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Jack was a man but he was only five inches tall and he could fly. He had been stranded outside and the night was coming and it would be too cold for him to survive. For a while he panicked. Then he flew around until he found an old iron spike lying in a corner of the barn. He picked up the spike, flew over to one of the pigs, and rammed the spike, with great force, into the pig's right eye. The pig died. Jack sliced open the pigs belly and slipped himself inside, using it for warmth, just as he had seen in that movie.
A few weeks later, Jack was flying far above the forest, carrying some twigs. He had bathed in the stream but could not get rid of the rotten pig stench on his skin. But he had lived. And one thing was for sure: that farmer who had locked him out was going to die.
Date Written: August 16, 2004
Author: Will Disney
Average Vote: 4
Comments:
08/20/2004 Will Disney: wait - which movie?
08/20/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I'm laughing a lot at this. It's making me laugh a lot.
08/20/2004 Ewan Snow: Disney, you liar, this is yours.
08/20/2004 anonymous: he still might not know what movie is being referenced!
08/20/2004 Ewan Snow: You (he) know(s) damn well what movie it is. Episode V, try?
08/20/2004 John Slocum (4): Yah, like this is totally far-fetched. I don't believe a word of it.
So many questions...Why is the small man living with the farmer, why was he carrying twigs, etc.?
08/20/2004 qualcomm: and why do you call the inside of a barn "outside" in the first sentence?
08/20/2004 qualcomm: second sentence, i mean
08/20/2004 anonymous: the little guy is locked out of the farmhouse. there's an open air barn 'outside' where he finds the spike, but it's winter and it's not warm enough in there. the barn is more like a big shed.
08/20/2004 Ewan Snow: What color is the barn? Cuz if it's red, that's a total cliche!
08/20/2004 anonymous: off-red, i'd say
08/20/2004 Dylan Danko: Sleeping in the belly of a pig is a rip off of Huck Finn.
08/20/2004 Mr. Pony: Also, wouldn't that stream still be frozen? Or at least cold enough to kill the lil' fella? And dare I say, that's a really fragile pig, if all you have to do is poke it in the eye to kill it. This story is getting increasingly difficult to swallow!
08/20/2004 Ewan Snow: Also, this is a Microman ripoff!
08/20/2004 TheBuyer: So, is the little guy naked or something? Why didn't he just put a sweater on?
08/20/2004 anonymous: These are some great points. As for the pig, that spike went through his eye and poked him right in the brain. But don't worry - it was pretty much painless!
08/20/2004 TheBuyer (5): Alright, I'm convinced!
08/20/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): Yeah. I like that my cadence and animal/human corpse-wearing in "Mikey Leotard" (I don't know how to do the hyperlink) is influencing the younger generation. I feel like a Lou Reed to the author's The Strokes.
08/20/2004 Jon Matza: Jack sleeping in the belly of a pig = subconscious plagiarism of Meg Ryan role in Sleeping in Seattle?
08/20/2004 qualcomm (3): let's be reasonable, people.
08/20/2004 Dylan Danko (2):
08/20/2004 qualcomm: whoa! danko! are you in my monolith now?
08/20/2004 Dylan Danko: Does your monolith consist of reasonable people, having reasonable thoughts and acting reasonably?
08/20/2004 anonymous: two stars from a guest? anyone in favor of dis-allowing demoted authors from voting?
08/20/2004 Dylan Danko: Anyone in favor of preventing someone stupid enough to move Boston from publishing his shorts?
08/20/2004 Jon Matza: As I've already pointed out, guest votes should count only 1/2 as much as author votes.
08/20/2004 Will Disney: how about .25 for demoted authors and .75 for regular guests?
08/20/2004 Dylan Danko: How 'bout you go trolling for rent boys in the Fens?
08/20/2004 Will Disney: 2 stars is a lowball.
08/20/2004 Dylan Danko: I'll make it up to you on the back end.
08/20/2004 Will Disney: sweet!
08/23/2004 Dick Vomit: Matza. As much as I love you...the idea of devaluing guest votes is the most yellow, cowardly thing I've ever heard. Unless you're kidding.
08/23/2004 Jon Matza: That's a compelling argument you've laid out there, vomit!
08/23/2004 Dick Vomit: Yes.
08/23/2004 Jon Matza: If you divided your answers into paragraphs they'd read better.
12/10/2004 The Rid (5): "And one thing was for sure: that farmer who had locked him out was going to die." Hee hee!