 3.534 stars, rounded down for political correctness.
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: Political correctness?
08/10/2004 qualcomm: yes. this short is too pc
08/10/2004 qualcomm: matza, please recolor the people to their appropriate tint.
08/10/2004 TheBuyer: Disney is right, make em Flips.
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: You've spent too much time on the Coasts! People of all skin tints are fucking horrible!
08/10/2004 qualcomm: Whoa, little Pony, whoa! Are you saying that, taking a random sampling of coastal populations, darkly furnished persons are worse than palefaces? You racist!
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: That's not what I'm saying at all! Is that what you are saying? Why are you saying that?
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: (Racist!)
08/10/2004 anonymous: Scoop, thanks for demystifying the voting process.
08/10/2004 Ferucio P. Chhretan (4): I was hoping Fence guy was going to be coming around the corner, as sign of better things to come. Mr. Pony is right. Only people who have no melanin whatsoever are less than utterly stinky. It's true. I've seen it!
08/10/2004 Mr. Pony: You dope, that's not what I'm saying either! I'm not some puppet for everyone's amusement! Actually, maybe I am, but it's important that you all understand that fact! Everyone wants to put their hand in my ass! Who's next?
08/10/2004 scoop: Me! Shut up Pony. And stop hate mongering, you traitorous Slope-eyed pineapple picking half-breed.
08/13/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Wait, this short just makes me feel sad. Is that how I'm supposed to feel? How am I supposed to feel?
08/13/2004 Jon Matza: Jimson, what you don't see here is that the baby gets saved and raised in Burlington, VT
08/14/2004 Jimson S. Sorghum: Phew.