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"Welcome, matriculants, to the first freshman orientation of Trump University. I'm Donald Trump. Thank you. Thank you. Take a look around you, and tell me what you see. Go on, take a look. I'll tell you what you see: a world-class university completely coated in genuine, electroplated 18K gold. That's right, from the seats you're sitting in to the textbooks you'll be using in your metallurgy classes, it's all electroplated in genuine, 18K gold. For the next four years, you will eat, drink, shit and fuck genuine electroplated 18K gold. When I say jump, you're gonna say, 'Genuine, electroplated 18K gold.'"

"So to sum up: world-class education; antiques; sports cars; blondes; and of course, genuine, electroplated 18K gold. Thank you, and I hope to see you later on tonight at the Genuine Electroplated 18K Gold, our campus co-op."

Date Written: August 26, 2004
Author: qualcomm
Average Vote: 3

08/31/2004 scoop: Can I interest you, perhaps friend, in two Genuine electroplated 18K gold stars? Their the real thing, go over big with the missus? Hmmm?
08/31/2004 qualcomm (4): i thought it was pretty funny. the rhythm was good. when i say jump, you're gonna say genuine electroplated 18k gold.
08/31/2004 Benny Maniacs (4): I'll match my three point seven five with someone else's four point two five, or perhaps a three point two five. Any takers? I appreciated the concision mixed with equal parts of brainlessness.
08/31/2004 TheBuyer: 'Genuined'?
08/31/2004 anonymous: Thanks
08/31/2004 TheBuyer (4): ok!
08/31/2004 John Slocum (2): Old Summer, are you out of your mind? Or did you write this?
08/31/2004 qualcomm: no, i liked it. it's topical, which is a drawback, but as i said, the rhythm is good. and i like the repetition. i don't know. why do you think this is a two?
08/31/2004 Dylan Danko (2): Because it's not very strong?
08/31/2004 John Slocum: Donald trump is rich HAHAHAHAHAHA! If he had a university, it would be gold plated HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Everything, including the co-op is gold plated HAHAHAHAHAHA! To sum up, everything is gold-plated and there is wealth everywhere HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
08/31/2004 John Slocum: Oh, but it has a good rhythm, I think I'll give it four stars
08/31/2004 qualcomm: i think you may be missing the point. correct me if i'm wrong, author, but the joke isn't that donald trump is rich, but that he's crass with his wealth, and that he displays it not only ostentatiously, but sort cheaply, as in gold-plated rather than gold.
08/31/2004 anonymous: You aren't wrong, Slocum is!
08/31/2004 John Slocum: either way.
08/31/2004 Ewan Snow: OSS wrote this.
08/31/2004 qualcomm: i don't think it's either way. i think you misread it. i think craig lewis is using your account name.
08/31/2004 Mr. Pony: Actually, it makes sense that everything would be electroplated, rather than solid gold. Buildings would collapse under their own weight, and engine parts would be too soft to function properly. Electroplating is a very reasonable solution.
08/31/2004 qualcomm: Hm!
08/31/2004 Mr. Pony: Yep, perfect, reasonable sense.
08/31/2004 qualcomm: also, slocum, the author was funning the recent news that trump has a university, whereas, if we take your completely wrongheaded analysis at its word, you seemed to think this was a hypothetical short. such a misread would, you must admit, significantly reduce the perceived humour of the short.
08/31/2004 Mr. Pony: If this is your short, Summer, I will be very, very disappointed in you, begging for votes like this.
08/31/2004 anonymous: Why would you be disappointed, Pony? You thought OSS was above begging for votes??
08/31/2004 John Slocum: Perhaps you're right, I mis read this. However, now that you've helped me become au courant about trump u and filled me in on trump's character, I still think the short is a one note wonder, kind of like the 99 granges des peres from roussillon ($50 a bottle wholesale for a wine that has 1 trick). Maybe I'd have given it a 2.5. Again, either way.
08/31/2004 Litcube: Initially, I read it like Slocum. "Hah," I said. Now, learned, I said, "Oh."
08/31/2004 Jon Matza: Had high hopes based on 1st line but was let down by this. Mocking Trump & his aesthetic's a bit obvious/redundant, "no"?
08/31/2004 anonymous: yes, but the execution is woodpile.
08/31/2004 Jon Matza: balsa wood, maybe.