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"Damn! No Guest Shorts Pending? This is fucked up and I'm completely devoid of creative thought at the moment...well, that's never stopped anyone before, I'll be damned if the Guest pride is to be tarnished in this fashion" he thought, absently pushing a teste up into his stomach, "I'll just write something stupid and fix it later."

He typed until he was mostly satisfied, and went back to work unable to come up with an ending. He was vowing to fix the inconsistant verb tenses, and punctuation spelling errors before the 3AM-EDT deadline.

However, seconds after the short was submitted he was covered in blood and shit, his lifeless vessel twisted at the business end of a barbed, steel cable that for no reason at all shot from the ceiling and into the top of his skull with a pop. It continued straight through him and out his anus where the end umbrella'd open and split his rectum like an inverted, razor sharp high-colonic. There he dangled dripping bloody liquid shit and intestinal filling onto his lousy swivel-chair in his windowless cubicle, quickly chilling in the over air-conditioned environment.

The last thing that went through his mind was his asshole...no, ya, the other way around.

Date Written: August 17, 2004
Author: TheBuyer
Average Vote: 4.25

08/18/2004 Will Disney (4): yay!
08/18/2004 Mr. Pony (4): This is more thoughtful than it seems, maybe.
08/18/2004 Pix (4): 4.5!
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit (5): GUEST REVOLUTION NOW!
08/18/2004 The Finch: Is that TheBuyer's signature?
The Finch
08/18/2004 TheBuyer: ?
08/18/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I like all the gore and blood and ass and cum huh huh.
08/18/2004 Mr. Pony: Hey Dick, what are you revolting against?
08/18/2004 anonymous: The full-author patriarchal power structure, Mr.Pony, which you fucking epitomize!
08/18/2004 Mr. Pony: Huh!
08/18/2004 anonymous: You dirt bag, Mr. Pony. You think you're all that?
08/18/2004 Mr. Pony: What?
08/18/2004 Mr. Pony: Seriously, I don't know what you're talking about! I'd be more than happy to discuss it with you, though. Sometimes talking helps!
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: Hey, Pony. I am not anon_user_a, by the way. As for REVOLUTION NOW, I'm just feeling anti caste system these days, as I sort of lamely discussed on the message boards a few days back. In the case of this short, I think it was more of an affirm/agree war cry. It just moved my soul to see a fellow guest step up and represent. PEACE.
08/18/2004 anonymous: C'mon, discuss, discuss!
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: Finch: you're a guest, so I love you unconditionally, but I sort of want to choke you until you reveal your true identity.
08/18/2004 anonymous: Dick, I thought he was you.
08/18/2004 Great Satan: Looks like DV's itching to become the Che Guevara of the Acme Shorts Guest Author Community. Hmm. Hasta la escrita siempre, anyone??! 666.
08/18/2004 anonymous: Guevara was a thief! Property owners' suffrage, NOW!!
08/18/2004 anonymous: Viva Vomito!!
08/18/2004 Great Satan: I can see Vomito standing victoriously in the Plaza D'Acme, whipping the Guest Author throngs to a froth as a dove alights upon his shoulder...666
08/18/2004 Great Satan: We should threaten to one-star every "Author Short" until we get equality!!!! 666!!!!
08/18/2004 Mr. Pony: I think Dick's mug would look stunning on an intentionally crappily-printed-then-distressed T-Shirt.
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: haha what the hell?? Pony F.U. for outing me. (unless you're planning on making the shirts)
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: Hulk Rapes Panda. Check.
08/18/2004 Mr. Pony: I thought you already outed yourself on the message board months ago!
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: PANDA!
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: RAPES!
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: HULK!!!
08/18/2004 The Finch: I am not Dick Vomit.
The Finch
08/18/2004 Dick Vomit: And I am not The Finch, you tool.
08/18/2004 Great Satan: I am The Finch. 666.
08/18/2004 anonymous: Dude. Pull out THE JUDGE!
08/18/2004 Jon Matza (4): I'll give you some credit for this one, Buyer.
08/18/2004 anonymous: [*tink* nearly finished Groslch on screen]
08/18/2004 scoop (5):
08/19/2004 John Slocum (4): nice one, love the classic TheBuyer 'ya' at the end.
04/27/2005 Jon Matza: Nice try, Disney. Put the permanent one back.