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Fuck, Braxton Hicks said, after he was hit by lightening. His spinal chord was partly singed and his head was fucked up from jumping thirty feet into a rock. Later in the week he escaped from the hospital.

In rough shape, Braxton checked himself into the Healing Centre, which was a sort of alternative medicine place. They had him do psychotherapy, breathing/lack of oxygen exercises, and several colonics. He kept having seizures, and they kept rushing him back to the hospital and he kept escaping and coming back.

At the Centre, Braxton met an alcoholic named Dill, who made him laugh at shit. Dill was in a very abusive relationship with the woman who was treating Braxton, but she was hot, and Braxton thought he had a good chance.

After it was clear that they were taking his money and worsening his symptoms, Braxton eventually left the place without sleeping with the woman, whose name I can't remember, though it had lots of C's in it. He went out on open plains in lightening storms and yelled at the weather with a crutch extended vertically. It never came back to him like it had before. Both Dill and the woman are now in therapy, acting out suckling newborns in extreme states. Braxton is now a weatherman.

Date Written: August 24, 2004
Author: Benny Maniacs
Average Vote: 4.2

08/27/2004 qualcomm: I think the author has hit upon a new way. I'm tempted to five this. It feels like the first in what could be a rewarding genre of short.
08/27/2004 Mr. Pony: I like this quite a bit, too. How is it a new genre, though?
08/27/2004 qualcomm: pony: basically, using the short format to give the Cliff Notes for a longer story. i'm guessing this is by maniacs, and it's actually something he's been leading up to, but seems more focused here. i'd say the forebear of this one is mikey leotard.
08/27/2004 anonymous: Just when I leave my shit unedited too long and it pops up on the site before I can rework it, and I am certain, for the first time ever, that my shit will get no higher than two stars, you pull this shit. This is bullshit.
08/27/2004 Dick Vomit: Heh.
08/27/2004 qualcomm (4): author, maybe this is a lesson. maybe you're a lousy self-editor. i'm gonna give this a four because it's not quite classic enough. i believe you should woodshed this particular lick, though.
08/27/2004 Mr. Pony (5): I think you're right, on several counts. I like the way several stupid points are emphasized while the plot is only hinted at or even glossed over. Five stars, both because I like it, and to further confound the author.
08/27/2004 scoop (5): No your bullshit, pal. You're fired! Wait no you're hired! Change the weatherman in to a sports caster, cast that 27-year old looking Lohan cunt in the role of Dill and I think we might have somehting here. Just make the Fieldian reversal more perdictable around the late Avt IIish region and we'll get this fat fucking whore in production ASAP. What're you doing gritting your big fucking jaw at me, pretty boy? Get moving!
08/27/2004 Will Disney (5): it's got so much *depth*
08/27/2004 Jon Matza (4): I'd give this picaresque comedy of manners a four.
08/27/2004 Litcube: I shall also four this.
08/27/2004 mr.coffee (4): Listen up Benny! Like your synopsis, but waaayyyyy to fucking long. For Christ sakes, if you have any hope of selling this turd, better make it flashy. In Hollywood we like it short and sweet- give it to me again in 2 sentences or less. Scoop, I like her tits, there's something that makes my cock hard about ‘em, lets put 'er in! -That’s the kind of ballsy casting choices we like here on the hill! And Benny, grow some balls for crying out loud, you can't remember her fucking name..BULLSHIT, she’s just a pseudonym for some ex- cunt you banged and don’t want your wife asking questions. I like this Braxton character, but change the name to BRAH and give’im a .45. I wanna see him go nuts and kill some shit, doesn’t matter what, anything. Maybe we should set the whole thing in Kabul. And the idea that he goes anywhere without banging a bunch of chicks ain’t gonna sell well pal. Let’s throw in some sluts, that way when he’s not blowing some motherfucker away, he’s banging some broad with tits, and save Lohan till the end, but then she’ll have no problem getting buck naked. I like the weatherman angle, just make sure we can see the .45 sticking out of his belt when he’s giving us the weather, and make sure there’s a pair of tits in the screen somewhere.
08/27/2004 Craig Lewis (4): Hi everybody! I just changed a diaper! Speaking of newborns, I'm calling Scoop the author of this'un, on account of the Braxton Hicks reference, which he must have picked up in one of the doula books (with full-color vag photo) lying around the house.
08/27/2004 qualcomm: eleanor (maniacs' wife) doulas, too. or at least wanted to do it for a while. thank you.
08/27/2004 Mr. Pony: Also, you can find the term all over the Internet, and also in books. Welcome back, Craig!
08/27/2004 Mr. P?ny: Also, I have a chess piece up my butt (a bishop).
08/27/2004 Mr. P?ny: Damn! I meant to log in as my fake OSS ID and put my last comment in under that. Oh well, I guess my transparent cover has been blown!
08/27/2004 TheBuyer (4):
08/27/2004 The Fonch: Mr. Pony is the fake OSS.

The Fonch
08/28/2004 John Slocum (4): A very long story, great compression.
08/28/2004 The Finch: Good work, Fonch. There were, however, two; and perhaps three fake Ol' Summer Sausages this Friday. One, as you have said, was Mr. Pony. The second was most likely scoop, or possibly Benny Maniacs. The other, if there was another, was the other of the two.
The Finch
08/28/2004 John Slocum: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey leeewwwwwiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssss!
08/29/2004 Pix (3): I don't really get the humour here. *shrug*