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Your men. Did they get there in time?

No sir, I’m sorry.

You mean my daughter…

Yes sir, she’s been fingered.

What’s the recon?

Two fingers, maybe three. Intel is still trying to work out the particulars.

You have the target in custody?

Not yet sir, but we have some good leads, good chatter. Real sweet chatter, sir.

I don’t want chatter, Sergeant. I want fingers damn it. I want the truth!

Sure thing, sir.

What about the subject?

We’re debriefing her now sir, her vagina sir, that is.

Her what?

Her vagina, sir.

I heard you the first time Sergeant.

They're conducting a real thorough internal investigation sir, if you know what I mean. For the good of the country.

Don’t lecture me about patriotism Sergeant, if these fingers could talk...

Sorry sir!

Well, Sergeant, it seems like this sticky, viscous, occasionally bloody conflict has just been brought to my own backyard. Right to our very own borders, so to speak. And by borders I mean vulvas.

Gross sir!

I want no stone unturned, no cave unspelunked, no vagina unfingered to get to the bottom of this thing. Full cytology Sergeant! Full cytology!

Yes sir.

And sergeant.

Yes, sir?

I want to smell a full wet-and-sticky-five-finger report on my desk first thing in the morning. Am I clear?

Crystal, sir!

I said am I clear?

As translucent mucosa, sir!

Date Written: August 10, 2004
Author: scoop
Average Vote: 4

08/12/2004 John Slocum (4): 3.5 fingers, up to 4 sticky ones. Fun and Funny, but could have had one or two fewer of the same joke.
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony: Are you kidding? I can't wait for volume two!
08/12/2004 Ewan Snow (4):
08/12/2004 Dylan Danko (4): This is the dumbest short ever. I would have given it a five 'cept if went on too long and I didn't like the last line.
08/12/2004 John Slocum: En Garde, Pony.
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony: I'm still trying to figure out if the short going on too long is part of the joke. If so, I'm not sure it quite makes it out of the "not funny anymore" zone that lies between "funny" and "funny again". I wish "Doosh" wasn't hidden so I could compare the two.
08/12/2004 qualcomm (4): whether too long was intentional or not, it's still too long.
08/12/2004 John Slocum: Also, I didn't say it became unfunny, just a little less funny with the 70th variation of the same joke.
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony (3):
08/12/2004 Litcube (3): "I want no stone unturned, no cave unspelunked, no vagina unfingered to get to the bottom of this thing." Aren't we talking about just one vagina? Wasn't the vagina already fingered?
08/12/2004 Jon Matza (5): I, Matza, laughed throughout. This is Snow, right?
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony: it seems like someone borrowing snow's pen and not wanting to give it back!
08/12/2004 Jon Matza: What?!? That would be wrong, Pony! A loan is a contract. By honor the borrower is bound to return the borrowed item to the lendor. Everyone knows that!
08/12/2004 qualcomm: matza, this is so clearly scoop, i have a boner.
08/12/2004 TheBuyer (4): yup.
08/12/2004 qualcomm: also, i don't think this is particularly snowish
08/12/2004 Ewan Snow: Matza, as you'll note, I'm still an F-ing guest. Yes, this is scoop, though it is also a RIP OFF!!!!!! (Also, if I had written it, it wouldn't have been too long!)
08/12/2004 Jon Matza: You don't think at all, do you? Sizzled to a crisp.
08/12/2004 Jon Matza: Snow, you fucking liar. You did write it--TWICE!!
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony: I loik t' suh your coh'
08/12/2004 qualcomm: snow, which short(s) of yours does this rip off?
08/12/2004 qualcomm: pony: yes.
08/12/2004 qualcomm: oi loi t' suh yaw caw
08/12/2004 Dylan Danko: I'm thinking this is OSS and I won't take his denial for an answer.
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony: Whoa!
08/12/2004 qualcomm: errOR
08/12/2004 Dylan Danko: Scoop, OSS, whomever. Perhaps you should spend less time on here and more time on the music, man! WHY DON"T YOU ROCK MORE!!
Hey, FU Pony!
08/12/2004 Mr. Pony: (That poor Indian woman has a golf ball stuck in her mouth.)
08/12/2004 Dick Vomit (4): Affirm/agree/digitally penetrate
08/12/2004 anonymous: Buh.
08/12/2004 anonymous: Beh.
08/12/2004 Will Disney (4): I certainly would have guessed snow for this...
08/15/2004 scoop: Don't read this comment! It will be a waste of your time. Told you.
08/15/2004 Mr. Pony: I owe you one.
08/27/2004 mr.coffee (5): Scoop you are a vaginal poet! One heck of a slippery fellow. The ooze that drips from your lips smells fishy.
08/27/2004 scoop: Gross! Five Stars to Mr. Coffee!